I accidentally drank like an alcoholic for 8 years (do you know someone like this?)

[psood0nym]

According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, men may be at risk for alcohol-related problems if their alcohol consumption exceeds 14 standard drinks per week or 4 drinks per day, and women may be at risk if they have more than 7 standard drinks per week or 3 drinks per day. A standard drink is defined as one 12-ounce bottle of beer, one 5-ounce glass of wine, or 1.5 ounces of distilled spirits.

I’m sure most of you did have a fairly good idea of how much alcohol is too much before reading this quote and will find my 8 year oversight and drinking quantities very absent minded. I certainly do too in hindsight, especially since I’ve researched every other of the dozens of different drugs I’ve used before and have never used any chronically or problematically. I’m not sure how many people out there share my physiology, past living circumstances, and penchant for alcohol, but they explain how this happened and could still be happening to others – in some related way or another—so I feel I should tell the story.

I drank like an alcoholic for about 8 years * with none of the signs or symptoms of alcoholism while my health very slowly deteriorated in ways that evaded easy diagnosis. Unlike with every other drug, I relied solely on social cues to gauge my usage. I thought I was a “moderate” drinker because while drinking with others I rarely acted drunk, and figured my friends – who also drank nightly, who had drunk similar quantities as me, and who were indeed acting very drunk – were using drinking as an excuse to act out emotionally or gratuitously flirt.

I became known in my drinking circles as the one who never lost control. I didn’t realize that I had adjusted psychologically and metabolically to alcohol in an unusually efficient way that left me much less uninhibited emotionally and cognitively than drinkers around me while still enjoying the pleasant feelings and loose motor control ethanol brings. I had always reacted as expected in response to common doses from all other classes of drug, and so, assuming I was “normal,” I figured off-hand that alcoholics must drink FAR more than me. But I was wrong. I was drinking the same quantities as alcoholics while assuming I was just having a “few drinks “to help me sleep … for about 8 years, paying no mind because it wasn’t clear I should.

As an only child who had always enjoyed his relative solitude I made sure to always have my own place to live in as an adult, so nobody was there to see how much I was drinking or to tell me it was a lot. I graduated summa cum laude from undergrad and maintained a 3.85 GPA during my masters all while weightlifting 2 to 4 days per week and keeping within my ideal weight range. I say this to underscore just how much everything about my behavior and ostensible health was consistent with my interpretation of myself as a semi-healthy poly drug recreationist /”moderate” drinker– everything, that is, except the actual quantity I drank. Unlike with other less socially accepted drugs, I simply never thought to independently look up the mL/kg dosages of alcohol, and the fact that so many friends drank made it easy not to examine myself critically.

The first girlfriend I moved in with, and still live with now almost two years on, was the first person to tell me that I drank a lot. But because she’s a short nice bookish woman who only occasionally drinks, her few casual comments were easy to dismiss as the skewed judgments of a lightweight. She had little reason to nag me about it after that, either. I didn’t get hangovers, I didn’t drive drunk, I never went broke, and I never did anything I or anybody else seriously regretted because I was drinking. Honestly!

I only cut back drastically on drinking recently because of circumstantial reasons. I’m between jobs, and because of this it doesn’t matter if I can’t get to sleep , so I don’t need booze for that, and at the same time it’s clear I shouldn’t be spending money on it. And so after 8 years it was plain lucky happenstance that resulted in me cutting down by about 90 percent. The only hurtle was getting to sleep, which of course is why I drank from the start. The first night that I said to myself “From here on I’ll drink 1.5 oz a night and no more for at least a month,” I didn’t sleep at all. It took about 40 hours to fall asleep. That was my strongest acute physiological and psychological reaction to cutting back. Since then sleep has become steadily easier.

It’s been very strange to find out I was drinking like an alcoholic this whole time and quit without going through any of the personal or social difficulties that popular culture makes me think I should expect to go through. Of course stories like mine are not often noticed because it’s not that hard for someone who’s honestly drinking just because drinking is pleasant for late evenings and convenient for sleeping to cut back drastically. People like us don’t need any inspiration or support to cut back so I found myself asking “Why would any of us say anything?”

