How to spot "overconfidence" and "insecurities" in ones self

[Jabberwocky]

I know I will probably have to pay the price for this one day.

That's part of my fear of overlooking things if I were to not analyze and perspective take.

You mean you would like to recognize your overconfidence / insecurity the moment your doing something, instead of three hours or so later?

Instead of having blind spots yes. I'm still figure them out. The life long ones.

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

I've been very confident in school I just started. Yesterday my psyche collapsed when I got trigger of past psychological and physical abuse. There was absolutely no abuse happening that moment. The trauma involved co-operation with one guy. I was shaking, hyperventilating and crying and I felt insane panic and I wanted to get fuck off, leaving all my belongings there, and buy a case of beer. Then I rationalized, went to eat my free school lunch and got back to it and it was o.k. I could have not expressed to anyone there, how little thing that seemed completely insignificant, completely unstabilized me.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I've been very confident in school I just started. Yesterday my psyche collapsed when I got trigger of past psychological and physical abuse. There was absolutely no abuse happening that moment. The trauma involved co-operation with one guy. I was shaking, hyperventilating and crying and I felt insane panic and I wanted to get fuck off, leaving all my belongings there, and buy a case of beer. Then I rationalized, went to eat my free school lunch and got back to it and it was o.k. I could have not expressed to anyone there, how little thing that seemed completely insignificant, completely unstabilized me.

What do you take away from that?

Is that just a situation to avoid, or do you know what measures you can take to mitigate the risk of ending up in a situation like that / healthy ways to cope?

 

[l41n]

i wanted to add i had a realisation around the pattern of addiction today which is relevant to the conversation

which came from my psych, and it's 'soothing techniques'

my DOC is weed, so i go towards it to soothe me when i am in turbulence.

but there is always the opportunity each day to move towards soothing techniques which are less powerful but more sustainable.

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

What do you take away from that?

Everyone is fragile but people have capacity to work attempting to keep themselves together.

 

[-=SS=-]

The only way I know how to apply a label to something that I experience on a sliding scale with no intrinsic value, is to compare myself to the average.

You can't measure the average because we don't know where the ends of the scale are, truly speaking. That is, we don't know what our maximum potential is as human beings. A couple centuries ago the average person was an illiterate serf, and made to feel like garbage by their superiors who in todays world would just be the equivalent of some balding fat loser with a bad attitude in a human resources department of some mediocre corporation.

The only thing that holds a person up is themselves. Don't ever sell your self-worth away to the exterior appearances of other people. If you have faith in one thing in this life, it has to be you. Not the personality as such, but whatever it is that is driving you, underneath all your flaws and excellencies.

Have faith in your ability to correct any over-confidence upon reflection. Don't second guess yourself in the moment, that may cost you your life one day. Better to look a fool jumping out the way of a car you thought was going to crash into you, than debate whether you'd look like a fool and end up reacting too late.

The fact that you're even asking the initial question shows you possess the ability of self-reflection. Your actual issue is self-doubt.

 

[Jabberwocky]

but there is always the opportunity each day to move towards soothing techniques which are less powerful but more sustainable.

Yes. And more sustainable is the key. We only know what we know so try the tough road of less immediate gratification because, one small positive intentional move after another, and things will become more clear, literally in your mind and also figuratively as your perspective

You can't measure the average because we don't know where the ends of the scale are, truly speaking. That is, we don't know what our maximum potential is as human beings. A couple centuries ago the average person was an illiterate serf, and made to feel like garbage by their superiors who in todays world would just be the equivalent of some balding fat loser with a bad attitude in a human resources department of some mediocre corporation.

The only thing that holds a person up is themselves. Don't ever sell your self-worth away to the exterior appearances of other people. If you have faith in one thing in this life, it has to be you. Not the personality as such, but whatever it is that is driving you, underneath all your flaws and excellencies.

Have faith in your ability to correct any over-confidence upon reflection. Don't second guess yourself in the moment, that may cost you your life one day. Better to look a fool jumping out the way of a car you thought was going to crash into you, than debate whether you'd look like a fool and end up reacting too late.

The fact that you're even asking the initial question shows you possess the ability of self-reflection. Your actual issue is self-doubt.

Such a good reminder - often in the car my gf gets so afraid of my driving at times, but I've said to her something similar about two confused people is infinitly worse than one confused person and another making a bold move.

I think the takeaway here is, it's okay for me to be a certain way in the eyes of others. A way that I may not think is accurate. But that isn't necessarily for them to know, likely they don't even care, and I can always reflect back.

Reading what you wrote it seems like the confidence and doubt can be balanced by in the moment vs out the moment.

I wonder @-=SS=- , do you think there are reasons to be analytical in the moment too? Like what the hell is mindfulness anyway. Is it going with the flow, or noticing things analytically from a birds eye view, or both?

 

[lecroute]

My day started out shitty. Woke up not feeling my best to begin with, but then my neighbor closed and locked the gate with me outside, and I had no key. No phone. I had to climb over the wall like a petty thief. I wrote his GF a message, trying to keep it as polite as possible. Then I got a delivery and had to go out to the van because they had the pay machine thing charging. that's when the neighbor's GF came back and I got her closing that damn gate AGAIN with the lock, and me outside in my crocs and no keys. So that's a moment when I lost it. I mean, I don't get loud or violent, but I get very serious and intense and people do notice it.

