So my mother's friend Karen offered to drive me to the cemetery where my mother is buried to visit my mom's grave for the first time since the funeral. It's been 5 years and 5 months since I've been there, but who's counting? But as with everything Karen does, it comes with many strings attached. And of course I have to kiss her ass and thank her profusely for going out of her way to help stupid, undeserving me. 2 years ago, during Christmas time, her neighbors bought my brother and I a whole crap ton of Christmas gifts. Karen and her husband drove down here to bring them because there were way too many to mail and then took me and my brother out to lunch. At Nathan's. Big whoop, thanks for the hot dogs. 8)
The wife of her neighbor who sent the gifts is blind, so I thought it would be nice to get her a thank you card printed in Braille. I found a card online that came in Braille, it took maybe 5 minutes. But Karen was ranting and raving about how hard I must have looked to find the Braille card and how I went out of my way to thank them and she just couldn't believe it. To be honest, I think Karen wanted a card written in Sky-Writing or some shit. Fucking self absorbed cunt. (These people were so nice, they got me and my brother so much stuff for Christmas, it was a beautiful gesture and I was genuinely touched. I had to get them a Thank You card at the very least!)
I've never received a present from Karen in the years since my mom died except for that same year. Karen is not one to be shown up -- she got me some re-gifted and semi used peppermint lotions and her daughter (who is my age and was my "best friend" for a few years because of proximity) got me a screening copy of some National Geographic DVD which she obviously didn't buy/couldn't buy and was also a re-gift. Now, I don't care about dollar values or even if she gets me a gift or not. I couldn't care less, to be honest. I don't even care if it's a regift because why hang onto something if you're not using it? As they say, it's the thought that counts, right? Well, obviously I'm an afterthought. It was insulting, to say the least, to get this crap from Karen and her daughter because they had to save face and get us something because their neighbors got us gifts. I'd rather she didn't get me anything. What was the fucking point of grabbing something out of your closet and wrapping it up to give to me? That's just the type of person she is... horrible, horrible. It seems like it hurts her to do something for someone else. She's also an alcoholic with 2 DUIs who got drunk, called my cell phone and left horrible voice mails saying I killed my mother and they were going to get me and "Red Rum, Red Rum" ... right. 8)
So with all of that backstory out of the way...
She asked if I wanted to go to the cemetery with her by posting on my wall on Facebook. She said something like, "Do you want to come with me to visit my best friend since the weather is getting nicer?" ... She didn't say, do you want to visit your mother, she said do I want to visit her best friend. As if my mother's friendship with her is a more important relationship than her being my mother. Oh, wait, I forgot, it is, because it's Karen's world and Karen's pain and Karen is just a fucking saint, isn't she, because she's taking this pathetic girl who doesn't know how to drive all the way to Staten fucking Island. Ugh, and whenever she messages me on Facebook she always spells my name wrong. It's written right fucking there but you're so oblivious that you misspell my name every single time. It's so disrespectful and irksome. This woman is twice my age and then some. My mom was always kind to Karen's bratty, stupid children (who aren't children anymore, the youngest one just started college this year, the other two are high school dropouts). If the situation was reversed and Karen died and my mom was still alive, those assholes would have had my mom's support all the way. They didn't even come to my mom's funeral.
It's just so infuriating because I don't drive and I live so far away from the cemetery and I feel like a useless bitch because I have to depend on other people. I hate having to depend on other people. Especially such shitty people like Karen. I'm going to learn how to drive as soon as I possibly can because it's about time I learn how to drive, even though I live in NYC, it's good to at least know how to drive in case you need to get somewhere that the trains or buses don't go. I could get a ZipCar membership and life would just be so much less stressful.
Karen has visited the cemetery at least 3 different times that I know of and not once asked me to go with her. She offered to take me whenever I felt like going and I finally took her up on her offer back in October (a month before the 5 year anniversary of my mom's death, so she'd have advance notice) but of course Karen said no, because Karen would be too sad. Poor Karen. God forbid she gets sad visiting a grave. So I said fuck it and decided to not ask her again. Then, last week, nearly 6 months later, she asks if I want to go to the cemetery. But she'll only go if it isn't raining and if the weather is nice. I had to explain to her that it's a Jewish cemetery and Fridays weren't good because it closes early for shabbos. And the cemetery will be closed the week of Passover. So we should go soon. Supposedly we're going on Monday, but I won't hold my breath because I may very well turn blue waiting for her. I hate her fucking guts, to be honest and I probably shouldn't even go but I want to see my mom's grave. I miss her so much and I finally feel ready to try and get some peace and closure because I didn't get that when she first died. The nurses were cleaning my mom's body up in order for me to see it and say goodbye but I just left the hospital. But honestly I don't regret it that much because that human shell wasn't my mom. My mom was already somewhere else when her soul left her body or whatever happens when we die.
So yeah. Now that I got that off my chest. I was giving my Dachshund a bath and I was snipping her nails and I accidentally cut it too far so she was bleeding quite a bit. I wrapped her paw 3 different times and all of those times she chewed off the bandage and started bleeding again. So finally I got her e-Collar from when she was spayed, slapped that on her and then wrapped her paw. It's all good now, the bleeding has stopped and she can't she on it because of the e-Collar...
