i can't possibly be the only person who is friends with an ex?

[_a_A_C_c_]

in fact, i would say we get along better now that we split up. it was a mutual split and there weren't very many hard feelings. and neither of us wants to get back together, so i don't think there is anything sinister to our friendship.

i realize that most breakups aren't mutual and there is a lot of hurt feelings. but i rarely see anyone posting about how they are still friends with their ex.

 

[Animal Mother]

I never trust the opinion of some one unaware of their own cognitive dissonance.

Problems in a relationship come from problems in character. Those rarely stop with the end of a relationship. So, if some one acknowledged problems in another's character, but was still able to call them a friend because they simply spend less time together? Very telling of their own character imo.

but hey, these are generalities. There are exceptions to every rule.

 

[Kieko]

Funny that I'd come across this....about six months ago I found my ex-husband on classmates and him and I communicate at least twice a week now, through e-mail only. He lives in Las Vegas, I'm in Alabama, so theres no chance in hell we'd ever hook up again. Plus were both married. We have a WAY better relationship now....granted its been 20 years, but its great to have an outside opinion about things going on in each others lives. My husband knows about it, he doesn't like it but I've been very honest about the whole thing. I think its normal to be friends with your ex's, especially if you were friends first.

 

[caseface99]

I'm friends with my Ex. I was with her for 4 years, So I didn't wanna just write her out of my life completely...

She lives in New Jersey now, I'm in cali. So we don't like, hang out all the time. But we talk on the phone every couple weeks just to catch up. I might see her for dinner or something when I'm back in Jersey for the holidays.

My current girlfriend doesn't like that I still talk to her, but I talked to her about it. It's her own insecurity and I explained that I don't appreciate being controlled and that if she trusts me then she wont worry about it.

 

[Tude]

It's not weird at all. If you still get along with each other, why not?

 

[Kieko]

yeah case....that's pretty much what I told my husband. He talks to his exs every now and than on facebook, and I have no problem at all with it, never have. I feel the same way, if you share your life with someone for any length of time than why would you write them off completely? Unless it was a bad breakup.....

 

[_a_A_C_c_]

I never trust the opinion of some one unaware of their own cognitive dissonance.

Problems in a relationship come from problems in character. Those rarely stop with the end of a relationship. So, if some one acknowledged problems in another's character, but was still able to call them a friend because they simply spend less time together? Very telling of their own character imo.

but hey, these are generalities. There are exceptions to every rule.

or two people that were in a relationship want two vastly different things and they aren't willing to compromise on the matter. so instead, they amicably split up.

 

[Animal Mother]

Eh.
One of the two of those things is generally the right thing. So, it may still fall in line with what I said.

Again though, exceptions to every rule. But the exception is never THE rule, and alot of people lose/never have sight of that.

 

[pofacedhoe]

hmm from the other side i recently brought it up with my SO tyhat i was concerned about how often his ex was finding reasons to see him.

its fine being friends with an ex but i think you need a good bit of time for the feelings to die down before its can be a genuine friendship and not a facade for further romantic feelings.

if in a year after not seeing each other they want to be friends that is different but after a few months spilt up following 6 years together. hmmm nah its not about that shit.

my theory is there has to be time apart for the wounds of love to cauterise before friendship can mushroom once more

 

[Beachcat]

I am friends with every single one of my exes. Granted, none of them were "bad" breakups but rather both of us recognizing it was time to part ways.

One of them is now severely bipolar and lives in a halfway house...I email his mom all the time to see how he is doing. One is still single and doesn't live here...we hang out like twice a year but talk on the phone all the time...I am his main person to ask about relationship advice, and I think I give him a good perspective since I "know" him that way. One live in my town and is married...my husband and I have dinner with the two of them quite a bit, and the last one is in a band and lives in NYC, so we mostly Facebook chat.

I don't think it is weird at all... The main reason I dated them in the first place is because I really, really liked them. Liked their personalities and sense of humor, etc. Just because our romantic relationships didn't work out didn't really change the other feelings. It would be different if they were assholes, or abusers I am sure, but none of them were, so....

 

[llama112]

hmm from the other side i recently brought it up with my SO tyhat i was concerned about how often his ex was finding reasons to see him.

its fine being friends with an ex but i think you need a good bit of time for the feelings to die down before its can be a genuine friendship and not a facade for further romantic feelings.

if in a year after not seeing each other they want to be friends that is different but after a few months spilt up following 6 years together. hmmm nah its not about that shit.

my theory is there has to be time apart for the wounds of love to cauterise before friendship can mushroom once more

Agreed... if it was a lengthy relationship, I think that both people need some time apart before friendship can really work. (Not everyone but I think most people can.) That way you can ensure both people are over the feelings.

I only have one ex. I think we could be on good terms but we were doing a long distance relationship and then I moved even further away. I really don't see him anymore and it doesn't make sense for me to try to communicate him. He's a good guy so I think we could be friends but it just doesn't make sense.

