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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

I am a failure degenerate and I don't know what to do

Bare_head

Bare_head

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 7, 2005
Messages
3,051
Location
UK
Hey all you lovely people out there, so my condition is bad, I play poker and have won around 200k in a few years playing online tournaments, I suffer from aspergers and depression and through my own stupid self harming I would go hit online cash games in which I am a loser in, not many people will understand that poker has so many formats and you can excel in one but not in the other, yes they are both gambling I know this, but I've proven over 40k games I can win in these games , but over the years I've lost 150k at plo (a high variance poker variant) in September I lost 50k and ultimately broke myself for about the 4th time , I feel a failure and I am at rock bottom, I don't leave the house anymore because everyobe of my friends drink and I hate it, well its December now and I havnt won anything big over the last 2000 games, I'm in make up of around 5 grand and I'm losing the will :( I don't know if anyone can relate as u know gambling is portrayed as a bad habit and I admit it's worse than any drug I have been addicted too, do I end this all I feel I'm a burden to my family and don't think I'm gonna see Christmas, I've no weed which isn't helping but it's more a problem I've had for the last several months, I guess it's time to get out of make up and quit the game , I don't know why I'm writing this but I don't have anywhere to turn too, please someone tell me things will get better? I'm a lost cause :'(
 
Things will get better darlin, I promise you. It's not easy but with friends and family and honesty you'll find your way. I have a few Gambling friends. Sadly you win you lose but usually the house always wins. I know you don't want to hear that as it is very addictive.

Look, I don't convey myself very well in the form of text but if you really need to speak to someone send me a pm and I'll call you when you're free. I have lovely soft hands that hold others very well when they need it. Sometimes a chat can make everything seem better. Also, you can feel free to make fun of my accent. EVERYONE does! Take care hunnie and don't let a few bad days get you this far down. PLEASE! Things will get better love. xx
 
Your not a lost cause bro. Far from it. We all make mistakes in life and we just need to learn from them. It sounds like you have figured out that gambling is no good for you so the best advice i can give is to stop it and every time you are tempted think of what it has cost you so far. Dont go doing anything silly like hurting yourself. Life has a habit of turning itself around. Get yourself some nice weed and chill. Make sure you talk to some friends too. Good luck and remember things can and will get better
 
First stop putting yourself down unnecessarily! Are you in any treatment or support groups for either your aspergers syndrome, depression or your gambling addiction?

You know that your behavior pattern of feeling good and then sabotaging that (because you can) is part of the disease and that without seeking help or treatment your actions are understandable. Do you not have the ability to physically block these Plo games - sites or set a maximum bid or fund for when you have the urge to play (or is this out of your control once you start?)

Do you know what your triggers are for your self harming? Can you not address these when your thinking straight to minimize your exposure or set up a safety net so you can recognize when your starting etc.

Bear
 
I hope this doesn't sound patronising but you realise/accept you have a gambling addiction right? I don't mean to be facetious at all with that question it's just denial plays a pretty major part in addiction for many (most?) people who are struggling and it would help to understand where your head is at.

For what it's worth I'm a failure degenerate too and I am living a somewhat productive and fulfilling life at the moment :). Just to clarify your situation have you tried to stop gambling? Do you want to? I realise that second question is far deeper than it seems and there's a good chance the answer is yes and no at the same time, but I'm sure you have thought about the answer to it. I don't really understand the language you use but you're five grand down at the moment? If I'm understanding right then that's nothing, it can be easy to lose perspective. In the scheme of things five grand is nothing. If you walked away now then it probably wouldn't even affect your daily life even if it was borrowed money. If you don't want to or can't walk away from something that is causing you such pain then you have a problem much bigger than a few thousand pounds down the drain, but in that realisation lies the seed of recovery.

Expand on what is going on for you. :)
 
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That raises some good questions and is really thoughtful! IMO not patronising at all. Very caring if I may be so bold to say so.
 
Supp bro, i'll just give u straight - same as me. I was a pro poker for 6 year - prop player for betsafe, $5/10 limit 3 tables - i got 90% rb plus those day's 1.7 bb/p. I was on round $65 an hour, plus incentives - like 1ke tournys in latvia where i came 5th, pulled 6ke got interviewed decided to go on holiday, ended up in a thai jail over a pool game fight in bangkok - cards stopped due to fraud. Your right about the formats- l loved limit- 3 tables sh 100 hands pr hour - $47 a hand - mastered it an - man there's to much to talk about here - I had a complete ephinany where I realized i was in zero sum game and ultimatly wasting my life - so I did a Msc in sustainability and corporate social responsibility - but the Aussie $ was 1.58 then an I was making a fortune selling solar panels - my mates even made me a song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfWMksXeRQw&ab_channel=raysipeladygaga

Your not a failure, i have ADD, maybe, I get depressed then thing worse happens to better people - that is no comment on u - that is my way of attempting to stay sane. I have addiction problems can't really relate to people - more out of choice than neurological condition.

aMAZING THINGS ARE HAPPENING IN THIS WORLD RIGHT NOW - OLED TECHNOLOGY - 40% GROWTH IN ELECTRIC VEHICLES - POKKERS A ZERO SUM GAME MAN I DRANK BOLLINGER AN TOOK COKE AND LAUGHED AT THE IDIOTS WORKING. THEN I HIT CRISIS - MAD RUN OF -EV AND ENDED UP LOCKED IN A PSYCHE WARD- 40K OF STUDENT LOANS WASN'T HELPN ME THEN - FIND ABETTER THING AND BE BETTER AT IT

PREACE bRAH

*ALL ADVICE COMES FROM A FUCKING JUNKIE WHO CANT KEEP A WOMAN - IM NOT PERFECT BUT I HAVE A PLAN *SNIP *
 
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Just want to say thank you so much for these messages and will reply full to them all lovely and quite frankly caring responses,I have stopped gambling and I have been in a pretty bad place still, but its a new year and in glad the worst year of my life is over , sorry for not looking at this thread I was really scared of these responses but every single one was really nice and surprising in a good way,

All the best , bare head <3
 
Thanks mate, well I think I've come out of this quite well considering ive basically threw a nice bit of dollar away, managed to save 3k up so feeling slightly better now, just need to get back to the gym now and start looking after myself, have not used anything apart from weed In a while and miss ketamine alot, but it seems a bad thing for me, Damn when is this full laws come out to effect England's so dire rc market,
 
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