MyDoorsAreOpen
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2003
- Messages
- 8,549
I've smoked one or two one-hitters every day for years, at various times of the day. Two days ago I ran out for the first time in at least a couple years, and I haven't been scrambling to find any because I know someone who wants to give me some as a gift next week. It's a good thing to take breaks from any drug, and this is the only way it was going to happen for me -- if I have it, I will smoke it.
These last couple days, the biggest change I've noticed being off marijuana is how much less I'm obsessing about sex. When I'm on it, I'm one of the horniest people I know. My roving eye is in full force, and my imagination too. I'm much more motivated to seek out online porn when I've gotten stoned in the past half day or so, and the rush I get from masturbating, either to porn or to my own fantasies, is irresistible. Even when my wife is in a particularly sexual mood, I'll still be driven to masturbate on my own at least once or twice a day. Given the right circumstances (including a wife who's not in the mood at all), I've managed 6 wanks in a day, with no ill effects and no regrets.
I chalked this all up to just being a naturally horny and sexual person, until I got off marijuana. Now I don't feel the irresistible urge to engage in sexual activity. I feel like I could go for 2-3 days without even giving sex much thought, and wouldn't care. It's not that I'm not interested in it anymore. But I'm much more nonchalant about it.
What scares me is some of the thoughts that I'm able to take very seriously when I'm getting stoned daily. I've spent days comparing myself to, and being jealous of, uber pornstar Rocco Siffredi. Yes, I understand rationally that guys like him are like astronauts and rock stars -- incredibly lucky, and paid to do things that most of us can only dream of doing, for the vicarious pleasure of the masses. But when I'm stoned often, a part of my brain takes over that says "Yeesh, I should be so lucky. Why can't I have his job??" I also experience intrusive thoughts of ripping the clothes off of any attractive woman whom I meet personally in my day to day life. I've stalked the facebook pages of chicks who've shown sexual interest in me years ago, and thought strategically about what it would take to get back into their lives and lay them. I even have a couple of sexual fetishes that I only ever feel an interest in when I'm stoned. They're things that I'm sure my wife isn't interested in, and would probably scare her. But that's OK, because most of the time we have sex sober.
I'm a happily married man, but for a long time I've worried I'd be irresistibly drawn to cheat just because of my insatiable sexual appetite. But this mental conflict has evaporated along with the marijuana fog. I still appreciate sex, but the idea of seeking out conquests outside my marriage just strikes me as the stupid risk that it is.
I feel that the boundary between fantasy and reality can get a bit blurred when I'm often using marijuana. This is true in all domains -- I used to don a wifebeater and camo shorts and hang in NYC parks with gutter punks and local thugs, just for the adventure of blending in (both in my head and socially) with a whole new crowd. I could forget so easily that I was not of that world. I feel this is true of sexual fantasy just the same.
Can anyone else relate, or share a similar story? Did you find that you eventually had to curtail or quit your marijuana use because of how it changed the way you approached sex?
These last couple days, the biggest change I've noticed being off marijuana is how much less I'm obsessing about sex. When I'm on it, I'm one of the horniest people I know. My roving eye is in full force, and my imagination too. I'm much more motivated to seek out online porn when I've gotten stoned in the past half day or so, and the rush I get from masturbating, either to porn or to my own fantasies, is irresistible. Even when my wife is in a particularly sexual mood, I'll still be driven to masturbate on my own at least once or twice a day. Given the right circumstances (including a wife who's not in the mood at all), I've managed 6 wanks in a day, with no ill effects and no regrets.
I chalked this all up to just being a naturally horny and sexual person, until I got off marijuana. Now I don't feel the irresistible urge to engage in sexual activity. I feel like I could go for 2-3 days without even giving sex much thought, and wouldn't care. It's not that I'm not interested in it anymore. But I'm much more nonchalant about it.
What scares me is some of the thoughts that I'm able to take very seriously when I'm getting stoned daily. I've spent days comparing myself to, and being jealous of, uber pornstar Rocco Siffredi. Yes, I understand rationally that guys like him are like astronauts and rock stars -- incredibly lucky, and paid to do things that most of us can only dream of doing, for the vicarious pleasure of the masses. But when I'm stoned often, a part of my brain takes over that says "Yeesh, I should be so lucky. Why can't I have his job??" I also experience intrusive thoughts of ripping the clothes off of any attractive woman whom I meet personally in my day to day life. I've stalked the facebook pages of chicks who've shown sexual interest in me years ago, and thought strategically about what it would take to get back into their lives and lay them. I even have a couple of sexual fetishes that I only ever feel an interest in when I'm stoned. They're things that I'm sure my wife isn't interested in, and would probably scare her. But that's OK, because most of the time we have sex sober.
I'm a happily married man, but for a long time I've worried I'd be irresistibly drawn to cheat just because of my insatiable sexual appetite. But this mental conflict has evaporated along with the marijuana fog. I still appreciate sex, but the idea of seeking out conquests outside my marriage just strikes me as the stupid risk that it is.
I feel that the boundary between fantasy and reality can get a bit blurred when I'm often using marijuana. This is true in all domains -- I used to don a wifebeater and camo shorts and hang in NYC parks with gutter punks and local thugs, just for the adventure of blending in (both in my head and socially) with a whole new crowd. I could forget so easily that I was not of that world. I feel this is true of sexual fantasy just the same.
Can anyone else relate, or share a similar story? Did you find that you eventually had to curtail or quit your marijuana use because of how it changed the way you approached sex?