I am completely losing interest in life

[washingtonbound]

Over the last ten years, I've had a pretty disgusting existence and can barely look at myself in the mirror. I've been in the psych ward about 30 times for psychosis since my first break at 19, now at 29 I'm unemployed and back living at my mom's place. But it's not just the psychosis that's destroyed my life. I also hate life from a philosophical standpoint that's independent of my circumstance. The whole system we are brought into is a fucking joke. I hate the bullshit concept of money and making a living, I just resent existing in this system in general. Over the last five years I've traveled a lot, which I should feel grateful for, but most of what I've felt was a since of disgust of the excess poverty/inequality everywhere I've been. In Medellin for instance, you have pieces of shit gentrifying the whole city, while a sizeable population lives in houses made out of plastic. No exaggeration. Leave the tourist area in that cesspool and that is what you see. An enormous garbage dump near a river that should be blue but has turned mud brown due to waste, with plastic houses alongside it. Depressing and sickening to see, especially considering that here in the US you have companies paying thousands of dollars to advertise prescription drugs, injury attorneys, etc, and even the worst off here have it a lot better than most of the world.

I don't mean to rant but I have just had enough. Money can eat shit, the bankers and politicians can eat shit as well. As I get older, I find that most people are pretty selfish, worthless creatures, who would sell out of their own family for the right price. Everything is about money even if not everyone wants to admit it. There is no reason whatsoever that people should be living the nightmare they do, while most people I come across in the US are unbelievably ungrateful. Walk into a walmart and most people look like they've just crawled out of the sewer. Repulsive. Anyway, I'm just done. Done with this country, done with my own shitty health, done with this trash life. Don't know what I aim to accomplish with this but needed to vent.

 

[Electrum1]

I also hate life from a philosophical standpoint that's independent of my circumstance. The whole system we are brought into is a fucking joke. I hate the bullshit concept of money and making a living, I just resent existing in this system in general

Well ditch that attitude for now, and do what's best for you. Focus on yourself and get your life into a better position, and then once you're in a better place you can then focus on the social issues you care about and maybe making a difference. Build something for yourself, then focus on others if that's what you care about. Don't see yourself as a victim

 

[jasperkent]

Yeah, I hear ya. I figured out a long time ago that Life is just one big very sick joke. But I try to make it a good joke.

A human lifetime is only the blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things. Try to make the best of it-- it will be over with soon.

Nikki Glaser presents a good take on it in her recent special Someday You'll Die. Check it out.

 

[Smuck_Hey_Dee_Hewitt]

Over the last ten years, I've had a pretty disgusting existence and can barely look at myself in the mirror. I've been in the psych ward about 30 times for psychosis since my first break at 19, now at 29 I'm unemployed and back living at my mom's place. But it's not just the psychosis that's destroyed my life. I also hate life from a philosophical standpoint that's independent of my circumstance. The whole system we are brought into is a fucking joke. I hate the bullshit concept of money and making a living, I just resent existing in this system in general. Over the last five years I've traveled a lot, which I should feel grateful for, but most of what I've felt was a since of disgust of the excess poverty/inequality everywhere I've been. In Medellin for instance, you have pieces of shit gentrifying the whole city, while a sizeable population lives in houses made out of plastic. No exaggeration. Leave the tourist area in that cesspool and that is what you see. An enormous garbage dump near a river that should be blue but has turned mud brown due to waste, with plastic houses alongside it. Depressing and sickening to see, especially considering that here in the US you have companies paying thousands of dollars to advertise prescription drugs, injury attorneys, etc, and even the worst off here have it a lot better than most of the world.

I don't mean to rant but I have just had enough. Money can eat shit, the bankers and politicians can eat shit as well. As I get older, I find that most people are pretty selfish, worthless creatures, who would sell out of their own family for the right price. Everything is about money even if not everyone wants to admit it. There is no reason whatsoever that people should be living the nightmare they do, while most people I come across in the US are unbelievably ungrateful. Walk into a walmart and most people look like they've just crawled out of the sewer. Repulsive. Anyway, I'm just done. Done with this country, done with my own shitty health, done with this trash life. Don't know what I aim to accomplish with this but needed to vent.

This is all just transitory and circumstantial ...keep that in mind and do what you know you must do -and once you do it , come back here and read the post outloud .You won´t even recognize who typed it.
Might sound patronizing but been (t)here before and this is more a monologue than a "reply " tbph.

