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I can't tell if she's interested

S

Slash5331

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 10, 2010
Messages
77
I met this girl a while ago at a party. We only met in person once at that party but since then we have been chatting from time to time on Facebook. We have a lot in common in terms of our problems with drug addiction and mental health. When talking to her on Facebook she seems enthusiastic about talking to me, and she will sometimes message me out of the blue just to say hi and have a chat (just recently she messaged me while I was completely offline, and asleep, just saying hello, which was really nice to wake up to at 2am).

A few days ago I asked her if she would be keen to hang out sometime, by grabbing a coffee or sushi or doing drugs or whatever. She said she would be keen, but mentioned that she gets a lot of anxiety over those sorts of things. From there it seemed as though she avoided making any concrete plans and soon said she was too drunk and would talk to me later - though I'm not sure if this was just an excuse to end the conversation.

The other day I asked if she'd like to hang out over the long weekend, and invited her on a very romantic date of sitting on a hill overlooking the city with a few drinks/smokes/drugs/whatever. She laughed it off and said she better not as she was trying to cut back, but said she would still be keen to hang out but that it would be more fun with more people around. Despite mentioning cutting back, she proceeded to get drunk that night (such is the life of an addict).

I am having some trouble here trying to figure out if she is actually interested in me sexually but it's just hard to get through to her due to her anxiety; or if perhaps she just likes talking to me and wants to be friends.

It's nice to know she was thinking of me late on a Friday night, whilst probably out with her friends, but maybe I'm reading into things too much.

What does SLR think?
 
i think if you never meet in real life where is this going?

you met once in real life then have never met up since despite effort on your part.

sorry but until she meets up with you in real life like real friends/acquaintances/boyfriends/girlfriends nothing real will ever come of it.

i would push for another meet and then be done with it if she messed me about
 
The fact that she takes drugs/drinks alcohol and is addicted doesn't automatically mean she will want to share that with you, addicts can have a wide spectrum of attitudes toward their addictions at different stages. She might not want a boyfriend/partner who will only keep her dependent or drag her deeper, but perhaps rather need (consciously or not) someone who would know better/have stronger will, so in my opinion mentioning drugs as a part of meeting up is a very bad idea. If she mentions anxiety over socializing, she doesn't seem to be fine with her drug use at all, when she takes drugs or drinks by herself, it might feel much different, than sharing it with someone. I took benzodiazepines and opioids for years to dull my pain, definitely it never worked out as a thing connecting me with someone, I'd quarrel with a girl over her drug use, and she'd do the same over my use even though she was an addict herself.
 
Hm... I can see how she backed out of the romantic date... it's too intimate. Too... datey.

Why not just ask her to go to lunch? Somewhere casual, like $30 ish price range. Like.. ask her casually... when you guys are chatting and are both at home, "doing nothing", you could be like, oh I'm hungry, I think I'm going to check out _______________, wanna come? Or I think I'm going to grab some bubble tea, etc.
 
Personally I would be direct and ask the question if she is interested in you or not
 
I sense she is "friending" you. That said, just ask where you two stand. Platonic friends only or is a mutual attraction there. Go for it!
 
What activities doesn't she get anxiety about? Try to figure that out and accommodate her from there.
 
If she's avoiding you after you asked her to hang out and you've only spent time with her the one time I'd say she's probably not that interested. That's generally how I go about it when I'm trying not to be too blunt. She may just enjoy having someone to talk to. I also get anxiety when it comes to hanging out with new people, but if I genuinely want to build a relationship (not a sexual one) I will at least hang out with them..
 
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