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i cant see the light at the end of the tunnel

kingtweaker92

kingtweaker92

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 23, 2012
Messages
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united started
december of last year was a definite lowpoint in life for me. i had been abusing my DOC for way to long. almost 2 years. and now my DOC has gotten me involved with the DOC (Department of Corrections). i go to court soon, and after the pre sentence investigation the judge will determine if i deserve prison for possession of a schedule 2 CDS. i know Bluelight isnt about legal advice and im not asking for any legal advice.

im desperate. i cant seem to ask for help with my depression and social anxiety. possible bi-polar. i have no clue, i want help, but dont know how to ask my loved ones.

i shake constantly from anxiety. grit my teeth all the time. never ending worry about my future gets me exhausted both physically and mentally, yet i just cant sleep. im only 20 years old and know i need help with my depression. i have cravings sometimes, but know i dont want to go back to abusing my DOC. i feel i've created a chemical imbalance in my brain from long term/everyday abuse.

has anyone been in my shoes?
where can i go for help with no money?
i'm lost and dont know where to turn...

-KING :?
 
If you can, tell the judge that seeking medical help is something that you are going to do, regardless of if it will get you a lesser sentence or not. Seeing a doctor and getting help should now be your #1 priority.

Being on drugs throughout your teen years can be difficult to come off of. You may have forgotten what it feels like to be completely sober and your 'normal' brain functions may seem wrong to you. The longer you go without drugs the better it will get.

I'm not sure about the options for those in the US with no insurance but maybe someone else will be able to point you in the right direction.
 
I can relate about not knowing how to ask for help or where to turn. Just reaching out on an internet forum is a step in the right direction :). It's important to get help, it's incredibly hard to bear it alone. But when you feel anxious and depressed it can be hard to do so, especially if you don't have anyone in your life you feel you could share with. Do you think you could approach someone who cares about you? Even just start by sharing a little, like mentioning you feel scared or worried? Maybe just telling them a little could start a dialogue and would be easier to convince yourself to do, as it wouldn't feel so overwhelming?

I'm assuming you live in the US?
If so, these resources would be a good starting point:
Mental Health America - How Do I Find Treatment

And if you have a lawyer could you talk to them about it? Telling someone involved with your legal case that you want to seek help for your mental health issues would be a good idea.
 
Re-distributed said:
If you can, tell the judge that seeking medical help is something that you are going to do, regardless of if it will get you a lesser sentence or not. Seeing a doctor and getting help should now be your #1 priority.

Being on drugs throughout your teen years can be difficult to come off of. You may have forgotten what it feels like to be completely sober and your 'normal' brain functions may seem wrong to you. The longer you go without drugs the better it will get.

I'm not sure about the options for those in the US with no insurance but maybe someone else will be able to point you in the right direction.
Click to expand...


I hope so.

i desperately need somewhere to turn for help. eveywhere i find on bing or google cant help me with no money or insurance..
 
Swimmingdancer said:
I can relate about not knowing how to ask for help or where to turn. Just reaching out on an internet forum is a step in the right direction :). It's important to get help, it's incredibly hard to bear it alone. But when you feel anxious and depressed it can be hard to do so, especially if you don't have anyone in your life you feel you could share with. Do you think you could approach someone who cares about you? Even just start by sharing a little, like mentioning you feel scared or worried? Maybe just telling them a little could start a dialogue and would be easier to convince yourself to do, as it wouldn't feel so overwhelming?