 

[washingtonbound]

Well ditch that attitude for now, and do what's best for you. Focus on yourself and get your life into a better position, and then once you're in a better place you can then focus on the social issues you care about and maybe making a difference. Build something for yourself, then focus on others if that's what you care about. Don't see yourself as a victim

I seem to have a major “victim stance” problem that hasn’t improved since adolescence hardly. But the biggest issue is that I just hate life in general, or at least the system I’m expected to participate in. It’s not even really about my ego at this point, I’m just sick of being around

 

[wirkdy]

so much in line with my thoughts, I don't know but I believe when one "awakens" and understands the fucking violent "clownery" these "modern" human societies are, then he/she has awoken and can hardly fit in this cesspool, the "modern" societies are a scam to every human yet humans embrace this scam and adore it, fucking disgusting.
Humans are biological self-reproductive machines programmed to serve the capital and its possessors, fucking disgusting, and humans keep dumping newborns on this scary hell-hole to keep on living a scary hellish life, work and work to make the capital owners richer and in return gain little dirty currency to pay for miserable stuff. A fucking miserable life.

The other day I was at a supermarket and was observing all the shit on sale which for 99% is just useless shit not needed for survival and I wondering: "when will people realize the huge scary scam they have been dumped into?" The answer is never, very probably never, unless humans return to a life and society in line with nature (like the native americans did and many others too) they are doomed, will be kept slaves untill the next big reset, which natural or human created will definitely happen.

 

[washingtonbound]

so much in line with my thoughts, I don't know but I believe when one "awakens" and understands the fucking violent "clownery" these "modern" human societies are, then he/she has awoken and can hardly fit in this cesspool, the "modern" societies are a scam to every human yet humans embrace this scam and adore it, fucking disgusting.
Humans are biological self-reproductive machines programmed to serve the capital and its possessors, fucking disgusting, and humans keep dumping newborns on this scary hell-hole to keep on living a scary hellish life, work and work to make the capital owners richer and in return gain little dirty currency to pay for miserable stuff. A fucking miserable life.

The other day I was at a supermarket and was observing all the shit on sale which for 99% is just useless shit not needed for survival and I wondering: "when will people realize the huge scary scam they have been dumped into?" The answer is never, very probably never, unless humans return to a life and society in line with nature (like the native americans did and many others too) they are doomed, will be kept slaves untill the next big reset, which natural or human created will definitely happen.

I could have written this myself. A major problem I deal with is the disgust I feel by the groupthink concept in general. Most people genuinely are easy to manipulate and will go along with whatever bullshit they are sold, and seem to be proud of it. Sometimes I wonder if certain people have any capacity for free thought whatsoever.

One example is the garbage Covid vaccine that almost everyone took without hesitation. Here in the US it’s 82% I think who’ve had one dose of it. That’s not as bad as some places, but still. Fucking morons putting that shit into their body because they are neurotic and the government tells them to do so, really sickening.

Anyway, when I was in high school I genuinely hated pretty much everybody, went to therapy for it and tried to get out there some and adjust my perspective when I went to college. Now I’m almost 30 and my beliefs are basically the same. Every once in a while I run into someone that might have some insight, and appreciate conversing with them, but generally speaking I hate society as much as I did in high school.

Ignorant people are everywhere and they allow for this nightmare to exist, in which everyone is harvested essentially.

 

[kris66]

Be the change. It starts with us.

I spent some time in Indonesia as a teenager. I remember asking someone why the people living in shacks seemed so happy. At the time I was genuinely curious.The children were laughing and playing and the villages would have frequent festivals going late into the night, with singing and music that we could hear from where we were staying.

The person I was with told me that happiness in a society is not based on how developed the society is. A society needs the basics; such as food, shelter, and safety, but when more is added the overall happiness actually decreases. I always thought about that and wondered if it was true.

Try to remember the people you are seeing may be having a lot of problems in their life right now, regardless of economic status, and try not to focus only on the negative.