Now, like 20 minutes later, I think that I could have just not said a thing. After all, I got in the second time, so nothing bad happened and I have to live with these people for at least a few more months until they move. But things happened as they did, and the only thing I can do now is to hold myself back even more next time, and forget about the whole thing. Because there are more important (and fun/rewarding) things to think about.

That's an example on how I got about evaluating my feelings and behavior, and what I want to do better next time (if at all)

P.S. This fucking gate! I didn't keep the dudes out who robbed us, I didn't even keep me out. Don't know why everybody here insists on locking the dan thing.

 

[kiely]

My day started out shitty. Woke up not feeling my best to begin with, but then my neighbor closed and locked the gate with me outside, and I had no key.

Your neighbors sound really scary or . . . numb brains.

Sorry. You are going to be alright. But I do hope that they move soon. They seem useless.

Just be you. I hope you stay safe. I really do think you will be fine. They're probably just so lost.

Wow sorry you had to go through that. Kind of awful to say the least. Take Care.

 

[Jabberwocky]

My day started out shitty. Woke up not feeling my best to begin with, but then my neighbor closed and locked the gate with me outside, and I had no key. No phone. I had to climb over the wall like a petty thief. I wrote his GF a message, trying to keep it as polite as possible. Then I got a delivery and had to go out to the van because they had the pay machine thing charging. that's when the neighbor's GF came back and I got her closing that damn gate AGAIN with the lock, and me outside in my crocs and no keys. So that's a moment when I lost it. I mean, I don't get loud or violent, but I get very serious and intense and people do notice it.

Now, like 20 minutes later, I think that I could have just not said a thing. After all, I got in the second time, so nothing bad happened and I have to live with these people for at least a few more months until they move. But things happened as they did, and the only thing I can do now is to hold myself back even more next time, and forget about the whole thing. Because there are more important (and fun/rewarding) things to think about.

That's an example on how I got about evaluating my feelings and behavior, and what I want to do better next time (if at all)

P.S. This fucking gate! I didn't keep the dudes out who robbed us, I didn't even keep me out. Don't know why everybody here insists on locking the dan thing.

Yeah I feel like a gate is almost inviting a challenger or saying you have something

But holding yourself back why? Because you were in the wrong?

 

[kiely]

omg i forgot. i had to climb over those gates before too. it seems like they are made to climb over. they are made like that. i didn't have a key either.

but yeh i climbed over it. not that easy but if you have to.

 

[Jabberwocky]

The diamonds are almost the best physical shape to climb. I remember in boy scouts we learned triangles can hold lots of weight.

 

[-=SS=-]

Such a good reminder - often in the car my gf gets so afraid of my driving at times, but I've said to her something similar about two confused people is infinitely worse than one confused person and another making a bold move.

Unless it's a "watch out!" moment, I disregard any criticism until after I've finished driving, and I do it automatically without hesitation or flinching. Not because I know my driving is without fault, it isn't, but because I know that if I go inside my own head even for a second to contemplate the validity of the criticism I am taking my attention inwards instead of being outwards on the road.

I hate people who ask questions or instil any sort of doubt when driving, when approaching say a junction or some scenario where you do need to think inwardly for a brief moment.. but you can't do your own and their calculation simultaneously. They know at some level they're fucking your attention. Women have a habit of doing this, the 'shit test'. Which is fine, it's natural and often unintentional, but again.. disregard until I'm done doing what I have to. And then call them out on it (or they'll do it again) - especially with female partners, you have to call them out and logic them into not doing that shit again.

Reading what you wrote it seems like the confidence and doubt can be balanced by in the moment vs out the moment.

For me personally, it took me some time to learn how. But ultimately what it boils down to though is not really learning, because you already know it (your self), it's more getting out of your own way and just having faith in your own ability. Not allowing others to gaslight you, instil doubt or fear, or try to fuck with your attention (intentionally or unintentionally).

I'm reminded of the TED talk by Apollo Robbins, a pick pocket, on 'misdirection'. I think that fits into this discussion. He is someone who has mastered the ability to be confident while respecting the 'flow' of doubt (the other persons own awareness). I'm not sure how to word it into this discussion, I'm busy at the moment, but I feel there's something in there that might add to your contemplations.

I wonder @-=SS=- , do you think there are reasons to be analytical in the moment too? Like what the hell is mindfulness anyway. Is it going with the flow, or noticing things analytically from a birds eye view, or both?

I guess it depends on what you're doing, and how much you can afford to have your attention 'inside' and for how long i.e. the driver, the fighter pilot, etc, versus the academic sitting at a desk under no pressure.

In real world scenarios as it were, I think intuition is far more valuable than pure analytical thinking. There is no accurate definition of what intuition is, but as revealed by hypnosis the brain/awareness is actually capable of processing and storing so much more than we perceive in our narrow moment to moment view of things, and intuition (to me) is in part the ability to access that almost instantaneous high-level computational ability that is going on in the background all the time. EDIT: This sort of feeds into the pick pocket thing.. you're not going to analytically recognise what's happening, you don't even have time to, but you could recognise it with intuition as it's happening.

