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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

I can't enjoy any high anymore

S

sogno

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 15, 2014
Messages
45
Location
Italy
Everything started 5 years ago when I had a bad trip on lsd: I thought I was going to die, extreme anxiety and when I couldn't hold anymore I even fainted. After this horrible experience even just a hit from a joint was enough to get me very anxious. I decided to not use any drug for 4+ years.
Two years ago I restarted to take drugs with moderation ( no lsd obviously, it scares me), no heroic dosage, just enough to get comfortably high.
I smoke some h and unfortunately I start panicking because I think I did too much and was going to OD. I smoke a joint and I get anxious. I even get anxious when I drink two or three beers. Basically everything I do I get anxious.
Do you have any advice in how enjoy my high a little more? Do you have similar experiences?
Thank you :)
 
sogno said:
Everything started 5 years ago when I had a bad trip on lsd: I thought I was going to die, extreme anxiety and when I couldn't hold anymore I even fainted. After this horrible experience even just a hit from a joint was enough to get me very anxious. I decided to not use any drug for 4+ years.
Two years ago I restarted to take drugs with moderation ( no lsd obviously, it scares me), no heroic dosage, just enough to get comfortably high.
I smoke some h and unfortunately I start panicking because I think I did too much and was going to OD. I smoke a joint and I get anxious. I even get anxious when I drink two or three beers. Basically everything I do I get anxious.
Do you have any advice in how enjoy my high a little more? Do you have similar experiences?
Thank you :)
Click to expand...
Just out of interest how old are you? If you don't want to answer I can understand, or PM me.

I'm 35 years old, and can relate to some of what you are going through. I first starting taking LSD when I was 14 years old and after my first bad (horrific experience) I swore never again to use LSD. Although I continued smoking pot generally with no problems for afew years up until the ages of around 16/17/18 years old where even where I would once find solace in smoking weed this too began to make me feel anxious yet I didn't stop smoking weed I had this idea, I was feeling anxious because I wasn't smoking ENOUGH weed! (Which now looking back seems bonkers and in my own experience (with the benefit of hindsight). Was where I should have realised drugs in any shape or form are no good for my mental health.

When I was 29 years old I began experimenting with Benzos/Opiates and here I am 5 years later still not quite being able to shake them monkeys off my back! :(

As you say " Basically everything I do I get anxious " This is exactly how I feel. If you continue using any drugs I can't see your problems going away.

I'm currently on 30mg Diazepam per day (Still!) Unfortunately I sometimes undo all the hardwork like tonight I've managed to get hold of some Temazepam 10mg tabs. So far in the past 3 hours I've consumed 200mg Temazepam (Roughly 100mg Diazepam) And I'm feeling very little nice recreational effects. Also after a 5 month break due to tolerance I've reinstated myself back on 600mg Pregabalin (Lyrica) per day. 300mg x 2 times per day. Although I've not taken any in 3 days. I may do tonight.

Is Pregabalin/Lyrica any good withe Temazepam? I also got Oxy.

Thanks.
 
I went thru a spell like this after I had a bad shroom trip.....couldn't smoke weed cause it got me very anxious but it passed after about 2 years.

I can definitely relate to what you're saying.......
 
Pregabalin and temazepam are very nice together. I've never done more than 300mg lyrica and 15mg temazepam (my prescribed daily dose) but you obviously are tolerant so have fun. :) I can't comment on the oxy since I still haven't done the benzo/opiate combo other than with kratom/tramadol.
 
Pregablin seems to go well with a lot of other substances! My daily dose is 450mgs, along with the baclofen, tramadol, oxycodone, and morphine I take, the Lyrica synergises very well. I can tell If I run out of it early as the buzz I get is not as good.

Pregablin........good stuff!
 
edgewise1 said:
Pregablin seems to go well with a lot of other substances! My daily dose is 450mgs, along with the baclofen, tramadol, oxycodone, and morphine I take, the Lyrica synergises very well. I can tell If I run out of it early as the buzz I get is not as good.

Pregablin........good stuff!
Click to expand...
That's some cocktail there!

Are they all prescribed?

The Diazepam and Pregabalin I mentioned in my post were all prescribed to me back at the end of September 2013 after I cold turkey'd off a huge 4 year habit of massive doses of Benzos and Oxy (All unprescribed!) Anyway I lost the plot and nearly lost my life. After I was released from hospital I was put on 30mg Diazepam per day and 600mg Pregabalin per day.

