I accuse

[user name1]

its always me and them, never us.
fake empathy and "you're doing great!".
hypocrites hyenas feeding on pain and mockery.
fucking righteous sadists. i can see right through you mother fuckers.

"but there's a difference between addiction and dependence you know" she says proudly from high above.
"you didn't had your hip replaced, did you?" well no but i had my soul crushed and burned - did you?
i am the bad guy as the american movies say. i steal and lie. i fake but i'm not THAT fake.
i hate myself more than i hate you. infact i dont hate you but i don't pity you.
after all its my pity party and i'll cry if i want to.

 

[herbavore]

its always me and them, never us.
fake empathy and "you're doing great!".
hypocrites hyenas feeding on pain and mockery.
fucking righteous sadists. i can see right through you mother fuckers.

"but there's a difference between addiction and dependence you know" she says proudly from high above.
"you didn't had your hip replaced, did you?" well no but i had my soul crushed and burned - did you?
i am the bad guy as the american movies say. i steal and lie. i fake but i'm not THAT fake.
i hate myself more than i hate you. infact i dont hate you but i don't pity you.
after all its my pity party and i'll cry if i want to.

Hey, user name1, I know there is so much shame that gets heaped on drug users, especially those with addiction, from outside, from people who are ignorant or lucky or prejudiced or all three; but don't let yourself be drawn into the self-hatred nor the hatred of those that may not understand. Take care of you, believe in your power to make your own way, no matter how messy, no matter how jagged your path may be. Come on over and make a post in the Dark Side. It's a very caring community of people that want to support each other.

 

[user name1]

Hi herbavore, thanks for replying.

I guess you're right but it's so hard mate. like its not enough that my life is so caotic and I'm
emotionally unstable , I can't get any professional help with my addiction to sub and crack if I won't agree to take Lithum and go to NA cult meetings which both are really not for me at all. I need to go through the process alone and I'm failing time after time. I'm trying but the loneliness and the frustration are too much for me to handle not to mention money problems and living with my crazy old mother.. idk what to do, how to deal with this "life". My only friends are my pc, crushed Subutex lines and a loaded crack pipe :/.. I guess it's helpful writing this down as I feel a bit relived so please bear with me and my sobbing and tear-jerking posts.. I wish the best to all my fellow BLers and ment no offense to none except the evil pdocs that drove me straight from they're office, crying, to my dealer repeatedly.

Peace,
Jona

 

[swilow]

its always me and them, never us.
fake empathy and "you're doing great!".
hypocrites hyenas feeding on pain and mockery.
fucking righteous sadists. i can see right through you mother fuckers.

"but there's a difference between addiction and dependence you know" she says proudly from high above.
"you didn't had your hip replaced, did you?" well no but i had my soul crushed and burned - did you?
i am the bad guy as the american movies say. i steal and lie. i fake but i'm not THAT fake.
i hate myself more than i hate you. infact i dont hate you but i don't pity you.
after all its my pity party and i'll cry if i want to.

That was raw and powerful, mate. Thanks for sharing.

I hope you can find your way through this