Detox I’m on day 4 clean from heroin & fent willingly. please read

[Southwestsosa]

Monday 8/23/21 At 12 noon was my last gram shot. (I used 1-2 grams a day for the past year and about a half of gram a day for the year before that. 20hrs later on Tuesday morning 8/24/21 I went out and got a bunch of meds ( subs, clonidine, zofran, Xanax, indica weed) and I’ve loaded myself up on the clonidine. Zofran and Xanax and indica strained weed. Fast forward to last night Thursday 8/27/21 & im in AWE that all my symptoms hwve been subtle. Mild to moderate wd, compared to usual. Maybe because of the meds I used?? Everything was going great. Thursday night comes & Well i started feeling a little twacky, restless /cringy and finally tried a sub. I kept it in for 10 min and spit it out. Figured maybe it would be best to not fuck with the receptors since everything has gone so smooth. Couple Hours later last night going into 12 pm midnight I started getting more twacky and then gave in and did a small rinse. I’m talking small 30ml of water sat in an old cap no mixing nothing for like 30sec then drew it up and shot it. I woke up this morning and still do not feel 100% but I feel about the same as I did every other morning waking up.

But I’m thinking did I just blow my four days away from using that small amount? I still feel the same as I did for the past few days. And I had been able to get up everyday and even drive . whats going on? Did I just restart my wds by using tht little tiny rinse?
This is the first time I ever done this willingly by myself and on my own I just wondering if I just lost my chance to get my life back or if I should still be ok.
Any info helps . I think the opiate gods are blessing me. I never made it this far I’m getting excited and still worried at the same time

 

[Mistressofitness]

Keep trying man, just do it one day at a time. You don't "blow" your chances just from one small slip/use ..you will just learn from it.. Maybe it helped you to taper off...anything is better than what you were originally using...so try to look at this as progress...usually it takes several tries till it sticks and you sound committed . Try and think positive if you can, instead off "I blew it". I find that "all or nothing" thinking can be problematic ..I like to just think of how much I have progressed overall despite my occasional setbacks! I wish you the best and keep it up !!!! Don't give up!!!

 

[G_Chem]

No one ever gets clean on the first go. As I like to say it’s usually one relapse after another that progressively get further apart until one day it seems pointless. At least that’s how it was for me.

Did you set yourself back a bit in the withdrawa? Yea a little.. Are you Day 1 WD again? No. Just keep pushing on, don’t get too tied up on the days cuz then you feel horrible when you fuck up. Your doing good!

-GC

 

[Jabberwocky]

you won't have put yourself back too far with a rinse but using opiates in withdrawal does draw it out. its a fine balance cos i try and smooth it out a bit otherwise its utter hell.

well done for making the decision to stop and taking action to do so!!

are you getting any psychological support? meetings like NA/SMART? stopping using is just the first step in getting into recovery. you need to address the psychological issues and needs underlying your use, and find healthy ways of addressing those.

 

[Southwestsosa]

Keep trying man, just do it one day at a time. You don't "blow" your chances just from one small slip/use ..you will just learn from it.. Maybe it helped you to taper off...anything is better than what you were originally using...so try to look at this as progress...usually it takes several tries till it sticks and you sound committed . Try and think positive if you can, instead off "I blew it". I find that "all or nothing" thinking can be problematic ..I like to just think of how much I have progressed overall despite my occasional setbacks! I wish you the best and keep it up !!!! Don't give up!!!

I just want to live again. In these last now 8 days alone I’ve detoxed a lot of it but can’t get past the twacky nauseas racing feelings & for the first time in like 8 years over just this weekend I got a taste. I’ve felt so much. Like a kid again. Lots of music and nitrous oxide too tho. But Im Feeling again and seriously thinking about my original pain. I’ve came to terms with that. there’s beautiful shit out here. I’ve cried so much this weekend , I’ve laughed like a child & I’ve felt things I haven’t felt in 8 years. I’m so close but so sad everytime I do just that smallest but because I know deep down each one will get larger again if I don’t do something right away. Thank you for the input , I know this was 4 days ago now but I was so zonked when I posted this I didn’t even realize it posted and any of you guys responded till now. I’ll try to not use this all or nothing thinking but deep down I know it is all or nothing.

