I can't convey

[cherub]

I can't convey any words right now
the things that keep going through my mind

I can't convey the tears i cried today
as my body cramped up and I couldn't move
"Just a minute we need more samples"
Pain that hit me, with maybe more the thought
of what all this means.

tears flowing down my cheeks
my breathing so dilberate me trying to
not pass out.
He is only joking trying to lighten the moment
But it was a horror to me
"If i do ever had to take your uterus out, I promise
to spank it a few times"

WTF, more thoughts fill up my mind,
I was only looking at the moment
It was enough as it was
now i am thinking, how soon will it come to that

It doesn't change that i am woman
it shouldn't matter i have no kids
Someone just make it stop for now

I can't convey the panic that keeps happening
more then ever in the middle of the night
am I dead or am i alive
touch something feel something
just comprend anything
to make reality come back

I was never warm before, but now
it seems the chill is always with me
but I still get those moments
I become feverish, faint,
nausa taking over my body
They don't last for long but they
drain me

They keep saying, I am gona have to deal
for how long they can't say
The outcome still unclear
one mess after the other

I can't convey the words
Simple things emotionally i just don't care
I can't convey and I can't comprend

 

[Chaotic Action Man]

this is a really powerful piece. it brings up a lot of emotions in me when i read it. i've just been through a similar experience at my doctors office, and am waiting an results back from something that could be benign, or much much more serious.

the results, will take a while. don't worry of course etc etc..

thanks so much for writing this. you capture very well the feeling i have of helplessness, not fully understanding. the words of experts as they try and convey hope when all you want is the fear, and in this case pain, to ease away. for everything to be ok.

"I can't convey the panic that keeps happening
more then ever in the middle of the night
am I dead or am i alive
touch something feel something
just comprend anything
to make reality come back

*big hugs to you.*