"There is still some good in this world Mr Frodo. And it's worth fighting for."
The Fellowship of the Ring

 

[chippermonk]

The world, indeed, has a lot of horrible aspects to it. But here we are, living it. Tossed into it as babies unknowing, sink or swim. And here you are, still living, so by definition still trying, still making an effort to make sense of it.
God only knows I get depressed often enough, but I think the trick is to focus on the good and beautiful things that exist and tune out the bad things that you can't control. I do think it is important to make the world a better place when we can, but sometimes it overwhelms us to try, and we have to cope with it as best we can.
For me, it's getting out for a hike in the woods away from people that makes me happy. Or maybe listening to some really good music. Cooking and eating a nice simple meal. My cup of coffee in the morning. It's not perfect but it's better than dwelling on the bad things all the time. Ask yourself, what are the things that you do like?
Good luck!

 

[jasperkent]

One thing that helps me is having gratitude for the simple things.

This morning I woke up in a comfortable bed with a roof over my head. My dog was beside me (see avatar). I had a cup of coffee and a good breakfast. I rode my e-bike to a job that I chose, working with people that I like. I'm in the sixth decade of a relatively healthy life. I am not in any immediate danger.

For most of human history, the vast majority of people didn't have any* of those things, and I am fortunate to have them even today.

* By 30,000 years ago they  did have dogs. But they didn't have dogs living 15yrs parasite-free and at no risk of contracting rabies.

 

[Asclepius]

I could have written this myself. A major problem I deal with is the disgust I feel by the groupthink concept in general. Most people genuinely are easy to manipulate and will go along with whatever bullshit they are sold, and seem to be proud of it. Sometimes I wonder if certain people have any capacity for free thought whatsoever.

One example is the garbage Covid vaccine that almost everyone took without hesitation. Here in the US it’s 82% I think who’ve had one dose of it. That’s not as bad as some places, but still. Fucking morons putting that shit into their body because they are neurotic and the government tells them to do so, really sickening.

Anyway, when I was in high school I genuinely hated pretty much everybody, went to therapy for it and tried to get out there some and adjust my perspective when I went to college. Now I’m almost 30 and my beliefs are basically the same. Every once in a while I run into someone that might have some insight, and appreciate conversing with them, but generally speaking I hate society as much as I did in high school.

Ignorant people are everywhere and they allow for this nightmare to exist, in which everyone is harvested essentially.

Dude, you are not in any way alone in your thinking.

However, don't fall into the trap of conflating all societal dysfunction with yourself or, - either fitting- in to it or, not fitting into it.


Please do not make the mistake of integrating your perspective of yourself with current social, commercial bs/trends/politics - know we are a part of it (but only by existing - not a reason to take on, the destructive energy of industry/political systems that feed themselves, exclusively with abundance - breadcrumbs in ever decreasing, amounts to the rest of society) but it doesn't represent anything but the bullshit of itself & all that it churns out.
The vast majority of us who feel the same as you, harbour the grief of conscience of the few ,who, create the dysfunction. Don't let the fuckers get you down. Live your best. Do your best. As much as your will & common sense enables.

Don't you ever cave-in, to the weight of that bs. It's a lie.

 

[kongoman]

For most of human history, the vast majority of people didn't have any* of those things, and I am fortunate to have them even today.

Im sorry but "things" dont make you happy. For most of human history only nature was the only important thing. I'm sure that humanity was more happy before when they didnt posses, when they just were part of mother nature, just human beings.

 

[jasperkent]

Im sorry but "things" dont make you happy.

I'm sorry, but not having to worry about my next meal does make me happy. So does a bed and a roof over my head. Having friends and co-workers whom I love and respect also contributes to my happiness.
And my best friend, my beloved dog, does indeed make me very happy!

 

[kongoman]

I'm sorry, but not having to worry about my next meal does make me happy. So does a bed and a roof over my head. Having friends and co-workers whom I love and respect also contributes to my happiness.
And my best friend, my beloved dog, does indeed make me very happy!

Im sorry I didnt express well. I think our ancestors were by far more happy. What about if you loose your job? This is a reason of stress on lots if people. Iur ancestors knew how to have his meal too but they have no fear to lose their job, basically because they didnt have it. Its probably more rewarding to kill an animal or collect fruits than go ti supermarket and buy food. They probably had other fears but I think id prefer to survive than be a kind of a work slave. Most of people think money makes them happy but money makes you more slave. I dont know if you understand what Im trying to say.

