I am a HOT MESS Quitting Cold turkey! Needing Support

[chompy]

I cannot source but a major online retailer that begins with A can help you.

 

[herbavore]

^teehee.

Saint, I have ADD (not ADHD) and I am a huge proponent of living with my wild brain unmedicated. Yes, I lose things. A LOT. Also, forget to show up at things, show up on the wrong day or show up to something that is not even happening (my favorite). I also have about 5 things going at once. Lots does not get done but lots does get done. Making lists and double checking and slowing down are all really tedious for me but they are an essential part of dealing with my particular brain. Everybody has adaptations they need to make for their cognitive uniqueness. I am married to someone with mild OCD. He also has ADD. In his case the OCD (need for strict routines) mitigates the ADD (no routines allowed!). Best way to address your ADD is to make your life work fit your brain. Varied tasks, creativity required, freedom to move about, even a varied schedule if possible.

 

[SaintCecelia]

Hi Herbavore, you know I once worked with an ADHD coach and was successful. I’ve never been one to take meds for anything, always been a pit bull until now. HAHA just look at me now right! Over these last two years I’ve given up on myself took the meds. For some reason now the jokes people make when I’m hyper or do my “CC (nickname) thing” they sting more. Before all this I’d laugh along cause it is comical but it’s also frustrating at times and people do not see my pain. I don’t expect them to baby me but respect that it’s really hard for me sometimes. Last night while I was talking on the phone to the blue cross nurse I noticed I was interrupting, making jokes and it gave me anxiety. I apologized said I’m coming off my adhd meds and all over the place. She said no your humor is funny. But it’s also how I compensate at times. Still it made me frustrated.

 

[herbavore]

But look at all the good work you are doing right now! You are really diving into a deeper space within. It can feel so chaotic. But the rewards for going deep are always profound.

 

[SaintCecelia]

Yes! And it’s getting better! Today I had the team call and they are setting me up to go for inpatient PTSD treatment! I’ve never been hospitalized and had a chance to open it all up dig and be born again! I am scared really scared but hopeful! Thank you for your support it means so much to not be alone in this chaos ~This Crazy Beautiful!

 

[JudicatorPanzer]

Hey Saint, sorry to hear you suffer from PTSD I don't know what that's like but can only imagine. This is day 1 no kratom for me after a few months of heavy use. I have anxiety issues so my head is making me think things are going to be worse than they actually will be I'm sure as far as W/D goes. Your story makes me feel a bit better about going thru it cold turkey, so thank you. I'm glad to hear you're going to go to inpatient PTSD treatment I hope you come out stronger and better than ever!

 

[SaintCecelia]

Thank you for the much needed encouragement. Anxiety is a bitch and for me my untreated anxiety piled on top of the Kratom withdrawal. You can do it, just reach out no matter what reach out. IMO doesn’t matter how long or how much whatever you are feeling it is real and you deserve to reach out for help regardless. Do you have any comfort meds or a plan?

 

[JudicatorPanzer]

I have diazapam, gabapentin, trazadone and pot. I need to stay busy and keep my self out of my head. Going to do things like work out, play video games, and as you said talk to people and reach out.

 

[SaintCecelia]

Whatever works! I watched New Girl, SOA, and Shameless reruns after I got through the worst part. Thank God for my 18 year old and my dog Rio! My son would come in and watch YouTube Vines with me. I hugged my dog so tight at times I’m sure he was annoyed lol!

 

[JudicatorPanzer]

I have a cat who keeps me sane. I want a dog so bad can't have one where I live tho but ah well.

 

[SaintCecelia]

What is your Kitty’s name? Do you have a pic? What kind of dog do you want?

 

[JudicatorPanzer]

Dot is her name. I would like a large to mid size dog, maybe a pitty.

 

[herbavore]

Is Dot eating that parsley? She's a cutie.

Saint, how are things going?

 

[SaintCecelia]

Omg KITTY! Soooo cute! Your kitty looks EXACTLY like my daughters kitty Beetlejuice! Is Dot short for something? How are you feeling today? If you have time look up Cane Corsos. I’ve been researching them because my son wants a Cane. Also looks like you have a green thumb, I am jealous. Only thing I’ve managed to keep alive is an aloe plant lol.

 

[SaintCecelia]

Is Dot eating that parsley? She's a cutie.

Saint, how are things going?

Herbavore, Thank you for asking. I am 29 days today and feeling better. Digestive is still slow, last night tried eating a taco and my body struggled with it. Energy and motivation is low so I have to force myself to do things at times. BUT everyday does get better. I couldn’t have done all this without BL. So thankful.
I posted in mental health this morning. Started doing anger exercises in therapy and Im a lot of things lol. I know it will be ok and this is exactly where I am suppose to be right now. I have no words for this anger in me, it’s just beginning, it’s a lot.

How r u?

 

[herbavore]

I am majorly bummed out. I got my cast off yesterday and was told to wear the "boot". I envisioned something less than the cast but it must weigh 20 lbs and is wider and taller than my cast! My leg is so painful--still swollen and bruised not to mention these odd almost electrical pains that shoot through my ankle out of the blue. I can barely walk without the boot and wearing it is so uncomfortable I just want to lie in bed. It was depressing to hear the doctor say, "Well, healing does take longer in older people. You can probably expect 6 months to get back to normal activity." 6 months??!! I've already been down since the first week in February. Grrrrr. Maybe I need your anger exercises.

Congratulations on 29 days. I know how hard you fought for those days and that makes it all the sweeter.

 

[SaintCecelia]

OMG 6 months! I know you must be losing it! I think being pissed is a natural response to this! What happened to get you in the cast? Art supplies surround yourself in ART! Any medium you can find use it to CREATE!
Few years back I started training canines again dropped a huge kennel on my foot, nice fracture. Same foot I had broke in gymnastics. Had to wear that lovely big shoe while training. 2nd week into my big shoe, tripped on it down a flight of stairs(like 15 step stairs) and made it worse! Funny thing is I was drinking a red bull. Red Bull does not give you wings lol.

 

[herbavore]

OMG 6 months! I know you must be losing it! I think being pissed is a natural response to this! What happened to get you in the cast? Art supplies surround yourself in ART! Any medium you can find use it to CREATE!

I have a bunch of markers and I have been trying to do that. I've been a working artist all my life up until 7 years ago when my son died. Just hasn't come back. I retired from teaching art to kids last year and that was fun making messes, thinking up projects for us to do, making samples etc. I have a bunch of bird feeders in my front garden and I have been using the markers to make little illustrations in a book that was supposed to be a journal but as usual I don't ever write in it.8)

Funny thing is I was drinking a red bull. Red Bull does not give you wings lol.

Red Bull will not be contacting you for their next advertisement.

P.S. The cast was for a broken fibula. Plate, pins, the works. I think most of the pain now is coming from the torn ligament that did not get repaired but supposedly will heal on its own.