As mentioned earlier I’m saying something because I was simply ignorant about my drinking and can imagine others might be, too. That, and because despite the fact that my drinking didn’t induce the common symptoms of alcoholic-level use, it did have significant consequences, they just weren’t clearly connected to drinking.

A couple years ago I went to see a college doctor about a cough I’ve had on and off for about 4 years, which only in this last year had developed into a chronic condition and quality of life issue. I was told that the cough might owe to stomach acid and digestive enzymes refluxing into my upper airway and causing irritation, but the anti-acids had done little to change the condition and I rarely got heart burn so there was little evidence to point to the real problem, which seems to have been some sort of alcohol-induced injury to my esophageal sphincter that took years to fully manifest itself and has only shown clear signs of being gone now after two weeks of drinking 1.5 oz or less per night.

I suspect organ function will improve in ways I can’t anticipate elsewhere as well, and that the intensity of my occasional depressive episodes will lessen. It makes me wonder how I would’ve felt had I not been drinking all those years, and how I will presumably come to feel as my body regains homeostasis.

Other than some low-level anxiety I experienced few withdrawal symptoms, so I don’t think I was very physically addicted to alcohol (I had no problem quitting for 4 to 7 days on and off in the past for circumstantial reasons like not wanting to lug a wet bar up a mountain on a camping trip but that wasn’t long enough to reveal anything significant at the time). The simple fact is I was harming myself in ignorance for 8 years in very slow to develop, slow to fade, and convenient to overlook ways because, beyond its monetary cost, a number of personal circumstances made it seem like the joys of drinking had no immediate drawbacks.

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone?

* ~8 -10 oz of distilled spirits to help with sleep, more for social drinking, per night

 

[footscrazy]

I think it's really common for alcohol to fly under the radar. As a 'legal' drug, so many people don't even consider it a drug at all, and it's really easy to fall into the trap of thinking that different rules apply. I've often seen people on BL posting about consequences they assume have arisen from their drug use, whilst mentioning alcohol almost as a sidenote. I think it demonstrates just how differently people generally think about alcohol as compared to other drugs, and how often its effects are underestimated. I know that alcohol has one of the most significant effects on me of all drugs - I can really notice the difference when I stop for a few days - I feel so much more energetic, happy, motivated, etc.

It worries me too, the recommended maximum doses. I drink around 6 beers a day, and more on the weekend, and as a female that's classed as heavy drinking. But it can so easily feel quite light! I really worry about the brain damage most of all. I feel that I'm already suffering quite extreme memory problems due to my drinking.

It is so peculiar the way alcohol is so widely accepted, despite it being one of the most toxic drugs and causing such high levels of damage and death to its users. It really highlights just how contrary society is as a whole. How are alcohol and tobacco legal despite their widespread destruction, when other, more benign drugs aren't? It's a crazy world.

I think you bring up a good point regarding the different nature of addiction/dependence/habit depending on why you are using the substance. Similarly, people who are opioid dependent simply because they are on pain management often seem to have a very different experience of addiction and withdrawal to those who use to get high. Have you decided to completely stop drinking now, or just cut down? Good on you for recognising this and taking steps to address it.

 

[psood0nym]

I think it's really common for alcohol to fly under the radar. As a 'legal' drug, so many people don't even consider it a drug at all, and it's really easy to fall into the trap of thinking that different rules apply. I've often seen people on BL posting about consequences they assume have arisen from their drug use, whilst mentioning alcohol almost as a sidenote. I think it demonstrates just how differently people generally think about alcohol as compared to other drugs, and how often its effects are underestimated. I know that alcohol has one of the most significant effects on me of all drugs - I can really notice the difference when I stop for a few days - I feel so much more energetic, happy, motivated, etc.

It worries me too, the recommended maximum doses. I drink around 6 beers a day, and more on the weekend, and as a female that's classed as heavy drinking. But it can so easily feel quite light! I really worry about the brain damage most of all. I feel that I'm already suffering quite extreme memory problems due to my drinking.