The hospitals advice to my G.P was to taper the Diazepam dose by 2mg every 2 weeks. But she ignored that and said a 5mg cut every 2 weeks would be ok (Even though in the past I had made it clear to her that I'd done my homework on Benzos etc. which she didn't like!) Anyway I kept on the Pregabalin at 600mg per day and carried on cutting mt Diazepam by 5mg every 2 weeks. I actually felt ok though to be fair as the previous 4 Years my useage was up and down and all over the place.

By mid-late November I told my G.P I was planning on going travelling (I had originally planned to leave the U.K on October 1st but as previously mentioned I was in no fit state back then) She said she could only prescribe me 2 Months worth of medication to go away with but that would be enough to taper down with. To cut a long story short, I left the U.K on 22nd November, and as I was feeling ok I foolishly didn't continue the taper as I should have. By the end of December I was starting to have severe withdrawal symptoms so I went to the nearest hospital and got reinstated on the Diazepam but not the Pregabalin. Now here I am 9 Months later back on 600mg Pregabalin per day and trying to stick at 30mg Diazepam per day and taper but with the job I now have (Teaching) my anxiety has began to cripple me again, and binges like last nights are not going to help the matter!

Sorry to steal your thread.
 
Pally pete, I just retired from teaching in July. Taught middle school for 30 years.

Anyway, yes all my meds are prescribed by my doctor. Been on the same dose for 1 1/2 years and it still works great for my pain not to mention that little lift I get everyday!

Also sorry for the hijack and now will quit.
 
Your brain just has a mechanism of defense, it assosciates all drugs to that one bad trip. One bad experience with anything is all it takes.

The only thing you can really do about it, is take calming substances mentioned above before or during a panic episode when trying to trip...or you can learn to master your anxiety. Just remember, no one has ever died from anxiety or panic attacks. I get anxious when I smoke weed every now and then, but then I realized that if an entire state like Colorado can legalize it for recreational use, then it obviously is not a harmful drug.

It's all about your state of mind. You can let that fear eat away at you, you can be scared...it's easy to give in. To be honest I would get so panicky sometimes that I was uncomfortable feeling my own heartbeat in my chest and would check my pulse every fifteen minutes for like 3 months. I was on anti-depressants, benzos, a mixture of all sorts of drugs to help "keep me stable". But only time and facing your fear will actually help you. I take benzos every once in a while, because I don't think the fear ever really leaves you after a bad experience. It is learning to master that fear, harness it in a different way that's the key.

Hard to understand, those words sounded like blasphemy back when I had crippling anxiety and stayed locked up in the house all day from drug abuse...withdrawing, feeling like I was going to loose my mind, the memories of the drugs freaking me out, terrifying me. I couldn't even go take a piss without getting scared that my heart would stop working. SERIOUSLY lol.

Anxiety is a terrible....terrible disease and powerful psychedelics can bring to the surface underlying psycological issues you weren't aware of before. Be brave, be strong, you can enjoy yourself, even if it means taking a break. I had to take a break for nearly a whole year before I felt remotely comfortable enough to try something easy like a lortab again (i remember i would split them in half, take the 5mg like a little bitch and have a panic attack because ...while it felt good...the feeling was foreign once again), when I used to chew handfuls of oxy and not give a flying fuck).

My first panic attack happened while I hit my peak on MDMA after like the 9th time I used it. Can you imagine how terrifying THAT was? Hearing that music in such a bizarre way, it was SO LOUD, my heart was racing, my face tingling, the whole derealization thing was happening. WHILE I WAS PEAKING ON E. I thought I was going to die right there on my couch. But it passed over. I dealt with panic for a few months until finally today I am able to sit here like others before me telling you the same things they told me. You will get better, it will become manageable...and you will be able to enjoy yourself again. I promise!
 
Maybe try to find out the cause of your anxiety? During your bad trip and your weed high, what did cause your anxiety? Why exactly did you feel anxious?
If you don't come to terms with the origin of your fear, you'll never be able to enjoy anything in life, not only drugs.
 
anxiety really can be a hard thing to deal with but its definitely not a disease. Its a disorder that can be treated. Alot of it is based on fear like someone above me already said. Most choices we make are fear driven and we don't even realize it. Its important to really take a moment, when you feel it coming on, and step back and see it for what it is. Why are you feeling this way. What is the root of it. 99% of the time our worries never happen or even close to happen. The ego is what usually comes up when you look into it. Somehow our ego is threatened or compromised. Usually its the opposite outcome that occurs. But our brains go to the worst things that can happen in a situation.
 
Maybe you should read the writing on the wall and start backing off of the drug use? If you're getting high to have fun, but it's not fun anymore, then what's the point? It sounds like you've matured enough to realize the danger in what you're doing, whereas before youthful ignorance was leading you to bliss.
 
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