I read it and tried to wrote a following reply.
You are not guilty no matter the defendant might throw upon you!
Some may remember similar case on this spring as a long time friend of mine went on stimulant and booze binge, got pretty much raped and beat the shit out of the rapist. She then was at my house for a while to recover from that binge and getting stuff together so she could go back to work to army.
I don't want to say I know how you feel but as having a long conversations with a person nearly in the same kind of situation I can somewhat relate into your sad situation. She felt guilty too for taking the stimulants and such and it took for a while until she find out that there is nothing to feel guilt.
I hope you'll find out a way to dismiss all the guilt you are feeling as you shouldn't feel none. You are the victim here.
I don't pray but I'll keep you in my mind. Hopefully things start to go better soon.