It is so peculiar the way alcohol is so widely accepted, despite it being one of the most toxic drugs and causing such high levels of damage and death to its users. It really highlights just how contrary society is as a whole. How are alcohol and tobacco legal despite their widespread destruction, when other, more benign drugs aren't? It's a crazy world.

I think you bring up a good point regarding the different nature of addiction/dependence/habit depending on why you are using the substance. Similarly, people who are opioid dependent simply because they are on pain management often seem to have a very different experience of addiction and withdrawal to those who use to get high. Have you decided to completely stop drinking now, or just cut down? Good on you for recognising this and taking steps to address it.

I was really surprised by the maximum recommended doses, too, for the same reasons. It didn't feel like a lot. I only looked them up after my chronic cough began to subside in earnest and I realized it (somehow) must have been OVER drinking that was chiefly behind it. Then I read wikipedia's alcoholism page and was disturbed by how many and far ranging deleterious effects chronic overuse has. It was a big oversight considering introductory research and titration has been my approach to every other drug, none of which I've ever used like alcohol.

I've not decided to completely stop drinking. I'm currently drinking either not at all or 1.5 ounces of distilled spirits per night as part of a steady decrease over the past two weeks with a plan to become an occasional social drinker only. If I had tried to cut back and found myself relapsing or something, and it was clear I was using high nightly amounts of alcohol for deeper psychological reasons rather than just because I didn't know better, I'd probably conclude it best to cut it out entirely. However, since it seems like enjoying its recreational effects occasionally (once a week at most) is doable for me, I prefer the maximumly fun ideal of informed disciplined use. Still, I'm not going to drink for recreation, even if it is just once a week, for a couple months. I want to reduce my tolerance and be certain it's something I truly can easily do before risking a chance for potentially backsliding rationalizations or dismissals to enter into my life. It has been 8 years after all.

 

[Mysterie]

^ i havent been addicted to alcohol before, but having been addicted to drugs myself (tobacco, cannabis (psychologically) and even though I have pretty good will-power, I cant use either of them (although i expect to be able to control cannabis use soon in the future) without falling back into a cycle of abuse, leading to less happiness.

so ya ive tried cutting down too on addictive substances, or even the ideal (only using in social situations), the mind of an addict rationalises soooo easily. Especially if you have a close bond, or if that drug just works well with your personality, or did so in the past at some stage.

i rarely drink, and in my mindset I see more than 1-2 glasses of alcohol as becoming poisonous to my body, idk many alco's who can completely go back to that mindstate though or frequency of drinking with regularity but spaced to just one day a week.

 

[herbavore]

I copy/pasted your post, OP, and sent it to my son. he is in his mid-twenties and like you just graduated with honors from a very rigorous program. Not only that but he worked to pay for it. In other words no one can say that alcohol consumption was adversely affecting his life on the outside. I have always questioned however, what is going on inside--both physiologically and psychologically. He is a waiter and bartender and it is completely normal for he and his friends to drink frequently and in large quantities. I have always felt like I worry too much about it because of his brother's tragic and fatal experience with addiction with other substances and so I try to keep my worry to myself. Your post has made me want to speak up (though I am sure that in his mind he will tend to see me as you saw your gf ).

Thanks for posting this.

 

[psood0nym]

^I'm glad this is resonating with some people (I originally posted this in Homeless Threads because I wasn't sure it was appropriate here). If your son is like me the good news is he should be open to rational considerations. When my girlfriend told me I drink a lot it was always sort of casual and never elaborated on or argued, which made it really easy to write off. If somebody had given me something like this post to read along with the wikipedia alcoholism page I'm pretty certain I would've been persuade to have stopped far earlier than I did. After all, all it took for me to cut way back this time was realizing it was too great an expense to justify between jobs and the recognition I wouldn't need alcohol to sleep if I didn't have to wake up early for one of the jobs my hours were recently reduced at. A proper alcoholic would've continued drinking until they were broke or beyond.

