hoosierbob
Greenlighter
If you know what a Hoosier is, you probably live here too. Well, that's not true necessarily. I was born one and I am still not sure exactly what one is. I even live in the heart of Hoosier pride, where one of the largest universities in the state uses the word for their team mascot, and the best you can hope for by way of an explanation is a few folk tales that don't really seem too plausible.
Anyway, my name is Bob and I am a recovering IV heroin user. I am also an alcoholic and pot head, but I have been clean from everything but Suboxone for about a year and a half. This is the longest clean period of my adult life, and right now I have to say it sucks balls. That's because I am constantly in pain from a crushed nerve in my lower back (in the L4 and L5 region) and a massive amount of pain in my knees, which hurts constantly except for about every ten or fifteen minutes when it hurts even worse for about 15 to 30 seconds. It literally feels like someone is trying to rip my knee caps right off of my legs.
Of course, being that I have been completely up front and honest with all the doctors I have seen about my addiction recovery, no one will touch me as a patient. In fact I just came from the emergency room a few minutes ago because I woke up around 3 a.m. from the worst pain I have felt since I last passed a kidney stone, and they did exactly nothing for me. They didn't even bother to try to diagnose the cause, let alone try to treat it.
Normally I am glad to be drug free, but after these past few years of increasing back pain, and especially these last few months, I am starting to regret ever being so honest with my doctors. I am basically being punished for something I did years ago by not being treated for the pain I am in now. Ironically, I have never been a "seeker". Not one time when I was actively using did I ever lie to a doctor or exaggerate an injury in order to score pain pills. Not saying I am too morally superior to do so, just never did. For one thing, I have a hard enough time expressing the pain I am in when I am in severe pain cause I have taught myself over many years of childhood abuses and neglect to not let on when I am in pain or in a weakened condition. So I never had enough confidence in my acting ability to try to convince anyone I was in pain when i wasn't. The other irony is that if i wasn't addicted to opiates, they would have no ethical dilemma putting me on them and letting me get addicted to them. WTF? I wonder what any one of these doctors would do if they happened to find themselves or a loved one in a great amount of pain but knew they were already addicted to opiates? I know what they'd do: they write themselves or their loved ones a fucking script and help them get some relief STAT, as they say. C'est la vie.
If anything, let my tale be a cautionary one for those of you considering getting hooked on heroin or other opiates. If you do, and you survive, then one day you get clean and you have an accident or develop a chronic condition, then you get to live in bed in constant pain and unable to walk or even stand for more than five or ten minutes because no one will give a shit. No one except your loved ones who have to stand by an watch you be in pain and have nothing they can do about it. Good times, eh?
Well sorry to vent all this crap in my intro. Like I said, I just came from the ER, s its whats on my mind. I appreciate BL for being here so that I can be open and honest about my recovery and addiction and how In am really feeling about it. There aren't many places I can do that. Thanks, and Peace to All.
Anyway, my name is Bob and I am a recovering IV heroin user. I am also an alcoholic and pot head, but I have been clean from everything but Suboxone for about a year and a half. This is the longest clean period of my adult life, and right now I have to say it sucks balls. That's because I am constantly in pain from a crushed nerve in my lower back (in the L4 and L5 region) and a massive amount of pain in my knees, which hurts constantly except for about every ten or fifteen minutes when it hurts even worse for about 15 to 30 seconds. It literally feels like someone is trying to rip my knee caps right off of my legs.
Of course, being that I have been completely up front and honest with all the doctors I have seen about my addiction recovery, no one will touch me as a patient. In fact I just came from the emergency room a few minutes ago because I woke up around 3 a.m. from the worst pain I have felt since I last passed a kidney stone, and they did exactly nothing for me. They didn't even bother to try to diagnose the cause, let alone try to treat it.
Normally I am glad to be drug free, but after these past few years of increasing back pain, and especially these last few months, I am starting to regret ever being so honest with my doctors. I am basically being punished for something I did years ago by not being treated for the pain I am in now. Ironically, I have never been a "seeker". Not one time when I was actively using did I ever lie to a doctor or exaggerate an injury in order to score pain pills. Not saying I am too morally superior to do so, just never did. For one thing, I have a hard enough time expressing the pain I am in when I am in severe pain cause I have taught myself over many years of childhood abuses and neglect to not let on when I am in pain or in a weakened condition. So I never had enough confidence in my acting ability to try to convince anyone I was in pain when i wasn't. The other irony is that if i wasn't addicted to opiates, they would have no ethical dilemma putting me on them and letting me get addicted to them. WTF? I wonder what any one of these doctors would do if they happened to find themselves or a loved one in a great amount of pain but knew they were already addicted to opiates? I know what they'd do: they write themselves or their loved ones a fucking script and help them get some relief STAT, as they say. C'est la vie.
If anything, let my tale be a cautionary one for those of you considering getting hooked on heroin or other opiates. If you do, and you survive, then one day you get clean and you have an accident or develop a chronic condition, then you get to live in bed in constant pain and unable to walk or even stand for more than five or ten minutes because no one will give a shit. No one except your loved ones who have to stand by an watch you be in pain and have nothing they can do about it. Good times, eh?
Well sorry to vent all this crap in my intro. Like I said, I just came from the ER, s its whats on my mind. I appreciate BL for being here so that I can be open and honest about my recovery and addiction and how In am really feeling about it. There aren't many places I can do that. Thanks, and Peace to All.