 

[nuttynutskin]

Yup, I only genuinely despise one person I've been with. And if I think about it I don't even really despise them because they clearly had some issues. I don't know maybe I'm just too nice at times lol.

 

[rm-rf]

do people find it normal to not be friends with anyone theyve previously dated?

 

[wizekrak]

I've remained friends with exes for a few months post breakup but the friendship was never the same. I was friends before with most of my exes but once you cross that line you can't really ever go back. I find after its usually just awkward or if I'm seeing someone new I feel like its bad form to still talk regularly to my ex. But I agree that most breakups occur because of character incompatibility. I broke up with my ex because of issues in her character and personality that would have made living together very difficult or impossible. At a friend level things could potentially work since there's less pressure and less involvement in terms of time and depth but at the end of the day the character flaws or issues still remain.

 

[YaBa]

We grow together and learned to be best friends among many other things. When we finally broke up in not so pleasant feelings, it took a while to just laugh together how we both had been like little kids who couldn't play nice together. After we didn't have any needs to be jealous, control each other and things like that - our friendship actually got a lot better. She is still one of the most important persons in my life who I feel I can always count on, even after I moved away we don't contact anymore that often. I still feel that no matter how long we are separate, after we see again we are quickly really close again.

My opinion is, that relationships should be based on friendship, even if it starts with love or lust. And if you build on friendship, even if you decide that you part ways, there is no need to lose a good friends. I understand that for some people it's too much to forget the past, leave the bitterness behind and kind of start over with different intentions. But for me, I'll feel sad if I lose a good friend.

 

[_a_A_C_c_]

I am friends with every single one of my exes. Granted, none of them were "bad" breakups but rather both of us recognizing it was time to part ways.

One of them is now severely bipolar and lives in a halfway house...I email his mom all the time to see how he is doing. One is still single and doesn't live here...we hang out like twice a year but talk on the phone all the time...I am his main person to ask about relationship advice, and I think I give him a good perspective since I "know" him that way. One live in my town and is married...my husband and I have dinner with the two of them quite a bit, and the last one is in a band and lives in NYC, so we mostly Facebook chat.

I don't think it is weird at all... The main reason I dated them in the first place is because I really, really liked them. Liked their personalities and sense of humor, etc. Just because our romantic relationships didn't work out didn't really change the other feelings. It would be different if they were assholes, or abusers I am sure, but none of them were, so....

that is awesome that you and an ex talk about dating. i asked my ex for advice and i value his advice because he knows me pretty well.

 

[Noodle]

I am still friendly with one ex. We were more friends than lovers, by my definition.

 

[Beachcat]

that is awesome that you and an ex talk about dating. i asked my ex for advice and i value his advice because he knows me pretty well.

Yeah, he seriously calls me a lot to ask my advice...I think I give him a really good perspective since I have an "inside track" on how he tends to act in a relationship.

 

[codienne]

hmm from the other side i recently brought it up with my SO tyhat i was concerned about how often his ex was finding reasons to see him.

its fine being friends with an ex but i think you need a good bit of time for the feelings to die down before its can be a genuine friendship and not a facade for further romantic feelings.

if in a year after not seeing each other they want to be friends that is different but after a few months spilt up following 6 years together. hmmm nah its not about that shit.

my theory is there has to be time apart for the wounds of love to cauterise before friendship can mushroom once more

Yes, This definitley. I am friends with a couple ex's. I cant say we are very close, It all depends on the relationship you had and how it ended ect...sometimes when its over its just over. My last ex...thats one of those...the relationship was way too incinerated and there is still too many layers of complications and hurt and ect to be friends even though its been a year..we both know, even though we could be amazing friends and the connection is still there, strongly. It wouldnt work unless we tore through all the layers and started fresh again..I dont think honestly that that is ever going to happen though so gotta leave it in the past. Sad, really. Anyways I think it depends on the relationship and the people involved...if it ended clean..if there will be no abuse/manipulation, if you can leave the plans the fights the expectations and lingering romantic stuff behind completely and have TIME inbetween...there is a chance.

 

[Neoprimitive]

I am friends with a few exs, in fact one of them even invited me to her wedding when she got married and I have watched her little boy ^-^ so having good relationships with exs is possible but it all depends on the break up we had a very amicable one. On the flip side i have had some serious nightmares ( ie i received a dear john letter while deployed and sadly enough the ex in question cleaned out my bank account and the apartment before i even got the letter) So yeah it all depends on the relative nature of the people involved. I still talk to the ex who invited me to the wedding hell in fact because she knows me so well i have even introduced her to the current girl ( and asked her opinion on the ring for the new girl ^-^) So i can relate to you on that fact that it is nice to maintain a friendship with some one who has gotten to know you and I mean the real you that insight can be worth the trouble of trying to balance a breakup and turn it into a friendship.