Mental Health I can't trust anyone

[ilovecrystal]

Hi there,

It's actually been quite a while since I have been on here. I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right place here but the last time I posted here I was happy and couldn't be happier.

I don't know where to start.

a few 'bad' things have happened to me in the last year. Nobody died but - to cut it short - nearly everybody I knew who was in a relationship broke up (including me and my ex partner), my friend suffered from psychosis whilst I had strong feelings for her partner then I let go and someone else came into my life and took advantage. At the time I was taking some new research chemicals as well as amphetamine and MDMA. I had my first para-trip and everyone in my circle of friends fell out with each other due to the changes in social situations.

I had intense paranoid delusions such as
- everyone can see what is on my computer and what I am doing all the time, including my friends
- everyone was conspiring against me in some way
- I felt like everyone was watching my life (like the truman show)
- like everything was a constant test of my loyalty and everyone was in on it

- I feel like they can find this somehow
- I feel like everything is just a constant game

I work full time and I suffered from my first ever panic attack ( I had no idea they were even a thing) and had some time off work. I suffered from these every day for a few months. I went to the doctor and they suggested counseling but only if I passed some kind of social group test?

I have conflicting thoughts all the time . . . I don't know how to explain further, but I just feel like everybody is out for themselves and I can't trust anyone. I feel like I'm going to get hurt again.

I don't use as much as I used to now and I don't have panic attacks anymore, but I am thinking that maybe this might have something to do with my feeling this way. Or is this simply just life and I can't deal with it?

There is so much more. I just can explain everything.

Can anyone possibly shed some light on this situation?

 

[herbavore]

Cut out all stimulants and anything else that increases paranoia. The thoughts you are having are not real but they become real for you so no wonder your anxiety grows. Give yourself a break and do everything possible to heal your brain--fish oil, good diet, sleep, counseling, self-help such as mindfulness, mood-gym, etc. I think that you will find that your trust issues are deeper than you think--it's part of being human, really. The more we can trust ourselves (by taking real care of mind and body) the more we can trust others. I really hope that you get some relief soon--I can only imagine that you are exhausted.

 

[Shrooms00087]

Hi there

Hi :D

Your post asks questions to which only you have the answers so I'm just going to reform your symptoms into questions.

I had intense paranoid delusions such as
- everyone can see what is on my computer and what I am doing all the time, including my friends
- everyone was conspiring against me in some way
- I felt like everyone was watching my life (like the truman show)
- like everything was a constant test of my loyalty and everyone was in on it

What is on your computer that causes you to be paranoid?
What are their motives and what possible outcome could this have?
The only one watching your life is you, everyone else is just speculating.
If everything is a test of loyalty (or some sort of virtue) why does it bother you? In other words you're only trying to prove something to yourself.

You feel like they can find "this"? What is "this"?
What if it is a game?

Panic attacks aren't fun the social group test might be a testing ground for paranoid schizo-effective disorder or something like that. But really everything you have said can be trivialized and you can reduce the effect it has on you. All I can say is it sounds like your brain is heating up; time to cool off a bit. Life isn't that serious.

God speed.

 

[sexNcandy]

It is very sad and makes me fear for your well being. Just your sentence saying you are "thinking that maybe this might have something to do with my feeling this way" is a terrible WARNING sign.

You should be able to realize that your drug use has everything to do with this paranoia. You need to get off this train or it might just keep getting worse and worse.

Know what you don't have in common with everyone else on the planet right now?

Well, everyone else upon reading your post would realize what is happening and know immediately that there is no one out to get you or watching you. In fact, everyone is too busy with their own shit. The only person who doesn't realize that and who thinks this might have any basis whatsoever is you.

It sounds like you are losing yourself in your own mind, you need to connect back to reality, seek the people that you trust the most (even if you don't entirely trust them at this point) and STAY close to them. Also I would say seek immediate professional help. It is your sanity that is at stake here, don't fuck around.

 

[Shrooms00087]

^ This is a little harsh. Here's a more eloquent way of saying what you said:

When we conceive the love of suffering, we lose the sensibility of the senses and dead, dead we will live in that garden. St. Catherine of Siena.

 

[sexNcandy]

^ This is a little harsh. Here's a more eloquent way of saying what you said:

When we conceive the love of suffering, we lose the sensibility of the senses and dead, dead we will live in that garden. St. Catherine of Siena.

I didn't mean to be harsh. I'm just concerned with the OP. Hopefully he will keep us updated.

 

[ilovecrystal]

Thank you all for your very kind words. At the moment I am working on exercising and getting into a routine. It's good to know that these things aren't really happening and that it is just my head going over board. I guess it doesn't help being such an introvert.

I have cut a few people out of my life and I'm finding that my paranoia is slowly dissolving into a thing from the past. One of the people that I have cut out of my life has mental issues and I feel that from being empathetic her characteristics and thoughts have brushed off on me a bit too much. I have never had problems like this before.

I don't know what else to say but thank you for taking the time to reply.

 

[Shrooms00087]

One of the people that I have cut out of my life has mental issues and I feel that from being empathetic her characteristics and thoughts have brushed off on me a bit too much.

With all do respect this is still paranoia. If anything you should empathize more with your friend. You see? It's a cycle of thought which you must break. Just focus on being healthy (this means mentally too) and the rest will fall into place.

 

[ilovecrystal]

With all do respect this is still paranoia. If anything you should empathize more with your friend. You see? It's a cycle of thought which you must break. Just focus on being healthy (this means mentally too) and the rest will fall into place.

I do empathise with her fully, but there are just some things I can not forgive. I am learning to trust people again and to enjoy life by letting go of my fears instead of trying to hide them away inside my mind. I have let go of the past and accepted the changes that life brings.

I work full time and have been exercising daily, my job can be physically demanding sometimes anyway. I eat plenty of fish and fibre (and chocolate too ) and trying my damned hardest to get off those energy drinks!

I think part of my paranoia stems from being a little eccentric at times and not being comfortable with it.Also the fact that I am a people pleaser did not help. I am taking life a little less seriously and looking forward to the positive goals I have set myself.

Honestly, just reading the advice from the amazing people on here has seemed to have woken me up. The fact that people are telling me that it was all just in my head makes me feel soo much better in itself. I really can't thank you all enough for making me feel that I'm not alone.

 

[ilovecrystal]

Cut out all stimulants and anything else that increases paranoia. The thoughts you are having are not real but they become real for you so no wonder your anxiety grows. Give yourself a break and do everything possible to heal your brain--fish oil, good diet, sleep, counseling, self-help such as mindfulness, mood-gym, etc. I think that you will find that your trust issues are deeper than you think--it's part of being human, really. The more we can trust ourselves (by taking real care of mind and body) the more we can trust others. I really hope that you get some relief soon--I can only imagine that you are exhausted.

Thanks for this. I have been doing some research on psychology and have found that a lot of my trust issues are deeper than I thought, my findings have amazed me actually. I know my triggers and how to deal with them. Thank you for reassuring me that it wasn't real