Mental Health I can't do it because of my mom

[jammin83]

I know depression well and can related to what you've said. I think the steps you are taking are admirable and necessary, but you may have to do more. You're worth it.

Depression is a pesky cycle that can be really hard to break, but I promise you this, it is not hopeless no matter how hopeless it feels. I'm not trivializing for a second what you are going through. I was amazed how persistent my depression could be. I'd work really hard on one thing to get some resolution, and then it kept coming back up in some other way. It's really hard to pin it down. Here's what my won journey to heal myself lead me to understand. To address depression in it's entirety, you have to take care of yourself physically (sleep, nutritious food & medication), mentally (learning to address and direct your thoughts and learning to articulate your situation), emotionally (learn to feel more deeply what it is you are feeling — all emotions, even the ones that you don't want to feel —listen to it like you would a small child who is having an emotional reaction and you are helping them through it). Finally, a spiritual practice is important too. Meditation, prayer, church etc. Whatever attracts you and whatever you are most receptive to. It can seem daunting to have to do all these things to get better when your condition makes it difficult to function, but good news is you are doing it already. Now engage in the process more consciously, realizing that this is what you are doing. The beautiful thing about addressing it in this way is that when things do change(and they always do eventually), it's permanent. You don't have to hold-by-force your own happiness if such a thing is possible. Your medication starts to feel too strong and you discover you might need less or none at all. It transforms into a kind of vigilance and wisdom. Address you depression holistically is my advice. I shed a tear for your struggle but know that your depression may just be the best learning experience you will ever have, so time to listen to what this teacher is telling you.

Nice post man. I can dig it.

 

[Flickering]

you have to take care of yourself physically (sleep, nutritious food & medication),

Definitely.

mentally (learning to address and direct your thoughts and learning to articulate your situation),

Totally.

emotionally (learn to feel more deeply what it is you are feeling — all emotions, even the ones that you don't want to feel —listen to it like you would a small child who is having an emotional reaction and you are helping them through it).

Absolutely.

Finally, a spiritual practice is important too. Meditation, prayer, church etc. Whatever attracts you and whatever you are most receptive to.

Yep - more broadly speaking this is to pursue whatever gives your life meaning, it doesn't have to be what we conventionally think of as 'spiritual'. In my case, for a good long while, psychedelic drugs were my religion and that worked for me. I would simply go to beautiful places and drop four or five tabs and let the world amaze me once again. Not that I recommend that approach over any other, it is about what you're drawn towards. But let your practice be the centre around which the other three (physical, mental, emotional) flow and integrate - because none of them are separate, your life is a holistic picture.

The thing I want to emphasise on top of all this is to learn to accept things as they are right now, which is to say, if you can't sleep or you're unable to break the comfort habits of poor eating or whatever it may be, and you feel you're stuck in a shitty headspace because of it, let go of your need to escape it. That may sound like a contradiction but it really isn't. Think of it this way, when you set these goals and fail to reach them, you give your negative mindset more ammo to use against you. The single most important thing is to release attachment as much as possible, so you can begin to make real progress. You'll know when things begin to work because it won't require nearly as much effort, they will just start to flow. It's useless to TRY to be happy. Hope this all makes sense and doesn't lead you around in loops, it did that for me for a long time before it started to click.

know that your depression may just be the best learning experience you will ever have, so time to listen to what this teacher is telling you.

^^ This, believe it or not.

 

[Mjo95jr]

The single most important thing is to release attachment as much as possible, so you can begin to make real progress. You'll know when things begin to work because it won't require nearly as much effort, they will just start to flow. It's useless to TRY to be happy. Hope this all makes sense and doesn't lead you around in loops, it did that for me for a long time before it started to click.

This is the hardest part for me, just letting go. I want to TRY to be happy and TRY to live a "normal" life, but I can't. I understand the feeling of looping around and having nothing work, this is sort of the state I am in, at least in regards to trying to be happy. Any suggestions as to how, or what may help to get my head wrapped around the letting go part?

 

[jammin83]

I wish I had some advice for you there man. It's still hard for me to do that, it's a process for sure. But I do know that things get better. Some of us aren't 'normal' and have more issues than others but we can work on it. Things being 'good' will mean more to people that have experience with depression than to those who haven't had to deal with it ever. It doesn't mean you are flawed in any way to have feelings of sadness. You can't fully appreciate light unless you have experienced darkness. Things suck but we have to try and put effort in to change things and make things happen for us. It's especially hard when you are depressed.

I am coming out of a dark place I was in for a long time. But I do know that if we work at this things can change. It's easy to lose sight of our goals but we need to be working towards what we want. Focus on others too, but focus on yourself also. Think about what your goals are and what you want to do. This might help you feel like things make more sense.

I don't have a lot of answers but PM me if you need anything.

Hope you are feeling better.

 

[CFC]

This is the hardest part for me, just letting go. I want to TRY to be happy and TRY to live a "normal" life, but I can't. I understand the feeling of looping around and having nothing work, this is sort of the state I am in, at least in regards to trying to be happy. Any suggestions as to how, or what may help to get my head wrapped around the letting go part?

Find something that makes you cringe or recoil - eg often a photo of yourself that you really dislike is a good one to start with. Then practice acceptance of it.

Accept the image, the person in the image. The way you look. The thoughts you have. The feelings you experience. All the things about yourself that you want to change or dislike or frustrate you. Accept the depression, even the suicidal thoughts - you have them, after all.

Acceptance is probably one of the most profound mental states that humans are capable of, because it requires letting go of everything, all your taboos about how things *should* be, all your preconceptions, all the limitations you dump on yourself about how you should behave, what you should do with your life, how you should live, what your life will be about.

If you sense some kind of resistance to doing that, to letting go, focus your acceptance on that resistance. Question why you should fight the process? Tell it that it doesn't matter, that you're going to let it go anyway, that you're going to take your focus away from the thought/feeling and that it can always come back to annoy you tomorrow if it wants. But for now, you're going to accept how it is, and move on.

If this seems too difficult to do, perhaps try some basic mindfulness techniques to start with, just to prepare your mind for the process of acceptance and letting go you're about to begin?