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how to STAY off heroin...for LIFE?!

crimsonjunk said:
It wont accomplish anything really. I don't know its just something I have to tell myself. I have a love affair with her you know? That 10 minute period where everything is right in my soul is seductive. Plus I am already addicted to opiates. I just have a government approved addiction right now.

I can relate to wanting to die. I think its a pretty common PTSD symptom.
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To be fair, maybe you're using ORT just to stay addicted, but for many people ORT is a means to get clean, though it's OK whatever you choose to do with it, it's your body, your life. :)

I just hate to see people say and think these things because, trust me, after those 10 minutes are up, hell even if you feel great for 4 to 12 hours...eventually it wears off, and you'll have re-awoken the beast.

Then all hell breaks loose, you (not you specifically but this could happen to anyone) end up doing too much, overdosing, getting ripped off by dealers, getting arrested, waking up in the ER, watching your friends and loved ones try to help you to no effect, watching your friends and loved ones use and overdose and die before you do (and you will feel guilty if you turn someone on to it and they die before you, you will never live that down)...

...you crash your fifth car in six months (happened to my ex's brother), you rip off your friends and family for all they're worth, you walk out on your intervention knowing you'll never have friends or family by your side ever again, you end up selling your body for drugs, you end up going to the soup kitchen on skid row every day after copping...

...you get tired of the rain and cold, so you go to a homeless shelter and end up with bed bugs, scabies, roaches...

...you black out on top of the roof of a three floor building, and when you fall flat on your back and your parents are called they don't show up because they are tired of your shit and couldn't care less what happens to you anymore... (this happened to a friend of mine) ...

...your HIV/Hep C test comes back...

...you load up as much heroin into the rig as you can fit and afford and *surprise, surprise!* it isn't enough to commit suicide....

there's new lows you don't want to hit, would be the point of this post.

again, all <3 brother, I just want what's best for everyone <3 <3 <3
 
You didn't like something about your life before you did drugs. Thats why you do them. Once you get off, you feel that shittiness again and you don't like it even more now because your brain knows what drugs feel like.

This is why you have to work really hard and take every opportunity you can get to build a happy and healthy life. Then you will not be craving the drugs so much because you will love your life as it is more than drugs. That is whats happening to me. I like sobriety now. Its hard, and often boring and yeah just not the heroin lifestyle obviously. However, I appreciate not suffering. I suffered so much man. I just don't want to suffer anymore like that. I'd rather be bored out of my fuckin face than suffer like that. Fuck I'd probably rather be doing anything than suffer like that. I'm sober now after 7 years IV heroin, and 3.5 years methadone. Was at 90mgs methadone and very slowly went down to 0.
 
wow. thanx for everyone's input. for real.

i think this time around, honestly the meth i was using...i think i did something to my brain this time around. i dont feel the same. i get really bad depression, and extreme anxiety. ive always had depression and anxiety but not like this...its weird.

im 90 days clean from IV herion and meth. and still not happy. im on methadone. it helps, yeah. but was getting on methadone a mistake?

i miss heroin. im not gonna lie. i miss the whole ritual. some days are harder than others. but i suffered, fuck yes i suffered.

i have felonies on my record, i was homeless [literally. i slept on the streets in the snow, the rain, the cold] i sold my body, ive been to jail more than 6 times, i lost my familys trust, ive lost friends, ive been a victim of human sex trafficking, i was a prostitute/escort, i have hepatitis now, ive overdosed, ive wrecked cars, etc. etc...

why is this not enough for me to hate drugs? i dont get myself sometimes. why do i still STILL have the desire, the urge to get high?

i have depression, ocd, ptsd, anxiety. the drugs helped at first but eventually, nah...werent doin shit really. i was numb for years. sometimes i want to be numb. i dont know what i want. i want to be happy, but i dont know what that is.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
To be fair, maybe you're using ORT just to stay addicted, but for many people ORT is a means to get clean, though it's OK whatever you choose to do with it, it's your body, your life. :)

I just hate to see people say and think these things because, trust me, after those 10 minutes are up, hell even if you feel great for 4 to 12 hours...eventually it wears off, and you'll have re-awoken the beast.

Then all hell breaks loose, you (not you specifically but this could happen to anyone) end up doing too much, overdosing, getting ripped off by dealers, getting arrested, waking up in the ER, watching your friends and loved ones try to help you to no effect, watching your friends and loved ones use and overdose and die before you do (and you will feel guilty if you turn someone on to it and they die before you, you will never live that down)...

...you crash your fifth car in six months (happened to my ex's brother), you rip off your friends and family for all they're worth, you walk out on your intervention knowing you'll never have friends or family by your side ever again, you end up selling your body for drugs, you end up going to the soup kitchen on skid row every day after copping...