 

[Southwestsosa]

No one ever gets clean on the first go. As I like to say it’s usually one relapse after another that progressively get further apart until one day it seems pointless. At least that’s how it was for me.

Did you set yourself back a bit in the withdrawa? Yea a little.. Are you Day 1 WD again? No. Just keep pushing on, don’t get too tied up on the days cuz then you feel horrible when you fuck up. Your doing good!

-GC

Chem I’ve been clean twice in jail. Awful withdrawals. The worst ever. But it was actually easier to stay clean in there because had no option no matter what & I selfishly took advantage of my own 2 solid opportunities because I didn’t care or want to be clean at that time. After 6 months of being locked up And getting out ya I was clean but not healed and immediately used the moment I got out knowing it would be like the first time again. And then again the second time going in and getting out I couldn’t fight that thought again. Now if I were locked away for 6 months I think I may possibly be able to fight the thought when getting out. But then again who’s to say because I’ve never been clean in society with the choice to use or not. It seemed to be the lingering withdrawals that sucked me back in, And then in this moment I dread to think maybe I’m stuck 4L. I’m glad you’re clean. It makes me sincerely happy u won. And makes me even more scared that you won but still have to fight We just deserve to live………Sometimes I think we would have been too powerful in life if we weren’t plagued with addiction.

 

[Southwestsosa]

you won't have put yourself back too far with a rinse but using opiates in withdrawal does draw it out. its a fine balance cos i try and smooth it out a bit otherwise its utter hell.

well done for making the decision to stop and taking action to do so!!

are you getting any psychological support? meetings like NA/SMART? stopping using is just the first step in getting into recovery. you need to address the psychological issues and needs underlying your use, and find healthy ways of addressing those.

Then Idk how far I’m back in now. I’ve probably used10$ worth total since this original post 4 days ago . Im not getting professional psych support no. But my néw/ish gf is 100% clean now and has been for a couple years. She supports me if that counts? and Saturday and Sunday we connected more then we have in the past 6 months & I felt more then i have in like 8 years and the laughing and crying and connecting and touching & understanding of this crazy universe felt even better then a hit of dope. The lingering is what is getting me. I just want that relief. I almost wonder if I should try with the Xanax again for a few days. If I’m still so close ? I could take a few more days off. Idk chin

 

[DesertFox991]

Southwestsosa, I feel your pain. I was a hardcore heroin addict for 7 years and our habit was similar. I'm coming up on 19 months completely drug free.

It's absolutely possible. Withdrawal sucks but it doesn't last forever, remember that. You ARE capable of doing hard things. And if you slip and do a wash, don't beat yourself up dude. Talk to your gf. Laugh hard and live it up. Try out an NA meeting and see if it's helpful. If not, that's okay too! I personally am not a huge meeting guy, though I attend HA occasionally and find it helpful to me.

Try and avoid the Xanax if you can, but if you need to take one then do it. Just don't rely on it, because it's too easy to keep doing benzos to make yourself comfortable. I was helped a lot by responsible suboxone use, but I tapered off that too!

It's important to remember this: give yourself a break. You're doing something incredibly difficult but you've already gotten a taste of the good life. I've laughed harder and cried more in the past 19 months than I ever have before. I'm in Italy right now attending my sister's wedding, and that's only possible because I got off dope. Life without drugs can be fucking amazing, and you absolutely deserve to have those experiences.

You know how dangerous banging H can be. You could be one hit away from dying. All it takes is a tiny mistake or copping stronger shit than you expect. And your life is worth saving. Cherish your new experiences and know that even better ones are right around the corner. That life is worth the hard work it takes. You're doing something very few people are capable of. Be proud of yourself. You deserve to be happy and healthy.

Dude, message me if you want to talk. I'll even give you my personal email. You are loved and deserve to have a great life.