What probably would've most convinced me are these considerations:

1. According to the wiki alcoholism page the number of drinks that is considered alcoholic-level abuse is far lower than I assumed.

2. According to wiki the long term effects of chronic over use damages nearly every bodily system. What this means to me is that even if I don't immediately feel bad the fact that I'm a human with human physiology means my physical constitution has without doubt been substantially damaged (it's just a physiological fact). Further, because the body is interconnected it is possible to experience indirect adverse effects that are in no way clearly connected to alcohol use.

3. Much of this damage to our bodies is slow to develop and slow to fade. We have cognitive biases that prevent us from intuitively appreciating the effects of long term processes (see evolutionary or geological time). This means even if we are suffering substantially from alcohol overuse, the fact that the damage has occurred slowly means that the only way to know if we will improve is to quit or cut back drastically for long enough for the changes to revert. For instance, my cough took four years to present itself, seven years to become a chronic issue I seriously felt needed to be addressed, and two weeks of reduced and drastically reduced drinking to show definite signs it was improving.

4. The young tend to take a long time to noticeably damage with alcohol, though damage is nevertheless occurring in the interim.

 

[electrodevo]

1. According to the wiki alcoholism page the number of drinks that is considered alcoholic-level abuse is far lower than I assumed.

That number of drinks FYI is more the line of what is considered "heavy drinking" by the health folks, especially if you cross both the daily limit (3 for women, 4 for men) and the weekly limit (7 for women, 14 for men). Crossing this line may entail risk of alcohol related health problems -- below this line, there is little risk at all. Alcohol dependence is another subject entirely, that's when you display addictive behaviors. Usually an addict is drinking a fair bit more than that.

I guess it depends what you mean by alcoholic. Personally, dependence (of any sort) is where it would cross the line for me. For the same reason that I wouldn't call a daily cannabis smoker a cannabis addict necessarily, even if the fairly heavy user may be at more risk of cannabis related health issues. The same with other drugs, to be honest. (Too many drugs are thought as more addictive than they really are.)

The health risk from an alcohol is a sliding scale dependent on genetic factors and many other things. There was a study recently that found that "heavy drinkers" actually outlive teetotalers! I imagine that number would change, though, if the "heavy drinkers" were divided into "moderate-heavy drinkers" (those over the limit but decently close to the line) and "chronic abusers" (those way over the limit). (Of course, if you could actually keep to moderate alcohol consumption, you lived the longest. But the reason for "heavy drinkers" living longer than teetotalers is probably because the line for "heavy drinking" is a bit too low for considering mortality. The NIAAA really means "not low risk drinking" when it says "heavy drinking".)

 

[footscrazy]

here was a study recently that found that "heavy drinkers" actually outlive teetotalers! I imagine that number would change, though, if the "heavy drinkers" were divided into "moderate-heavy drinkers" (those over the limit but decently close to the line) and "chronic abusers" (those way over the limit). (Of course, if you could actually keep to moderate alcohol consumption, you lived the longest. But the reason for "heavy drinkers" living longer than teetotalers is probably because the line for "heavy drinking" is a bit too low for considering mortality. The NIAAA really means "not low risk drinking" when it says "heavy drinking".)

I've also heard it proposed that the 'teetotalers' category could also contain a greater proportion of ex alcoholics (who have already caused themselves damage) and the very ill, who aren't drinking precisley because they are so sick.

 

[psood0nym]

^It seems highly likely that people with poor health, and who would therefore be likely to die young and skew the numbers, would be advised not to drink alcohol at all. A full text link to the study would be the best way to get an idea of what kinds of controls they were or weren't using.

While the figures cited by the NIH may be what's considered heavy drinking for the health folks, it didn't take much more than that, when used chronically, to seemingly cause my chronic cough (which has remained "cured" since I cut back). I certainly like drinking, and plan to occasionally enjoy it in the future, but ethanol is a relatively destructive drug. I'm sure most of us are aware of Professor Nutt's harm comparison of alcohol with other drugs... Then there's the consideration that ethanol is a strong solvent and disinfectant that is produced when the flesh of fruits and vegetables rots. That's the substance we're regularly drinking. Even without the studies to back it up it's sort of intuitively obvious that drinking a lot of this flammable byproduct of organic decomposition is probably bad, now that I think about it like that.

