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I am forced to quit Dex cos dealer has shut up shop

M

MrsGamp

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 3, 2020
Messages
1,280
that's it. I am too depressed to write more. I don't know how I am going to live. I honestly don't.
 
MrsGamp said:
that's it. I am too depressed to write more. I don't know how I am going to live. I honestly don't.
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i am full of sympathy. It is terrible to suddenly be cut off from your only connect. That said, it would do me a world of good and simplify my life choices if my connects shut up shop permanently.
 
I don't know ... Thank God I saved a few for "just in case" situations ... in this case I am going to see my daughter in Grease.

It's so depressing but if I hadn't put these few dex aside I honestly don't think I would've made it ... without the Ds my body aches all over, I feel so tired, and nothing seems to have any point. Even making my daughter happy seems pointless.

I don't know how I am going to deal with the depression that is bound to ensue - I really don't. I know I'll feel shitty for a good long while. I just hope not forever.

TBH am so panicky would go to NA meetings as I've heard they're mainly good places to score ... but I'd need pills to get me out of bed.

Nightmare. Wish I'd NEVER started taking Dex. I used to somehow manage before.
 
If things get worse try work out a program with a GP or something to help you along. The depression and insomia from a long period of stimulant use will last a while insomia should start to clear up after a month. Energy took me a long time to recover aswell but i eventually recovered expect my focus. Its possible to heal the brain and feel pleasure out of life again. Good food and trying to stay connected socially to anybody that will force you to drag yourself out of bed. It will be a long road but quitting is better long term.

Wish you all the best.
 
I DID manage to get to bottle shop this morning and chugged down a few wines but not too many because I don't wanna be half-cut when I see my daughter ... planned to wait til four to take the pills but caved in at 3.30 pm ... have 4 left to get me through the whole thing. So sad that because of drug addiction I am viewing seeing my daughter perform as more like an ordeal than something fun ...I wasn';t like this before.

I did buy her a Buzzcocks album. I hope she doesn't already own it. I suppose one small consolation is I'll have a lot more money now....byut what can you do with $$$$ when you are too depressed to move?

How does one force oneself to live and do shit? I used to know. But my old methods don't seem to work these days ... I am so weakened by years of drink and pills.
 
MrsGamp said:
TBH am so panicky would go to NA meetings as I've heard they're mainly good places to score ...
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That’s pretty much a myth I think (except where there are a lot of court-ordered reprobates being forced to go to the meetings. I went to one earlier this week and people were very welcoming and sincere and gave me good advice - most were many years sober.

Do you think you would benefit from going to see a brand new doctor and just unloading everything on them and asking for a fresh look at what your diagnosis really is and what new pathways forward their might be?
 
I spent most my time just walking in the park to try quieten my mind, Volunteering at a spca or hanging with animals helped alot aswell.

It takes will power to just get out of bed due to the depression but once you get into a daily rhythm and write down goals each morning how you feel etc plan your day out it will be hard but just try your best.
 
TripSitterNZ said:
If things get worse try work out a program with a GP or something to help you along. The depression and insomia from a long period of stimulant use will last a while insomia should start to clear up after a month. Energy took me a long time to recover aswell but i eventually recovered expect my focus. Its possible to heal the brain and feel pleasure out of life again. Good food and trying to stay connected socially to anybody that will force you to drag yourself out of bed. It will be a long road but quitting is better long term.

Wish you all the best.
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Thanks ... because of COVID and all the lockdown stuff there's not a lot of socialising going on ...perhaps I'll start a blog here about not being on Dex. It will give me a reason to get up in the morning. Then again, I KNOW I'll feel so awful tomorrow and the next day and the day after that ...to the extent that even turning my computer on will seem akin to swimming the English channel.

Plus I can't write very well anymore without stims. I hope that will improve in time.
 
MrsGamp said:
Thanks ... because of COVID and all the lockdown stuff there's not a lot of socialising going on ...perhaps I'll start a blog here about not being on Dex. It will give me a reason to get up in the morning. Then again, I KNOW I'll feel so awful tomorrow and the next day and the day after that ...to the extent that even turning my computer on will seem akin to swimming the English channel.

Plus I can't write very well anymore without stims. I hope that will improve in time.
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I’ve been doing lots of research about quitting stims and a lot of people say that terrible lethargy and hopelessness only lasts a max of 2 weeks.
 
TripSitterNZ said:
I spent most my time just walking in the park to try quieten my mind, Volunteering at a spca or hanging with animals helped alot aswell.

It takes will power to just get out of bed due to the depression but once you get into a daily rhythm and write down goals each morning how you feel etc plan your day out it will be hard but just try your best.
Click to expand...
Thanks. And thanks for owning that IS hard - to get outta bed just "high on life", when you're used to being, well (let's face it) high on drugs and therefore everything is easy and fun ...
 
Atelier3 said:
I’ve been doing lots of research about quitting stims and a lot of people say that terrible lethargy and hopelessness only lasts a max of 2 weeks.
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I hope so, mate!

I'll have to try to not drink so much as a substitute though, or I'll never get past the first hurdle ...
 
Drinking won’t do much for the problem of getting out of bed in the morning. It just compounds anxiety and depression.
 
Atelier3 said:
Drinking won’t do much for the problem of getting out of bed in the morning. It just compounds anxiety and depression.
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yeah, I know. I use booze during daytime to sort of dumb myself down so I can tolerate doing really dumb things, because attempting anything cerebral just seems utterly impossible. and the Dex were helping me a bit with that - I'd started researching for a possible paper on the writer Elfriede Jelinek ...but if I am not on Dex it seems so pointless. Even if a journal took it, it's not going to magically revive my academic career....
but of course in recent fortnight I have binged a lot and done nothing except weird TikTok videos.
 
anyway here I am at Grease! Just bumped into my daughter in car park and took a photo ...she looks great. I look like shit. Take last 2 Dex now or wait til intermission?
 
schizopath said:
Yes, option 1. Find a new dex dealer. Option 2. Find a new drug dealer. Option 3. Stop all drugs.
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Option 3 is out of the question, but the only illegal thing I buy is dex - my Valium and pissy amounts of tramadol and codeine come from GPs.
I've had such a bloody horrible night.
 
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