Quick edit: look into getting a therapist. I have a great one who is a recovering addict and he's awesome. Doctors who specialize in addiction are also everywhere, so make use of whatever resources you can find. You don't have to do this alone; in fact, it's much easier than you think to ask for help and that help can be vital. I wouldn't be here without those resources.

 

[Euphoric Spirit]

Keep trying man, just do it one day at a time. You don't "blow" your chances just from one small slip/use ..you will just learn from it.. Maybe it helped you to taper off...anything is better than what you were originally using...so try to look at this as progress...usually it takes several tries till it sticks and you sound committed . Try and think positive if you can, instead off "I blew it". I find that "all or nothing" thinking can be problematic ..I like to just think of how much I have progressed overall despite my occasional setbacks! I wish you the best and keep it up !!!! Don't give up!!!

I was reading one of your older comments. You still doing odp? Like sub?
I'm Canadian and I'm wondering if my doctor is not doing the program right. Idk message me if you think you can help

 

[Balissa]

Awesome man I’m proud of you.. I’m also on day 4 (I know this is an older sub) but I did the same method you did except instead of suboxone I got some perc 5s, klonopin, clonidine, kratom, kava and neurontin lol. My WD haven’t been bad physically at all just mentally. I was also shooting about a gram of Fent a day. I get my RXs from my oncologist and I was afraid to jump from Fent to box so I’m using the percs for about 5 days before doing the jump.. we got this!!

 

[Uknowit4now]

Keep trying man, just do it one day at a time. You don't "blow" your chances just from one small slip/use ..you will just learn from it.. Maybe it helped you to taper off...anything is better than what you were originally using...so try to look at this as progress...usually it takes several tries till it sticks and you sound committed . Try and think positive if you can, instead off "I blew it". I find that "all or nothing" thinking can be problematic ..I like to just think of how much I have progressed

Monday 8/23/21 At 12 noon was my last gram shot. (I used 1-2 grams a day for the past year and about a half of gram a day for the year before that. 20hrs later on Tuesday morning 8/24/21 I went out and got a bunch of meds ( subs, clonidine, zofran, Xanax, indica weed) and I’ve loaded myself up on the clonidine. Zofran and Xanax and indica strained weed. Fast forward to last night Thursday 8/27/21 & im in AWE that all my symptoms hwve been subtle. Mild to moderate wd, compared to usual. Maybe because of the meds I used?? Everything was going great. Thursday night comes & Well i started feeling a little twacky, restless /cringy and finally tried a sub. I kept it in for 10 min and spit it out. Figured maybe it would be best to not fuck with the receptors since everything has gone so smooth. Couple Hours later last night going into 12 pm midnight I started getting more twacky and then gave in and did a small rinse. I’m talking small 30ml of water sat in an old cap no mixing nothing for like 30sec then drew it up and shot it. I woke up this morning and still do not feel 100% but I feel about the same as I did every other morning waking up.

But I’m thinking did I just blow my four days away from using that small amount? I still feel the same as I did for the past few days. And I had been able to get up everyday and even drive . whats going on? Did I just restart my wds by using tht little tiny rinse?
This is the first time I ever done this willingly by myself and on my own I just wondering if I just lost my chance to get my life back or if I should still be ok.
Any info helps . I think the opiate gods are blessing me. I never made it this far I’m getting excited and still worried at the same time

Anything is better than your full dose.. you are doing better just by trying! And that means if you want to try then you will do it. Sometimes it just takes baby steps.. i hope you continue to try as thats all you can do, never be upset at slipping up. Learn from it like everyone else had to as well. Good luck and keep up the good work man!

 

[Uknowit4now]

Awesome man I’m proud of you.. I’m also on day 4 (I know this is an older sub) but I did the same method you did except instead of suboxone I got some perc 5s, klonopin, clonidine, kratom, kava and neurontin lol. My WD haven’t been bad physically at all just mentally. I was also shooting about a gram of Fent a day. I get my RXs from my oncologist and I was afraid to jump from Fent to box so I’m using the percs for about 5 days before doing the jump.. we got this!!