...you get tired of the rain and cold, so you go to a homeless shelter and end up with bed bugs, scabies, roaches...

...you black out on top of the roof of a three floor building, and when you fall flat on your back and your parents are called they don't show up because they are tired of your shit and couldn't care less what happens to you anymore... (this happened to a friend of mine) ...

...your HIV/Hep C test comes back...

...you load up as much heroin into the rig as you can fit and afford and *surprise, surprise!* it isn't enough to commit suicide....

there's new lows you don't want to hit, would be the point of this post.

again, all <3 brother, I just want what's best for everyone <3 <3 <3
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you just described my life. It truly is pretty bad shit. Especially the suicide one...I had 26 bags, and it ended up being bunk.

However, you know you can always go lower. For some it doesn't just turn the volume down, it turns the volume off. You don't grow emotionally or spiritually and you are in a time capsule of self loathing.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
To be fair, maybe you're using ORT just to stay addicted, but for many people ORT is a means to get clean, though it's OK whatever you choose to do with it, it's your body, your life. :)

I just hate to see people say and think these things because, trust me, after those 10 minutes are up, hell even if you feel great for 4 to 12 hours...eventually it wears off, and you'll have re-awoken the beast.

Then all hell breaks loose, you (not you specifically but this could happen to anyone) end up doing too much, overdosing, getting ripped off by dealers, getting arrested, waking up in the ER, watching your friends and loved ones try to help you to no effect, watching your friends and loved ones use and overdose and die before you do (and you will feel guilty if you turn someone on to it and they die before you, you will never live that down)...

...you crash your fifth car in six months (happened to my ex's brother), you rip off your friends and family for all they're worth, you walk out on your intervention knowing you'll never have friends or family by your side ever again, you end up selling your body for drugs, you end up going to the soup kitchen on skid row every day after copping...

...you get tired of the rain and cold, so you go to a homeless shelter and end up with bed bugs, scabies, roaches...

...you black out on top of the roof of a three floor building, and when you fall flat on your back and your parents are called they don't show up because they are tired of your shit and couldn't care less what happens to you anymore... (this happened to a friend of mine) ...

...your HIV/Hep C test comes back...

...you load up as much heroin into the rig as you can fit and afford and *surprise, surprise!* it isn't enough to commit suicide....

there's new lows you don't want to hit, would be the point of this post.

again, all <3 brother, I just want what's best for everyone <3 <3 <3
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I have honestly experienced the majority of that shit. Especially the suicide part. The day I realized opiates where not going to kill me was fucking depressing.

I think your drawing a distinction that doesn't exist with ORT. Some are just better at rationalization than others. A few will get off at 2 years and make it but most of us are just kinda stuck in limbo. Tolerance too high to go backwards down the opiate ladder so we eat benzos and smoke shatter praying the monkey leaves us alone for a while. Maybe I am just cynical but the clinic really does feel like junkie limbo. No highs no lows just flat monotony. I know I advocate hard for ORT on here because it stops the deaths and I am so sick of hearing about young kids dying from this shit. Cause I think about there mom having the priest and sheriff come to the door. You don't forget the primal scream of a mother losing her child. Then looking into there eyes at the funeral glassed over from grief and benzos the smeared mascara on the moms face. The whole time thinking fuck man I just want to get high and escape this shit.

But whatever my dose is starting to kick in so I will stop bitching. I just had to express that sorry for the thread derail OP
 
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the way you stay off forever is by not thinking about forever. You truly have to live the "one day at a time" mantra

in my mind I say that one day I will use heroin again if I want but for today I will not. Thinking about staying clean forever, although may seem like a positive way to think, in all reality it'll just freak an addict out and make them crave the drug even more thinking "no way will I be able to stay clean forever, so fuck it I might as well use today.'

this is just what helps me so maybe itll help you. Thinking about the past, which is already done, where you cant do anything about it, as it's already happened will only effect you in a negative way. Thinking into the future like you are with the whole "not using forever" will only effect you in a negative way. All you should be thinking about is the present. Live in the NOW. Fuck thinking about forever you make sure you don't use this second, this minute, this hour, this day, and as time goes by it WILL GET EASIER. Don't hurt yourself by stressing over something that is not happening in this exact moment.

take care my friend. I know its a long tiring road, but it will pay off. And hey, if not then you know what, maybe you'll use again someday but NOT TODAY. And today is all you have to think about.

I hope I wasn't to all over the place, I just wanted to give ya some food for thought.

