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I am slowly dying

TINK

TINK

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 7, 2000
Messages
2,768
Location
Southern California
I just don't know what to do anymore. My physical pain is out of control and my emotional well being is circling the drain quickly. I spent 7 hours in the ED room and they still couldn't figure out what is wrong. More tests are going to be ran.

My job is in jeporady because of my illnesses. I have absolutely no social life. I have no friends or family where I live. I have not been able to make friends since i moved down her in 2009.

I am not suicidal by any means, but I feel like I am just killing myself inside and don't know how to fix it. My doctors are at a loss and I am at a loss.

After 16 years of battling this shit, I just want to be done.
 
Oh Tink, this is so horrible to hear hun. I have been worried about you because you've not been online :(
What is the latest? Please PM me if you want to talk one-on-one <3
 
I have fibromyalgia, sjogrens syndrome, hypothyroidism, chronic migraines, depression, anxiety, plantar facitis in both feet, edema on both legs and possible DVT.

My life is falling apart. I lost my best friend (she just stopped talking to me), I am being harassed at my job because of my illnesses (eventhough I am protected by federal law).

My dream job that I have been waiting on just stopped calling and will not return my VM's or emails.

I live alone, no family, no friends and I am extremely lonely. My closet friend/family is 6 hrs away. I can't seem to meet friends because my shrink says I am becoming agoraphobic. So if I am not at work then I am at home.

My soul is dying and I really don't give a damn about anything anymore. I was sick for 8 days and not a single person even realized that I was not at work or online. It was rather heartbreaking,
 
TINK said:
I was sick for 8 days and not a single person even realized that I was not at work or online.
Click to expand...
Hun, please see the exact text that I wrote above:
n3ophy7e said:
I have been worried about you because you've not been online :(
Click to expand...

I noticed, and I was worried.

I know you're feeling down and you're going through a really tough time but there are a lot of people who care <3
 
Sorry Tink <3 Do keep up the fight and hope that things will get better. It must be an extremely difficult situation that you're in at the moment. I hope you can find peace. And sometimes things do have a way of changing without us ever being able to predict how it would turn out that way.
 
This sounds like a very difficult situation and I can only say that you are strong beyond my ability to imagine, and that I really hope things somehow can improve. And it sounds like these ^ people really do care and noticed your absence!
 
TINK, I'm so sorry about this :( Try to catch me on FB and I'd love to chat with ya, you're an awesome woman. I wish there was more than I can do from here for you...I'm also rather lonely and friendless, if we lived closer I'd definitely be keeping you company when you weren't feeling good :(
 
Tink am sorry things are so difficult for you at the moment. :( I remember seeing your pictures after your operation and you describing your struggle and I thought how brave you were and have so much respect for you hun. <3

Your posts on TDS and have always highlighted to me what a beautiful heart you have and gorgeous person you are. <3

Those scumbags that you work with dont deserve your thoughts or energy- fuck those bastards TBH!:!

I know its hard to keep your spirits up atm but please hang in hun. <3

Feel free to pm me anytime<3
 
please get checked for LYME DISEASE <edit -Caps too large>. I've had the same symptoms for a long time and a lot of my friends do too. In the end, they all had lyme.


check this movie out as well. It will help explain how it has become an epidemic. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1202579/
 
Last edited by a moderator:
though it might seem easy to just give in, stay strong TINK. there's so many people here and outside bluelight that love you dearly <3
 
dcraver877 said:
please get checked for LYME DISEASE <edit -Caps too large>. I've had the same symptoms for a long time and a lot of my friends do too. In the end, they all had lyme.
Click to expand...

Seconded. I have rheumatoid arthritis, and I'm pretty sure it's lyme. I'm on the long and winding path to figuring it out. At least get tested. Chronic Lyme is a serious and seriously undertreated and widely unrecognized condition.

Though, are there ticks in southern Cali?

Huh.

I was at a similar rock-bottom situation last winter (but not nearly as terrible as your situation) and took Iboga TA, and it... was a good idea. Look into it. It's sort of a psychological and neurological de-frag and re-set.
 
