TDS I am under stress worried about a sick friend

[CaffeineContent]

Please move this to the dark side.

TL;DR version: a friend of mine is sick and in the hospital and they dont know whats wrong with them but they are doing tests to figure it out. Meanwhile I am very worried for them and it makes me want to drink or use drugs even though I havent used anything in 3 months. My friend told me not to worry about them at all but I cant help it and I wind up thinking of the worst case scenario since I have had other friends who died of things like cancer, heart attacks, and theyre not really yet sure what is wrong with my friend...so I imagine the worst.

Has anyone else gone thru something like this? How did u cope with it? I am not gonna go use any drugs or drink but I do talk to my friend and they said not to worry but I hope they get better. I dont normally pray but I am now for my friend and I hope they get better and figure out whats wrong with them.

 

[spork]

It's a lot harder than it sounds, but try and take your friend's advice and not worry too much right now. It sounds like you've suffered through a lot of loss, which I know makes this even more difficult for you but until the doctors have some sort of diagnosis it'll probably be best for you (and your friend) to take everything one step at a time and imagine that your friend will get through whatever is ailing them rather than expecting the worse. Just the fact that your friend is telling you not to worry, gives me reason to believe that they are incredibly strong.

Do you have any mutual friends or other trustworthy friends that you can talk to about this?

 

[fifleman]

CaffeineContent:

I understand your worry. Hopefully you can understand it as well so that you may rise above it. Worry does absolutely no good.

Two years ago, I was running on the treadmill at my gym here in town. I got done and walked over to my phone. I had several missed calls and a voice mail from my mom where she sounded frantic. I knew something was wrong and called back. "Dad is having a heart attack and is being flown down to Lincoln" (where I am). Damn. For a guy who ran 13 miles the Tuesday before the heart attack on Thursday; for a guy who has never smoked anything in his life; for a guy who has traveled the world and scaled twenty-thousand foot plus mountains; for a guy who did all this and has lived "correctly", he's in the middle of a life-threatening situation? I was hurt and scared.

I was sober at the time, maybe five or six months in. The last thing in the world that I thought about doing upon receiving this news was drinking or using. The first and foremost thing in my mind was to be strong and there for my mom. They had worried years over my drinking and drugging and no way in hell was I going to be selfish to make a decision to bring my own unnecessary drama into an unprecedented, dire situation.

I ran this through my head at the time. "My dad is having a heart attack, so I am going to drink." How does that make sense? It doesn't. I am not the one who needs the special care and attention and I am not the one who is the "center of attention" in this situation. For the first time in my life, I was able to see with clear eyes just how potentially selfish I could be.

A triple bi-pass later and just down from the Colorado mountains skiing yesterday, my dad is 65 and still going strong. Thanks be to Buddha and the wisdom I didn't know I had at the time, I am able to look back at that time and realize I did all that I could as a sentient human being caring for another sentient human being, my father. I do not have a guilty conscious about using or drinking or being selfish.

I encourage you to think about what is your problems and what is your friends. This is not your problem. If you choose to use and drink, you may not be able to be there for them when they really do need you to worry about them. You may not be able to be there for them when they need you. To drink or drug right now over your friend's situation would be a very selfish and unconscious thing for you to do. This is not about you, and I hope you will not make it about you.

If you must meditate, accept sickness and death as a part of life, or keep yourself busy, then I hope you can. The fact is that your friend is in the best possible place to be with people who know what they're doing. Worrying is the disease of now.

Simply let go of mind-made worry and work on being happy yourself. Work on you so that when your friend comes home healthy, you are able to welcome them in with strong arms and a heart of golden-empathy.

You will be OK.

 

[ad lib]

As difficult as it may be, try to take it one day at a time. Be there to support your friend as much as possible if they allow visitors.

Right now, you do not have any answers. That's okay- you will get them though. And then when you do get the answers, you may have been stressing for nothing. But until you have answers from the doctors, then take the information and go from there.

It is only natural to feel like this about someone we care about. When my grandma was in the hospital I dealt with the stress by not eating and crying my eyes out. I know trying not to stress is an extremely difficult thing, but if you're able to do that then you may be more clear minded to deal with the situation.

Why did your friend go into the hospital? What type of symptoms did s/he go in there for?

xx