 

[MrGrunge]

This is a good post and reminds of myself in a lot of ways. Recently (well, for the past year and a half) my drinking has well exceeded what I would consider "normal, social amounts". Like you, I never lose control of myself while drunk nor do I get hangovers, but the longer this binge of mine goes the harder and harder I find it to take breaks from the booze. As a chronic anxious/depressive, alcohol makes me feel wonderful, despite being constantly aware of the potential damage I'm doing to my liver and other organs. I have a hard time convincing myself, though, that the potential risks necessitate I stop drinking - I'm 22, decent shape, good job, cool girlfriend, so I figure "well, obviously I have a drinking problem...but it hasn't really affected my life in any way, so why stop now? I've got a long time to sort it out". Obviously, that reasoning is stupid, but try telling that to me after a stressful day in the middle of a depressive episode.

Marijuana helps me not crave alcohol, but after years of smoking the stuff on an almost daily basis, it also amplifies my stress and anxiety. Posts like yours (psood0nym) always provide me with some perspective into my substance abuse issues - for about a week or two I'll concentrate on being healthy and active, which will work for awhile, but almost inevitably I'll fall back into my old habits (which, honestly, I don't want to eliminate - just moderate). Who knows though, maybe this time I'll find something that works for me.

Anyway, good luck to you psood0nym. It doesn't sound like you've experienced any significant physical withdrawl symptoms (which is lucky in itself) and you seem to have the mental fortitude to control your actions, so I wish you the best.

 

[electrodevo]

^It seems highly likely that people with poor health, and who would therefore be likely to die young and skew the numbers, would be advised not to drink alcohol at all. A full text link to the study would be the best way to get an idea of what kinds of controls they were or weren't using.

A very valid point. An article about the study is here and seems to control for ex-alcoholics. However it doesn't necessarily control for those with health problems on medication where one cannot drink alcohol, for instance. The hypothesis for the difference was social related. I noticed the sample size focuses on older men. Access to the original journal costs $$$ unfortunately...

I should emphasize that I do feel like those limits are on the money. Alcohol is a fairly destructive drug and even if heavy drinking doesn't affect mortality at "low heavy" levels, it could in all probability cause some health issues like that chronic cough you mentioned. It is very good to keep drinking at the moderate levels.

I think there is quite a difference between the "heavy drinker" and "alcoholic" categories though, and that while "heavy drinking" at the lower end is a problem, it's a problem usually corrected by self-discipline... an option not necessarily available to the addicted alcoholic.

 

[karate]

I would not cut down from 10 shots a night to 1 ,

Go 10- 9- 8- and so on .

 

[psood0nym]

^I didn't, though I probably did go too fast since I ended up staying awake for about 40 hours that first night I decided I wasn't going to do more than 1.5 oz a night. The first few nights were an alteration between my normal amount and half the normal amount, then a little less than normal alternated with 1.5 oz, then finally just 1.5 oz/night. A proper taper with volumetric measurements and a calender probably would've spared me the insomnia, but I was motivated in the moment so I just said screw it.

 

[karate]

That's what I did too , threw on the brakes and quit .
Went from 4-12 beers a day and 1-2 , big bottles of beam a week -to zero , was told that was dangerous , but took benzos in light amounts -did fine .

 

[crazycatman]

I read a few posts from some guy on another board that drank a bottle or two of vodka per day for a few years and at the end his liver was failing. He tried to stop with the aid of benzos, I don't think he managed to quit completely but he did reduce his drinking a lot, his liver function improved, but then he stopped posting, so I don't know how that ended. I hope he managed to quit and get his liver to work at least semi normally.

Then you also have stories of people drinking heavily for much longer, remaining healthy and dying of totally unrelated causes.

It's really a genetic lottery imo.

 

[Max2x]

I thnik you should consider yourself lucky to not have badly damaged your health.