Good luck to you too! You can do this!! You can!
Trust me.. 20+years of doing dope and the sh!t and i am soo close now of being off subs... you got this

 

[Balissa]

Good luck to you too! You can do this!! You can!
Trust me.. 20+years of doing dope and the sh!t and i am soo close now of being off subs... you got this

Today is day 8 and I’m finally feeling normal.. thank you for the inspiration and you got this too

 

[Balissa]

Southwestsosa, I feel your pain. I was a hardcore heroin addict for 7 years and our habit was similar. I'm coming up on 19 months completely drug free.

It's absolutely possible. Withdrawal sucks but it doesn't last forever, remember that. You ARE capable of doing hard things. And if you slip and do a wash, don't beat yourself up dude. Talk to your gf. Laugh hard and live it up. Try out an NA meeting and see if it's helpful. If not, that's okay too! I personally am not a huge meeting guy, though I attend HA occasionally and find it helpful to me.

Try and avoid the Xanax if you can, but if you need to take one then do it. Just don't rely on it, because it's too easy to keep doing benzos to make yourself comfortable. I was helped a lot by responsible suboxone use, but I tapered off that too!

It's important to remember this: give yourself a break. You're doing something incredibly difficult but you've already gotten a taste of the good life. I've laughed harder and cried more in the past 19 months than I ever have before. I'm in Italy right now attending my sister's wedding, and that's only possible because I got off dope. Life without drugs can be fucking amazing, and you absolutely deserve to have those experiences.

You know how dangerous banging H can be. You could be one hit away from dying. All it takes is a tiny mistake or copping stronger shit than you expect. And your life is worth saving. Cherish your new experiences and know that even better ones are right around the corner. That life is worth the hard work it takes. You're doing something very few people are capable of. Be proud of yourself. You deserve to be happy and healthy.

Dude, message me if you want to talk. I'll even give you my personal email. You are loved and deserve to have a great life.

Quick edit: look into getting a therapist. I have a great one who is a recovering addict and he's awesome. Doctors who specialize in addiction are also everywhere, so make use of whatever resources you can find. You don't have to do this alone; in fact, it's much easier than you think to ask for help and that help can be vital. I wouldn't be here without those resources.

Solid advice right here

 

[nznity]

I still don't get why you Americans keep saying u guys are addicted to heroin when it's 99% fent nowadays xd rofl idk how ppl can do fentanyl seriously. Thst shit is awful, no euphoria, doesn't last long and the difference between a fat shot and a hotshot(overdose) is so lil, it's not even worth it. I've shot up pharma fent and still it fucking sucks. 0/10

 

[yubacity]

Using a little bit on day 4 knocks it back a little but not back to day one. Eventually, you have to just grin and bear the shitty stage otherwise you stay in the stage of mild wds and are neither fully clean nor addicted. I would recommend using pregabalin during the little hump I always say this but it handles the anxiety fatigue lets you sleep and eat and the music sounds so fuckng good just don't swap addictions. I find it better than benzos because It not only handle the sleep and anxiety it takes away the fatigue

 

[Uknowit4now]

Today is day 8 and I’m finally feeling normal.. thank you for the inspiration and you got this too

Thank you.. crap i am still chuggin along but down to .50mg and its my 10th day today on .50 i wanna drop again but i dont feel 100% yet.. next week ill drop again.. i just wanna get off this i really do

 

[n3ophy7e]

Thank you.. crap i am still chuggin along but down to .50mg and its my 10th day today on .50 i wanna drop again but i dont feel 100% yet.. next week ill drop again.. i just wanna get off this i really do

You'll get there man, just keep at it, one day at a time. WANTING to be clean is already half the battle won, I reckon!! You're almost there

 

[n3ophy7e]

Today is day 8 and I’m finally feeling normal.. thank you for the inspiration and you got this too

This is awesome honey, well done! You should be proud of yourself

 

[Uknowit4now]

You'll get there man, just keep at it, one day at a time. WANTING to be clean is already half the battle won, I reckon!! You're almost there

Today i felt ok it was a good day. Still on the.50 and ready to drop again!! Thank you for the words of encouragement i need them