I'm just getting higher and higher but I don't feel euphoria... I am just running away from my problems because I don't want to deal with them... I keep nodding in and out of consciousness so... I'll fucking write more later I guess.
The wife of her neighbor who sent the gifts is blind, so I thought it would be nice to get her a thank you card printed in Braille. I found a card online that came in Braille, it took maybe 5 minutes. But Karen was ranting and raving about how hard I must have looked to find the Braille card and how I went out of my way to thank them and she just couldn't believe it. To be honest, I think Karen wanted a card written in Sky-Writing or some shit. Fucking self absorbed cunt. (These people were so nice, they got me and my brother so much stuff for Christmas, it was a beautiful gesture and I was genuinely touched. I had to get them a Thank You card at the very least!)
I've never received a present from Karen in the years since my mom died except for that same year. Karen is not one to be shown up -- she got me some re-gifted and semi used peppermint lotions and her daughter (who is my age and was my "best friend" for a few years because of proximity) got me a screening copy of some National Geographic DVD which she obviously didn't buy/couldn't buy and was also a re-gift. Now, I don't care about dollar values or even if she gets me a gift or not. I couldn't care less, to be honest. I don't even care if it's a regift because why hang onto something if you're not using it? As they say, it's the thought that counts, right? Well, obviously I'm an afterthought. It was insulting, to say the least, to get this crap from Karen and her daughter because they had to save face and get us something because their neighbors got us gifts. I'd rather she didn't get me anything. What was the fucking point of grabbing something out of your closet and wrapping it up to give to me? That's just the type of person she is... horrible, horrible. It seems like it hurts her to do something for someone else. She's also an alcoholic with 2 DUIs who got drunk, called my cell phone and left horrible voice mails saying I killed my mother and they were going to get me and "Red Rum, Red Rum" ... right. 8)
So with all of that backstory out of the way...
She asked if I wanted to go to the cemetery with her by posting on my wall on Facebook. She said something like, "Do you want to come with me to visit my best friend since the weather is getting nicer?" ... She didn't say, do you want to visit your mother, she said do I want to visit her best friend. As if my mother's friendship with her is a more important relationship than her being my mother. Oh, wait, I forgot, it is, because it's Karen's world and Karen's pain and Karen is just a fucking saint, isn't she, because she's taking this pathetic girl who doesn't know how to drive all the way to Staten fucking Island. Ugh, and whenever she messages me on Facebook she always spells my name wrong. It's written right fucking there but you're so oblivious that you misspell my name every single time. It's so disrespectful and irksome. This woman is twice my age and then some. My mom was always kind to Karen's bratty, stupid children (who aren't children anymore, the youngest one just started college this year, the other two are high school dropouts). If the situation was reversed and Karen died and my mom was still alive, those assholes would have had my mom's support all the way. They didn't even come to my mom's funeral.
It's just so infuriating because I don't drive and I live so far away from the cemetery and I feel like a useless bitch because I have to depend on other people. I hate having to depend on other people. Especially such shitty people like Karen. I'm going to learn how to drive as soon as I possibly can because it's about time I learn how to drive, even though I live in NYC, it's good to at least know how to drive in case you need to get somewhere that the trains or buses don't go. I could get a ZipCar membership and life would just be so much less stressful.
Karen has visited the cemetery at least 3 different times that I know of and not once asked me to go with her. She offered to take me whenever I felt like going and I finally took her up on her offer back in October (a month before the 5 year anniversary of my mom's death, so she'd have advance notice) but of course Karen said no, because Karen would be too sad. Poor Karen. God forbid she gets sad visiting a grave. So I said fuck it and decided to not ask her again. Then, last week, nearly 6 months later, she asks if I want to go to the cemetery. But she'll only go if it isn't raining and if the weather is nice. I had to explain to her that it's a Jewish cemetery and Fridays weren't good because it closes early for shabbos. And the cemetery will be closed the week of Passover. So we should go soon. Supposedly we're going on Monday, but I won't hold my breath because I may very well turn blue waiting for her. I hate her fucking guts, to be honest and I probably shouldn't even go but I want to see my mom's grave. I miss her so much and I finally feel ready to try and get some peace and closure because I didn't get that when she first died. The nurses were cleaning my mom's body up in order for me to see it and say goodbye but I just left the hospital. But honestly I don't regret it that much because that human shell wasn't my mom. My mom was already somewhere else when her soul left her body or whatever happens when we die.
So yeah. Now that I got that off my chest. I was giving my Dachshund a bath and I was snipping her nails and I accidentally cut it too far so she was bleeding quite a bit. I wrapped her paw 3 different times and all of those times she chewed off the bandage and started bleeding again. So finally I got her e-Collar from when she was spayed, slapped that on her and then wrapped her paw. It's all good now, the bleeding has stopped and she can't she on it because of the e-Collar...
I'm just getting higher and higher but I don't feel euphoria... I am just running away from my problems because I don't want to deal with them... I keep nodding in and out of consciousness so... I'll fucking write more later I guess.