I'm assuming you live in the US?
If so, these resources would be a good starting point:
Mental Health America - How Do I Find Treatment

And if you have a lawyer could you talk to them about it? Telling someone involved with your legal case that you want to seek help for your mental health issues would be a good idea.
Click to expand...

yes, i live in the US.

everytime i attempt to bring it up or my mom asks whats wrong i just brush it off like nothing is wrong or get choked up as if im about to cry..my dad passed away when i was very young and as the oldest of my siblings i've always thought i had to be tough on the inside and out.

i'm def. going to try your advice on approaching my issues with opening up. its so easy to open up here at BL though, the human interaction, face-to-face opening up is whats so uncomfortable fo me. but im gonna try.

thanks swimmingdancer for your kind words, advice and the link.
<3

-KING
 
Re-distributed said:
The longer you go without drugs the better it will get.
Click to expand...

get yourself involved with as many recovery avenues that courts recognize.. NA, Treatment, Some type of reputable church, get a job if you don't have one.. Play the part of a worthwhile citizen as the law looks at it. cultivate relationships with people you meet in doing this, volunteering at a church make a relationship with an authority figure in that organization, they can vouch for your recovery later, get a Sponsor, they testify in court all the time, look into treatment programs, may have financial aid available, 28 days in treatment is way better than years in the can, counselors from treatment will have your back and go to bat for you with the judge or pre trial investigators, if you are really putting the effort in. All this are good ways to avoid the can, in most cases when a user/addict is working to get and stay clean they usually dont want them to go to prison.. you might just find what else your looking for along the way.. very best wishes.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Buddha

you cant control what the courts decide so don't worry about it, nut you can control what they base that decision on!
 
neversickanymore said:
get yourself involved with as many recovery avenues that courts recognize.. NA, Treatment, Some type of reputable church, get a job if you don't have one.. Play the part of a worthwhile citizen as the law looks at it. cultivate relationships with people you meet in doing this, volunteering at a church make a relationship with an authority figure in that organization, they can vouch for your recovery later, get a Sponsor, they testify in court all the time, look into treatment programs, may have financial aid available, 28 days in treatment is way better than years in the can, counselors from treatment will have your back and go to bat for you with the judge or pre trial investigators, if you are really putting the effort in. All this are good ways to avoid the can, in most cases when a user/addict is working to get and stay clean they usually dont want them to go to prison.. you might just find what else your looking for along the way.. very best wishes.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Buddha

you cant control what the courts decide so don't worry about it, nut you can control what they base that decision on!
Click to expand...

thank you so much.

-KING
 
kingtweaker, I am so sorry to hear that you are now in the court system. I know when my son went into it his best allies were the public defenders. I know that a lot of people assume that since they don't make very much money and are "assigned" to you that they don't care. We found them to be the some of the only people in that system that did care.

Opening up to your mom, and any other family members that could help would be a very good idea. I know they will be worrying about the legal issues and may sometimes say things that make you want to close up even more. But now, more than ever, you need their support, and you need to let them know that you are trying everything you can to make things better.

If you feel like PMing me what state and county you are in maybe I could help you find help. I know in my county their are some really good people at Social Services and even with all the cuts, they will knock themselves out trying to get help for someone that is seeking it--especially someone with no money.

neversickanymore's advice was really good. Hang in there. I know it is terrifying but just keep asking for help and accepting it no matter where it is coming from.<3
 
If you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel it just means there's a few bends before you get out.. and the good news about there being no light at the end of the tunnel is a train isn't coming down the tunnel toward you either!
 
herbavore said:
kingtweaker, I am so sorry to hear that you are now in the court system. I know when my son went into it his best allies were the public defenders. I know that a lot of people assume that since they don't make very much money and are "assigned" to you that they don't care. We found them to be the some of the only people in that system that did care.

Opening up to your mom, and any other family members that could help would be a very good idea. I know they will be worrying about the legal issues and may sometimes say things that make you want to close up even more. But now, more than ever, you need their support, and you need to let them know that you are trying everything you can to make things better.

If you feel like PMing me what state and county you are in maybe I could help you find help. I know in my county their are some really good people at Social Services and even with all the cuts, they will knock themselves out trying to get help for someone that is seeking it--especially someone with no money.

neversickanymore's advice was really good. Hang in there. I know it is terrifying but just keep asking for help and accepting it no matter where it is coming from.<3
Click to expand...

it is VERY terrifying.

looking forward to your reply.

-KING
 
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