 

[jasperkent]

Im sorry I didnt express well. I think our ancestors were by far more happy. What about if you loose your job? This is a reason of stress on lots if people. Iur ancestors knew how to have his meal too but they have no fear to lose their job, basically because they didnt have it. Its probably more rewarding to kill an animal or collect fruits than go ti supermarket and buy food. They probably had other fears but I think id prefer to survive than be a kind of a work slave. Most of people think money makes them happy but money makes you more slave. I dont know if you understand what Im trying to say.

I'm living just barely above the poverty level, so I can assure you that money is not my source of happiness. My bike is by far the most expensive thing I own.

I adore Nature. That, too, is a major source of happiness for me. But I have no desire to live like prehistoric humans. For one thing, I'd have died about 30 years ago-- if I was lucky. In those days, mere survival was a constant struggle. I don't think it was the paradise you are imagining.

 

[wirkdy]

I could have written this myself. A major problem I deal with is the disgust I feel by the groupthink concept in general. Most people genuinely are easy to manipulate and will go along with whatever bullshit they are sold, and seem to be proud of it. Sometimes I wonder if certain people have any capacity for free thought whatsoever.

One example is the garbage Covid vaccine that almost everyone took without hesitation. Here in the US it’s 82% I think who’ve had one dose of it. That’s not as bad as some places, but still. Fucking morons putting that shit into their body because they are neurotic and the government tells them to do so, really sickening.

Anyway, when I was in high school I genuinely hated pretty much everybody, went to therapy for it and tried to get out there some and adjust my perspective when I went to college. Now I’m almost 30 and my beliefs are basically the same. Every once in a while I run into someone that might have some insight, and appreciate conversing with them, but generally speaking I hate society as much as I did in high school.

Ignorant people are everywhere and they allow for this nightmare to exist, in which everyone is harvested essentially.

for the most of humans they ain't bad or good, they are programmable, if you teach them from their early years that, for example, killing babies and raping whoever is good then that's what they'll do and they won't ever doubt that's bad, if you teach them from birth to sacrifice their newborns to whatever fucking god then they will do it.
Humans are just empty meat containers that can serve whoever and whatever their masters teach them to, that's how they were probably designed for, only the most intelligent really understand and feel what good and bad is, they are very very few though and they get killed like, just an example, jesus was or anybody who tried to open the eyes of the masses or go against the capital owners, did they accomplish anything? hardly so, in reality and for me who am a realist they just got killed trying to let shitheads understand what they don't want to understand, 99% of the people just prefer 5 bucks than think about an important subject.
It's inevitable that "awoken" people become misanthropes, just don't waste energy or your life trying to save humans, look at, for example, che guevara, he just got wacked trying to liberate the poor bolivian peasants, well they fucked him for few pesos. Humans will follow their path and "develop" in mass and change, if it will ever happen, will happen extremely slowly and just to suit the masses' belly, it won't be thanks to one or more revolutionaries.

 

[kongoman]

⁷I'm living just barely above the poverty level, so I can assure you that money is not my source of happiness. My bike is by far the most expensive thing I own.

I adore Nature. That, too, is a major source of happiness for me. But I have no desire to live like prehistoric humans. For one thing, I'd have died about 30 years ago-- if I was lucky. In those days, mere survival was a constant struggle. I don't think it was the paradise you are imagining.

Im not saying it was a paradise lol. But humans were in peace with nature so with theirselves( thats what I think). We cant say this of todays humanity. Good night!! Have a good rest!!
Love!

 

[jasperkent]

But humans were in peace with nature so with theirselves( thats what I think)....

Sure, when times were good they were at peace. But imagine coming back from your 2-week unsuccessful hunt to find that your children had been devoured by lions.

 

[DrZaius1]

I’ve lost all interest in life from thinking about this stuff, I can’t believe I lived for almost three decades without realizing how pointless life is until I got lobotomized by Antipsychotics.

 

[skipjames]

Over the last five years I've traveled a lot, which I should feel grateful for, but most of what I've felt was a since of disgust of the excess poverty/inequality everywhere I've been. In Medellin for instance, you have pieces of shit gentrifying the whole city, while a sizeable population lives in houses made out of plastic

Come down here and help us out ( I live in Brazil so is pretty much the same shit). Or try to make money in a way tht also fulfills you and is helpful to others. Don t focus only on the inequalities, but on the smiles and the beauty and humanity I m sure you ve seen when you were around here.
Also, as has already being said

However, don't fall into the trap of conflating all societal dysfunction with yourself or, - either fitting- in to it or, not fitting into it.