Znegative
Bluelight Crew
I went and did a two week detox to get me from 10-12 mg of xanax/day to 1 mg of klonopin, and also to detox me off my book a day heroin habit and I got on suboxone again.
I now am pretty fucking miserable. I often cannot sleep at night, and I crave so bad for coke, and the only way I can stop those cravings is to think about killing myself. I know it sounds super dramatic, but I really do consider it, the only thing that makes me not follow through is the thought of my family finding me dead, and the fact that maybe I will manage to get enough money together in the near future to cop again. I really don't care about the dope anymore, that's the funny thing. It's just the coke and the benzo's. I love waking up in the morning feeling jittery but knowing that I'll soon be feeling fucking good once that xanax hits, and I CANNOT get the thought of all those bell ringing good times I spent alone, mutilating myself with syringes.
I can't say I hate my life because I was given a good one, but I do hate myself because I feel like I've fucked everything up. I always thought dope was bad, but this coke garbage has me fiending like I never have before, and unfortunately there's no suboxone or methadone for a speed junky.
I now am pretty fucking miserable. I often cannot sleep at night, and I crave so bad for coke, and the only way I can stop those cravings is to think about killing myself. I know it sounds super dramatic, but I really do consider it, the only thing that makes me not follow through is the thought of my family finding me dead, and the fact that maybe I will manage to get enough money together in the near future to cop again. I really don't care about the dope anymore, that's the funny thing. It's just the coke and the benzo's. I love waking up in the morning feeling jittery but knowing that I'll soon be feeling fucking good once that xanax hits, and I CANNOT get the thought of all those bell ringing good times I spent alone, mutilating myself with syringes.
I can't say I hate my life because I was given a good one, but I do hate myself because I feel like I've fucked everything up. I always thought dope was bad, but this coke garbage has me fiending like I never have before, and unfortunately there's no suboxone or methadone for a speed junky.