^ Nice work!!
The part of the brain thats addicted is really strong thats amazing. It can give us that hesitation and apprehension were its almost imposible to do things., hit us with fear and craving and reason after bs reason why we need it.
Hey rough.. don't beat yourself up at all. There is no shame or guilt warranted in a relapse. They happen until we can find our way out of the cycle of addiction. The thing we need to do is learn from and adjust for a better outcome at our next try. "whats the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing and expecting different results. This is so true with addiction, "if nothing changes, then nothing changes."
It sounds like your cycle is around three weeks then? If you have not checked this thread out please do as its got a pretty good presentation of the idea of the cycle of addiction.
Addiction Guide
We need to find our way out of the cycle. So if we ever use we need to identify what happened, why we think it happened, and what we need to adjust or what we plan on doing differently next time. Then we just get back up, dust yourself off, throw all guilt and shame out the window, and continue moving forward.
There are a few ways relapses happen, the cycle seems to explain whats been going down with you pretty well. But we can also find yourself triggered at the most unexpected times.
Like Saffron stated and GenericName12 agreed, I remeber the post you saw through it 12 in the getting staying thread after the party, and went from doing all you could to resit doing it, to no longer wanting to do it, but it is absolutely true, it will never be or feal that way again. I now believe it may never have been that way ever. I think its fantasy constructed from real memories. If it did happen it was a just snapshot in time where everything negative has been removed.. its a fantasy that we are bombarded with to ware us down, its a manipulation and try to make use use.
It whispers we are going to feal like heaven. It says we can just use a little, it says its been so long and we have worked do hard that we deserve it, it says we can handle it. it says we cant deal and should just take a little break or rest and then it will be easier, it tells us we are missing out on the most amazing thing, ALL lies, lies, lies.. everything that comes out of its mouth is a lie.
It will never feal that way ever. We will not be be able to use little amounts of substances we are addicted to and be satisfied and it will take hold again, Why would we reward all are hard work doing something that pretty much makes us feal pretty gross and will take control of our lives, it is never easier after a little use it becomes instantly harder and the intervals between use will become shorter and the amount used will become larger thus we start the downward spiral and we all know where that lands, even worse of than we were the last time we fell for its bullshit.
Try and learn how to recognize the way that part of your mind manipulates you.. fantasy, emotions, cravings. Try and develope strong techniques that work for you to deal with its bag of mirriors.
Once you see through the illusion, you wont fall for its tricks.. Its like any other illusion, once you see it you can't not see it.
Your doing great rough
..its a learning process, we just need to remember to study the lessons in preparation for its next test.
. Don't harp on relapsing, forgive yourself and keep giving sobriety your best. You will beat this.