Alcohol messed up my blood really bad once.

After just barely two weeks of very heavy drinking and partying with friends (me and a friend were getting over different traumas, so we found people to hang out with every day), alcohol messed my biochemistry up so much that I ended having an intolerable headache that almost went away when I held my head in a horizontal position, so I had to walk around doing everything with my head bent at a 90 degree angle or I would also feel nausea and want to puke. Most of the time I was in the couch ofcourse. Had some benzos too that time but I have had them way more so they can't be to blame.

Going to the neurologist was weird when I was in a fetal position on the chairs in the line behind the office. That woman who looked in her 60s said that my bloodwork looked so toxic that it was one of the worse she had seen in her life. I was just 19 at the time. I got well after a week.

Maybe alcohol is worse on me than others because of genetics. I drank with my dad to oblivion once and the next day he literally couldn't stand up, so he crawled. I wasn't that bad.

4 years later and I almost never drink multiple days in a row. Cant handle the damage to my body. Used other drugs, but once after lots of benzos, some amps (haven't used them a lot in my life) and cwe'd hydrocodne (probably lots of apap) , when I got some muscle twitches, my extensive bloodwork came back perfectly normal. (not saying that they're healthy, they cause different types of harm)

People drink really a lot of spirits because it is a huge part of the culture where I am. My parents worked at a bank and when I was a child, they had nowhere to put me so they took me along to company parties on friday nights. I really liked that actually. ( I have excellent parents, no criticism )Everybody was always so drunk. People in suits couldn't literally stand up. A game was also played to find a hidden box of vodka.

Alcohol isn't considered a drug, but weed is something to be feared. What matters is history, and alcohol has been used for eons.

 

[Cwest]

* ~8 -10 oz of distilled spirits to help with sleep, more for social drinking, per night

does this equate to 70-100 shots of 80proof (40%abv) per week?

 

[electrodevo]

does this equate to 70-100 shots of 80proof (40%abv) per week?

A standard shot size is usually around 1.5 ounces (or 40-50ml). So, more like 5-7 shots a night (still quite a high number).

 

[dankplantgrower]

Youre still an alcoholic even if you only take a single shot every night. If you have to have that shot, you are an alcoholic. Booze is the worst substance to abuse in my opinion. It is so cheap, widely available, socially acceptable. Withdrawals can include seizures and hallucinations. I quit a horrendous crystal meth habit, and I find booze much harder to quit than even meth.

I started drinking to induce sleep about 8 years ago myself. Over the years I started drinking at any time of the day, even at work, lost a couple jobs over it. Id pour a ~triple shotter when I got up to pee at night to put me back to sleep. Id shake very badly if I didnt have at least 3 shots in me, to the point I could not fill out job applications or put a normal signature on anything, writing small was impossible. I blacked out all the time, a couple months there I blacked out pretty much every night. Eventually my family forced me into interventions, rehabs, Id hop the wall at night and get a couple pints of vodka to sneak in. I was a DRUNK in the flesh. I got minor visual hallucinations during my delirium tremens. My fiancee took my 2 kids and left me. This pain endures the most. Not just losing the love of my life of nearly a decade, but being forced to see my kids only 4 days a month now.

In frugal financial times, Id purposely not eat many times, so as to get drunker off smaller amounts on an empty stomach. I drank 2 bottles of horribly acidic 99 cent store wine nightly at one point, and thats when I developed the first health issue, gastritis. Next I damaged my esophogeal sphincter like you. Then pain in my swollen appendix would occur. Now, I have kidney pain, and Im pretty sure my liver has seen better days. I believe I have a chronic kidney disease, but I cant afford the doctor and hospital bills to get it taken care of. Nowadays Ive cut back tremendously, Ive probably averaged only a pint a day over the past month.

