How to replicate the attraction consistently...

[theredone]

Sitting here on campus during almost whole day, every week...
I never call mates to agree in advance to do the lunch together and shit...And makes no sense. And beside if I spend too much time continuosly with the same people I get bored. Or even worse I might become similar to them, and well I don't want to be similar.
Once in the canteen, I almost always find someone who I know either way there and we sit together. Sometimes I get bored with the other person talking about what everyone talks about - courses, exams, etc. Sometimes they bait me into talking too much about myself and realize that they are not disclosing anything personal about them, at that point I usually stop and feel stupid or cheated, or just start reflecting about how it's so intresting that the people are so abundant but still it's so difficult to really connect with them. Stupid society of weak ties and superficial friendships, just to fill my already busy brain with more names to remember. Sometimes I even talk to a person who recognizes me, but I don't even know his name, where I met him/her and stuff, I don't have a freaking clue who is he or she.

Narrowing the reasoning more, I am particulary intrested (obviously ) about the female part of the crowd. Narrowing it even more, about specific specimens with certain physical and personality aspects.
Sitting in the table together with 3 average-looking girls I just randomly met there today (since there was no other table free, so how we in the end depend a lot on 'chance' and logistical circumstances) I am quietly reflecting on my feeling of superiority since I believe I am better looking than my table-femates.
Makes me quite relaxed but also disintrested. I listen to their conversation about various courses and study methods, recent news and stuff. I frankly do not care. I mean, everything I might contribute to that topic is 'yeah it's true.'
I just realize how much effort you need just to have a successful conversation and how much of it depends on 'chance' like what is the topic, and how proficient are the other people to involve you in there or respond to you when you might start a new topic.
Going one level further, is the spark or chemistry between people. How to ignite it on purpose, methodicaly, every time? How really important is the logistical or 'pure luck' part of the story? Might make you think about The Hitch movie, but it's a real issue.
What is that what makes for an attraction between people to happen? And how is it possible to have so many people around, but still some difficulties about meeting and really connecting with them, because everyone is so busy, wants to just eat his lunch and go meet the old crowd for the sushi...The old crowd. Old rut. They feel good there?

Frankly for my birthday I didn't invite anyone who I know good or who I meet frequently. There is no point, I meet them either way too often, no incentives.
I invited mostly people I know superficialy, on purpose, to get to know them better. As expected just a few people showed up. I ended up slashing the cost of the party substantialy and quite happy I filtered out some more adventurous persons than others. Smart, what you say?

 

[p0ly]

I like your philosophizing but if you wanna branch out and meet more people and have better conversations which go somewhere you have to be interested and it seems you aren't.

 

[theredone]

I like your philosophizing but if you wanna branch out and meet more people and have better conversations which go somewhere you have to be interested and it seems you aren't.

Haha yes, one part of the answer is there, but the real problem is the initial contact.

Just returned from a lunch break. I was sitting, again by chance, next to a some old man (strange enough for a campus lol?)...Who just after about 5 minutes of silence out of the blue asked 'Where do you live?'. Even I was surprised by that inquiry, but understanding his need to make a random surveys or whatever around, I answered him, and he then started asking some more questions. Do I have roommates? How many? Do I get along with them good? How much money I spend a month?...etc.
I mean if the questions were posed by a friend who I knew for a long time it would be ok, but somehow I felt at unease, there was simply someththing wrong there in the tone of his voice, strange pauses he was making between questions, and the fact that he was not providing any details about himself or relating in any way to my answers. Probably noticing my accent, at the end he asked me a question everyone in this shitty country makes, 'Where are you coming from?'. I answered, he nodded, and stopped asking any further questions.

That uneasiness in the process, where is it coming from? And since people rely less and less on one another, there is simply no point and reason to communication, and that's why I am able to sit here for 12 hours a day and not even open my mouth! There is at the moment 30 people around me studying, playing on iPad, or just wandering around. What kind of incentive I have to talk to them? And even more important what kind of incentive they have to talk to me? Sure enough if I was the president, everyone would be glad to talk and ask me a bunch of questions. But, removed any particular explicit demonstration of value, they have no incentives and thus no motivation to go through initial "uneasiness".