PE@CE FROM NY
 
hell ya. thank you, nygiants. i feel ya on the not thinking about forever thing. i shouldn't be putting that in my head at all. cause thats way too overwhelming.

just for today...one day at a time. i used to hate those stupid sayings or mottos. but, it's truth. just for today, i will not use heroin.

thanks everyone. <3 much love.
 
alovexsopure said:
hell ya. thank you, nygiants. i feel ya on the not thinking about forever thing. i shouldn't be putting that in my head at all. cause thats way too overwhelming.

just for today...one day at a time. i used to hate those stupid sayings or mottos. but, it's truth. just for today, i will not use heroin.

thanks everyone. <3 much love.
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You can enjoy a happy life without the shit opiates. That stuff is reserved for end of life when you're passing away. I can imagine myself in a hospital or at home with the Dilaudid IV going non-stop. But it's sth I don't want to have a bar of anymore unless I am dieing. Leave it for then - you don't need or actually want it in your life now. I try to hypnotise myself into this mindframe. When I get a craving I repeat over and over the fact that I don't want the pain of opiates in my life.
 
alovexsopure said:
hell ya. thank you, nygiants. i feel ya on the not thinking about forever thing. i shouldn't be putting that in my head at all. cause thats way too overwhelming.

just for today...one day at a time. i used to hate those stupid sayings or mottos. but, it's truth. just for today, i will not use heroin.

thanks everyone. <3 much love.
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Happy new year man, and I hope all is going well for you. :)
 
I also have PTSD and my heart goes out to those who have it.

I think part of the problem may be you liked methamphetamine a lot if I read your post correct? I wasn't even that committed last time I was on MMT and stayed mostly away from dope- my family pushed me away from the MMT as I still dabbled in other things, wasn't really working or studying, etc.

Now I am going on MMT again and am determined to do this shit (also my family is behind me being on it). I want to do my MMT, go to AA/NA, and study for a career in IT (hopefully eventually computer security or linux systems administration but I have a LONG way to go). At 125mgs I imagine you'd have to have some killer dope to feel it. When I was on 90 I couldn't feel a thing. Makes me wonder if they could do some sort of similar stim treatment (like with the methadone would be a stim with a half-life that would carry you through the day but would allow you to sleep at night, and could come up differently on tests than commonly available ones and the dosage would be controlled (could it somehow even block other stims?)).
 
JM357 said:
I also have PTSD and my heart goes out to those who have it.

I think part of the problem may be you liked methamphetamine a lot if I read your post correct? I wasn't even that committed last time I was on MMT and stayed mostly away from dope- my family pushed me away from the MMT as I still dabbled in other things, wasn't really working or studying, etc.

Now I am going on MMT again and am determined to do this shit (also my family is behind me being on it). I want to do my MMT, go to AA/NA, and study for a career in IT (hopefully eventually computer security or linux systems administration but I have a LONG way to go). At 125mgs I imagine you'd have to have some killer dope to feel it. When I was on 90 I couldn't feel a thing. Makes me wonder if they could do some sort of similar stim treatment (like with the methadone would be a stim with a half-life that would carry you through the day but would allow you to sleep at night, and could come up differently on tests than commonly available ones and the dosage would be controlled (could it somehow even block other stims?)).
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I was also wondering this for my brother. In the name of harm minimization they should scrip dextroamphetamine XR or amphetamine salts XR for proven, long-term meth addicts. It will happen with time. I heard they have run multiyear trials in Australia (the Government) with promising results. It will happen there very soon and then the US could be next.
 
I've known some people who've been prescribed amps for ADD/ADHD and eventually moved on to meth. For such people I think there may be a pretty good argument for maintenance drug therapy, probably Dexedrine XR would be good. (In the clinical trials I saw, they used Vyvanse.)

I came from a background of using Adderall/Dexedrine (not prescribed) before settling on meth too, although my reasons for using the drugs were purely hedonistic, mostly...not sure if maintenance therapy could really be applied to speed. The reason being that you can easily stack meth on top of plain dextroamphetamine and get high (whereas this is not the case if you try to use heroin while on methadone, by comparison.) One thing that's unfortunate about meth is the fact that it jacks your tolerance up SO HIGH AND SO FAST that taking regular pharmaceutical amphetamine no longer feels like anything, unless you take a very high amount.
 
Have any u guys been on vivitrol? And what were the side affects? Would u recommend taking it?
 
I am only clean now for a little over a week, no methadone or sub, and i dont know if i can handle being sober everyday. Like you said, (alovexsopure) Its been so long i dont know what happy is anymore. When i was using, i would say that i just wanted to wake up and feel normal but now that im clean, i still dont like the way i feel. Is this gonna go away? I know its gonna take a lot longer than a week for my body to ever be normal after all the years i abused it, i just hope i can hang in there while im in the early stage of recovery. I know it will eventually get easier and if i use now then i will just go right back to where i was and have to detox all over again and my family, friends, work, etc. will not give me any more chances, ive already relapsed after being on subs for 3 yrs. I just gotta keep reminding myself of everything i will loose and all the pain that shit put me through. I think we all are chasing that 1st high but do we ever catch it???? I know I havent and im done trying!!
 
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