I am evil.

​

I am practically a married woman. I've been with my boyfriend for three years in May. He has devoted SO much love, money, and attention to me. Our dirty secret is he has horrible vices. He has hit me, he's an alcoholic, a huge pot-head, and he actually gets off on saying cruel things to me sometimes. Plus he just had a drug overdose that was VERY preventable and STUPID of him!!
All of these things combined have added up to me being very ummm disgusted by him lately. Well, that is strong wording. I am just not feeling romantically inclined towards him. The feeling has been building for a while. I am realizing more and more that we have very few things in common. His family hates me. I'm just having a hard time seeing a future.
Then a few weeks ago, I met R, who just happens to be MARRIED (but you'd never know it based on how he flirts with practically ANY female). He actually prevented the bf from getting violent on me once, so he is not all bad, plus I couldn't avoid seeing him, because I was living in the building he works in. He's tall, thin, and good-looking- and knows it
Anyways, the night before I moved out of the building, R and I got fucked up together. Like, REALLY drunk and stoned. He made it very obvious he wants me to be his "mistress" (he's been with the same girl pretty much since he was 14)... He said he likes me cuz I've only been in long-term relationships so I'm good and clean! The thing is, there is no sugar-coating something this wrong.
He is so shallow, and just wants to cheat to put a notch on his belt and inflate his ego even more, yet I'm SO INTO HIM.

Anyway, no cheating, but we "shotgunned" eachother hits of weed, and I really wanted more. Like tingles and weak knees, the throbbing: the works.

How is it that I am totally aware of what a cocky, arrogant, self-absorbed jerk he is, yet I want to hump the shit out of him?

 

The married ones aren't worth it BeckyLee. Take it from someone that's been there. If you've a propensity to attract assholes, there really are worse things in the world than being single.

Only you can decide whether or not to stay with the addict bf. But don't be afraid to be single for awhile. It beats being with someone whose vices are that bad.

I've historically had a thing for the cocky, arrogant types too, and didn't really know what to do when I met a variant of that that was not quite as overt as the married guy sounds. It wound up fizzling out for unrelated reasons.

I think you're the kind of woman that deserves to be better than "second best".

 

Thanks Mariposa. I'm going out of town this weekend, so hopefully that'll give me some time to chill my thoughts and my hormones. I have never been in this situation before (been tempted to be with a married guy)!

 

I totally agree with Mariposa Becky-
Hopefully the get-a-way will cool you down, as you said, and when you return you can move on with your life- in which ever direction you choose.
It sounds like you might be so unhappy in your current relationship and someone else who is really attractive (even though an arrogant prick) hitting on you is no doubt tempting. But I think this is a sign of something greater than just attraction- If I were you I'd keep away from the jerk and take a major look at whether or not the bf should stay in the picture. IT sounds like a pretty bad situation......I hope whatever you choose, you will be happy. You are a wonderful person and deserve all the love and happiness life can give!

 

If I might say, you’re not evil and everyone I feel deserves to be happy, take care.

 

My married guy was legally separated and living apart from his wife, for whatever that's worth. She cheated on him first (repeatedly) as well. She wrecked her own home. But looking back on the stress it caused me - and the fact that I should have held out for him to get a divorce before becoming involved - I realize that I was being young and stupid. I eventually moved 3500 mi. away to "geographically cure" myself of him. PM me if you want the whole story.

Agreed with Ocean that you should firm up your decision to stay or go from your current relationship before you even consider taking it further with the married guy. I can assure you that there's nothing worse than being thought of as "the other woman". You will lose respect for yourself in the process, and you'll know it the first moment he has to step out of the room to talk to his wife.

 

Thanks guys for the encouraging words! I'm gonna update with a new post...