I forget who said it, but the mind can never perceive (think of) the infinite, but the mind can become infinite. Obviously this discussion is bridging psychology, philosophy, and ontology, so everyone has their own interpretation of things, so ultimately again what it really boils down to is you having faith in you. Only you know the inside of your head, only you know how to navigate it, and only you hold yourself up.

Not sure where I'm going with this, but hoping some of this mud will stick to the walls.

 

[Jabberwocky]

and intuition (to me) is in part the ability to access that almost instantaneous high-level computational ability that is going on in the background all the time. EDIT: This sort of feeds into the pick pocket thing.. you're not going to analytically recognise what's happening, you don't even have time to, but you could recognise it with intuition as it's happening.

Interesting way to word that. I've never thought about it like that.

Maybe this is relevant: I wonder how often people try to purposely remember things without making notes for example?

I find that some of my interesting aspects tend to come from places that I can't necessarily define

 

[lecroute]

But holding yourself back why? Because you were in the wrong?

Not because in the wrong. But because it wouldn't accomplish anything other than alienating people I will have to share a a gate. I mena, I made my point clear. There was no reason to tell her that it was because of his BF that I had an unexpected nighty visit from armed dudes.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@lecroute Right like she should know.

Which means she should be able to read your body language regarding that it effects you too and your feelings are just as valid as hers

 

[lecroute]

Interesting way to word that. I've never thought about it like that.

Interesting discussion here I def want to follow when I'm not on benzos and trying to write some pecs for work.

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

At least two of my relatives are excited about this new government we are having, possibly many more (they are breeding like rabbits). About the most fascist and racist possible government in my country. They expressed that in whatsapp group.

I was just stupified. Now, I could have said something about it, but I doubt it would have been anything sensible. I wonder if I should have tried. I don't know. Sometimes I think being right and expressing it is overrated. I have a lot on my plate anyway. Pick up your fights.

Sometimes someone claims I have mistaken or done wrong. It often turns me into defensive as immediate reaction. It might feel like it implies I am defective. This is dichotomy. But sometimes I can make 180 and turn into agreeing about the matter. It might take few hours or few days tho'.

 

[-=SS=-]

Maybe this is relevant: I wonder how often people try to purposely remember things without making notes for example? I find that some of my interesting aspects tend to come from places that I can't necessarily define

Do we purposefully remember at all, or even purposefully do things at all? Perhaps we give ourselves too much credit for such things, and conversely lay blame when things may be more automatic than we know. What even is a memory, and where is it located. Organ donor recipients, particularly of the heart, have been known to inherit personality traits (memories) of the donor. Out of body experience shouldn't even be possible, but they are, which shows that perception and memory are more than just flesh bound occurrences. Accident victims who suffer cranial impacts can awaken with the ability to speak languages they never learned. Etc.

There's an autistic savant who can 'remember' entire skylines from brief exposure and draw them pretty accurately. Nikola Tesla was able to construct and run experiments in his mind, accurately. There's lots of these stories, from receiving poetry (I have had this experience), to beautiful music/sounds, all sorts of inspirations that seemingly appear out of nothing. I don't think these examples would be possible by purposeful intention by a limited analytical mind, but only by connecting or immersion within some sort of astral fabric perhaps, or a universal mind, where all is contained already.

Something I've realized recently. When I'll think of something and want to remember it, then forget what it was because my mind is jumping all over the place. If I purposefully try to remember it, I won't. I can try tracing my steps backwards, which sometimes works if I can remember all the steps. But, I realized that if I just stop thinking, let my mind go completely blank, and wait for the answer.. the answer will present itself. Without any effort on my part. Now is that a universal mind? Or a higher self? I made no analytical effort to reach for it, but it was presented to me, and it feels like it is presented as well.. and not just mere subconscious activity.
One could go into detail with concept structures and personal opinions, but I prefer the simple question answer dialogue of Ramana Maharshi to elucidate how I feel about it all;

D.: So it is a great game of pretending?
R. Maharshi.: Yes. In Yoga Vasishtha it is said, “What is Real is hidden from us, but what is false, is revealed as true.” We are actually experiencing the Reality only; still, we do not know it. Is it not a wonder of wonders? The quest “Who am I?” is the axe with which to cut off the ego.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@-=SS=- - that's interesting about the universal mind..

Now call me paranoid, but some times, especially when smoking weed, I find that the world around me is seemingly responding to or more so perpetuating my vibes. The whole "when it rains it pours" and also the one about sunshine, I find the flow of positivity or negativity can alter very quickly and seems to be more universal than I think.

There's no chance that every single person, blow of the wind and move of a cloud is listening to my thoughts, but I have recently been getting the feeling that we create our own reality through the message that we give off to the world around us.

Which troubles me when I find I am a bit of a quirky person in ways. Sometimes I don't even know my mood state. Or intentions. So how the hell could anyone else.