I can't be relationship material; and, it's your fault.

[I Killed Mufasa]

Please let me know why I fail.
Before I begin my story, here's a little about me:
I'm white, 5'7, 21 years old, attractive(cute), Athletic, In control of my active emotions, intelligent and funny.
I describe myself this way to heal my self-esteem, because it is low; but, it is all based on what I've been told throughout my life.
Also: my parents divorced when I was 7(argued a lot in front of the kids)
My mom was distant and emotionally volcanic
My dad was the most insecure person I'd ever met, and expressed his loneliness through anger and control.

NOW:

So there I was, a happy go lucky 14 year old kid with no worries in the world. Hanging out with my small group of friends which consisted of boys and girls. Me and a friend have an experience, she doesn't want anything after. fine. Then I get into a relationship with a beautiful girl, we lose our virginity to each other. Our relationship ends because she decided to have sex with my best friend in the back of a car parked in a public parking garage. I'm 21 now, and looking back on my entire life since then, I think it's caused some real damage. Every relationship thereafter I have broken up with the girl before I had a chance to trust her enough to hurt me. Then I finally have a relationship with someone at age 20. I mean, I'm in love. It's incredible. She bounces for no apparent reason after a few months. Probably as damaged as I am or something, I don't know. That was last year, I'm over it. Anyway, I find myself completely unable to attract the opposite sex nowadays. I feel like if a girl shows interest, that there must be something wrong with them. I will even find myself attracted to girls until they show interest in me, then I demonize them like they must be seriously f**ked up to be drawn to someone like me, and I feel like I'm a pretty decent guy, more deserving than a lot of other guys out there. BUT IT GETS WORSE: A lot of the time I find myself feeling like I'm "too good" for a girl because she doesn't meet the standards of what I find physically attractive. Am I ill? Do I have some mental disease that forces me into loneliness? I've learned to be happy while single, I've had to; but, during those few months with the girl I truly cared about I was happier than I had been since I wasn't smart enough to know if I were happy or not. I can't ignore that memory of loving someone and feeling loved in return. I HAVE to fix myself in one way or another in order to find that again. If I don't, then fine, I'll die apathetically and boringly, but WHY SHOULD I when I know it's there? Please, if you have any suggestions or advice.

 

[Fatjosh]

You have to learn the lesson that all of us do and that is letting go. Its hard and nobody is perfect at it, I feel like it takes some soul searching.

 

[Azure Cloud]

It sounds like you recognize that you set yourself up to fail. That is good. You are reflective enough in thought that you will eventually figure out how to be a loving partner in a great relationship.

You need to realize that you will never be happy with anyone else until you are happy with yourself. Love yourself unconditionally, earn your own respect for yourself - whatever that takes - and no person will ever be able to take that from you no matter what she does.

 

[ZSSR]

I was 10 when my parents split. My mother and father were just like you described yours were back then.
I am now 20, 6'3", slick, have a job and go to college. I fell in love a few times but always ended up as the second choice. I had never seen a girl showing real interest in me, except mature women for some reason. I do not hang around with women much anyway (I am not gay), because that is the way my social life is.
I have lost virginity to an escort when I was 18, and continued using them to this day. When it comes to women I am a total failure and a loser, and I hate that feeling.
Now a days, I do not hit on girls any more, and never show ANY interest - as it actually makes me feel like a loser.

In my experience, girls always expect to get but are never able to give.
Better to love and lost, than have never loved at all - so I guess lucky you, my friend.
I have lost all hopes for love. This thing isn't for me, and as hard as it is for me to realise, I must accept it.

 

[Azure Cloud]

For women the most attractive man is one who is interesting and confident. You guys are young, you have loads of time for women in the future. Take the time you have now to develop yourself into the most interesting person you can be. Read a lot of books on a variety of subjects. Learn a foreign language. Find fulfilling hobbies. Learn to play an instrument.

Coming from a broken home may impact your perception of personal relationships and might be affecting your confidence, try a therapist just on the off chance that you are creating your own problems thru the way you perceive yourself.

Good luck guys!

 

[treezy z]

i'm not relationship material either due to past shit, i like to fuck but i don't trust females/got love for girls i'm involved with.