hurrying to get nowhere

[whos there]

six years. six long years that went by all too fast. all that foil. all the loss
i wheeze in my lungs now, im out of breath just thinking of breathing
so much tar. up in smoke. too much money. fuck it you can have it. i dont deserve it. but i do deserve this
six years, or is it seven? I cant even remember how I started, so how should I know how to stop
sure, the benzos made me stupid and the meth made me paranoid. but with heroin...
nothing else matters. nothing else exists. you dont exist, because there is no existence
its perfect, nothing is wrong and nothing is right. nothing exists in oblivion
there could be nothing worse...than knowing that you are nothing

if heroin came from the word heroic, then why am i the one who has to be saved

 

[OntarioGuy]

That sucks man...I feel for you....but this is more journal material than harm reduction OD material

 

[Gorillaboy21]

Same thing man, 6-7 years down the line I feel like where has time gone ? I knew off the bat when I initially used H and I smoked it, that it was definitely not good long term. First of all it's a cough suppressant so all that cut and tar stays suppressed in your lungs.
After 6 months I would wake up coughing black chunks so I figured if this is going to be long term can't smoke it.
I've been shooting the 6-7 years while other friends smoked and their lungs are equal to that of a 50 year old with beginning stages of emphysema. When he talks you hear the rasp in his throats all the time, it's very noticeable.

Anyways that's off topic, downsides of shooting is not being able to hit and cry wasting 10-15$ in a rig.
And the benzos ... pointlessly taking them worrying for no reason .

I know how you feel being so down, that's how I am right now. I know there's no safe way shooting or smoking it's bad either way.

I want to detox before Halloween somehow so badly I want 2018 different from 2011-2018

 

[FunctionlJnkieGal]

I first tried an opiate back in 2005 or 2006, but I've been addicted to opiates and have been taking them daily since 2008. Its 2017 now and I'm about to turn 28 soon. I once told myself I wanted to get clean by the time I turned 27 so my fiance and I can try to start a family, but I have a feeling I'm gonna gonna put off getting clean a little longer. I don't want to say " maybe next year" because when next year rolls around, odds are I'll be saying the same thing. I feel your pain. Opiates are evil in its most powerful, tangible form (outside of money, of course). They will make you feel the best you've ever felt just to leave you feeling the worst you could possibly fathom once you can't acquire any.

 

[Jabberwocky]

od->tds

 

[Mafioso]

10 years passed me up pretty quick as well. Regardless of how it all started, putting an end to it will allow you to move on and to begin to better your life. It's really hard to make lasting positive changes when our primary focus is getting wrecked.

Although it's very painful at first, stepping back into the real world is a positive change. For me, I finally started looking at myself and my actions and the effect they had/have on other people, particularly my family. I didn't realize how many people were hurt by seeing me throw my life away. Things aren't all perfect now, but they never have been and probably never will be. Life is much more enjoyable when I'm not constantly seeking the next fix, running from WDs and chasing the high that never lasts.