How can such a socially acceptable thing ruin a life so thoroughly? Easily. I think the fact that you made this thread for people to reflect on their habits is an awesome thing. I beg anyone reading this... If you are feeling yourself approaching alcoholism, please do everything in your power to reverse the situation before its too late. I know this is a drug forum and we all like to get intoxicated, but start looking for a replacement, maybe weed or something. I wouldnt wish the pain Ive endured, and caused others, on my worst enemy. Drinking has been such a huge source of pain and despair in my life. Yet I still cant stop.

edit: Ill be quitting booze today. This thread made me reflect deeply on my situation. Thanks for posting it, and good luck dropping your habit as well.

 

[psood0nym]

does this equate to 70-100 shots of 80proof (40%abv) per week?

Like electrodevo said, a shot is 1.5 oz, but yes, 80 proof hard liquor, usually vodka with diet tonic water.

Youre still an alcoholic even if you only take a single shot every night. If you have to have that shot, you are an alcoholic. Booze is the worst substance to abuse in my opinion. It is so cheap, widely available, socially acceptable. Withdrawals can include seizures and hallucinations. I quit a horrendous crystal meth habit, and I find booze much harder to quit than even meth.

I started drinking to induce sleep about 8 years ago myself. Over the years I started drinking at any time of the day, even at work, lost a couple jobs over it. Id pour a ~triple shotter when I got up to pee at night to put me back to sleep. Id shake very badly if I didnt have at least 3 shots in me, to the point I could not fill out job applications or put a normal signature on anything, writing small was impossible. I blacked out all the time, a couple months there I blacked out pretty much every night. Eventually my family forced me into interventions, rehabs, Id hop the wall at night and get a couple pints of vodka to sneak in. I was a DRUNK in the flesh. I got minor visual hallucinations during my delirium tremens. My fiancee took my 2 kids and left me. This pain endures the most. Not just losing the love of my life of nearly a decade, but being forced to see my kids only 4 days a month now.

In frugal financial times, Id purposely not eat many times, so as to get drunker off smaller amounts on an empty stomach. I drank 2 bottles of horribly acidic 99 cent store wine nightly at one point, and thats when I developed the first health issue, gastritis. Next I damaged my esophogeal sphincter like you. Then pain in my swollen appendix would occur. Now, I have kidney pain, and Im pretty sure my liver has seen better days. I believe I have a chronic kidney disease, but I cant afford the doctor and hospital bills to get it taken care of. Nowadays Ive cut back tremendously, Ive probably averaged only a pint a day over the past month.

How can such a socially acceptable thing ruin a life so thoroughly? Easily. I think the fact that you made this thread for people to reflect on their habits is an awesome thing. I beg anyone reading this... If you are feeling yourself approaching alcoholism, please do everything in your power to reverse the situation before its too late. I know this is a drug forum and we all like to get intoxicated, but start looking for a replacement, maybe weed or something. I wouldnt wish the pain Ive endured, and caused others, on my worst enemy. Drinking has been such a huge source of pain and despair in my life. Yet I still cant stop.

edit: Ill be quitting booze today. This thread made me reflect deeply on my situation. Thanks for posting it, and good luck dropping your habit as well.

I'm very happy that this thread helped you to reflect on your situation dankplantgrower. I was hesitant to even write about my experience because it's pretty tame compared to a lot of the more tragic tales told in The Dark Side, but it's starting to seem like maybe this is a fairly common situation among younger drinkers. I think the best thing is to simply quit/cut back on alcohol rather than substitute with any other drugs, but if you find yourself having trouble I think phenibut could be helpful if you haven't tried it. It's a cheap long lasting over the counter gabanergic substance that others have used successfully in abstaining from alcohol and benzos. You should only use it temporarily for quitting other things though, since it's reported to be addictive in its own right and causes withdrawals. It may cause liver stress, too, I don't think much is is known for sure about that, though.

I've continued to drink a maximum of 1.5 oz per night since posting this thread, with the exception of a barbeque a few days back when I had three beers. My cough has remained "cured," and I'm loving being able to eat spicy foods late at night again (spicy foods were a big trigger of reflux when I was drinking more). I'm also finding that I need about one hour less sleep during the night and that I have more motivation to work through all sorts of little chores I used to find more taxing. The tendency of my thoughts to gravitate toward drinking late at night has also steadily abated.