TINK said:
I have fibromyalgia, sjogrens syndrome, hypothyroidism, chronic migraines, depression, anxiety, plantar facitis in both feet, edema on both legs and possible DVT.

My life is falling apart. I lost my best friend (she just stopped talking to me), I am being harassed at my job because of my illnesses (eventhough I am protected by federal law).

My dream job that I have been waiting on just stopped calling and will not return my VM's or emails.

I live alone, no family, no friends and I am extremely lonely. My closet friend/family is 6 hrs away. I can't seem to meet friends because my shrink says I am becoming agoraphobic. So if I am not at work then I am at home.

My soul is dying and I really don't give a damn about anything anymore. I was sick for 8 days and not a single person even realized that I was not at work or online. It was rather heartbreaking,
Click to expand...

TINK i dont really know you but upon reading about your situation and summing it up to what i have and the fact im in here complaining about my life falling apart, The deepest of sorrow fills my heart, when i read these stories i truly feel for you as a total stranger, and im sure u got alot of support on here already but u are loved here as every human should be its one of the most important things imo. Ever want to chat do the PM thing and il give you an email addy.
Hope ur hangin in there!!!<3
 
TINK -

You always have friends in TDS. Please don't give up. The world needs more people like you. The pain may never truly go away, which is a harsh reality to bear. But you're a strong and loving individual.

Fibro is a real and unrecognized disorder. It doesn't need to stop you from living your life. There are no tests for fibro and a lot of people consider it a whiny disease. If they lived a day in your shoes, they'd know.

I urge you to continue to reach out to your friends. The feeling of being alone is terrible; please be kind to yourself. I've found that dancing or taking a nice hot shower is quite lovely. Mind out for getting sunburned, relax as best you can, and realize that you have a condition that is not yet treatable with 'modern' medicine. Lots of water and a healthy diet will not serve you wrongly.

I believe you know how to reach me if you need to text or talk - I won't judge you or discipline you. You have a genuine medical condition that is tough to bear. You have my compassion and my empathy; here in TDS we're all friends. I'd very much like to hang out with you, and it will happen.

<3 Keep your head up, lady - the world needs you. <3
 
Would that I could offer some encouraging words to you. You're incredibly resilient, with a deep core of determined strength-- that's evident. The only thing that comes to mind is the suggestion that some people have found some relief from fibromyalgia using a low-stress diet. I can send you links for some details if you're interested, but it's centred around easily digestible, carefully balanced plant foods. But you've probably already considered diet as a possible remedy.

I must echo what Mariposa has said: you've always have your BL support, but do try to keep in as good of touch as you can with your IRL friends. We can wish you all the best in the world (and I know that I certainly do), but there isn't any real substitute for a warm hug from a good friend in a time of need. Again, I wish that I had some good advice on how to do this, but I've only a few good friends, and have a very hard time keeping in touch as well.
 
This isn't much help, but if I lived in California, I'd come over and give you a gigantic hug and remind you that you're not alone. Just keep on fighting... in the long run, we're all so miniscule, especially when you take into consideration outer space, the universe, the cosmos... it's very fucking hypocritical to say but we are all dealt a particular hand of cards at birth and that is what we have to live with. It's *how* we live with it that counts. Do everything in your power to make life meaningful to *you*. Don't give up.
 
Dear Tink, I sent you a pm (or 2). I want the very best for you. I am so saddened by how rough you have been having things. Please take heart. I know many care for you just reading this thread. Love n Light, CS
 
I guess I will address this to the BL community and perhaps somebody has answers as to how Tink is. I know her very little, but have always been warmed by her common sense, gentle demeanor. I have pm'd her, but looking into it, she has not been on BL since7/6, so the responses here and in her pm haven't got to her. Does anyone know how she is? I wish for an update. Her OP was pretty desperate. Can someone find out how she is doing and let me know? Thank-you, so much, CS
 
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