Yeah not properly stabilizing was the mistake. I was just using large doses of Ativan to cover the secondary symptoms. I'm so fucking depressed right now.
Yeah not properly stabilizing was the mistake. I was just using large doses of Ativan to cover the secondary symptoms. I'm so fucking depressed right now.
Can I survive that first year where my brain chemistry is whacked out. Im just so scared to wake up and be 40 and alone. I'm so over being alone. I'm scared I'll be alone no matter which path I choose. I just have this inescapable need to destroy everything I touch
Haha man the thread title really bit me in the ass. I know the answer to why it felt easy though. Ativan. I don't remember much of the period to say the least. In the end it sorta worked. I cut my dose in half mostly stable at 3mg. Still some insomnia and muscle aches but nothing outrageous. Haven't taken any Ativan in awhile and don't plan too. Rebound anxiety was nasty last week.
Man today is rough. I have slept 2 hours in the last 48. Maybe 6 hours in the 48 before that. I have a horrible headache. Cold flashes and I'm still spewing water out every half hour which is making me dehydrated. To make matters worse I doubled my 4am dose of sub to try and sleep so I need to wait 5-6 hours past my usual afternoon dose time to stay at 3mg.
I need to start taking my depakote again but it makes me feel like absolute shit. It's most definitely not sedating at all either. In fact I think it has the opposite effect. I have Ativan I could get the script refilled today but the rebound anxiety was so bad last time I took it. I know I'm so close to physical dependency.