How to reconcile desire to get high with desire to live life?

[The Thought Police]

I started smoking cannabis 3 years ago, and have been smoking multiple times a day since. However, ever since starting, I've felt divided. Part of me wants more in life other than sitting in front of the computer and blazing, but the other part of me says that the high just feels too damn good. Dating, hobbies, family... nothing makes me feel as good as cannabis does. And so the stoner part of me says, if happiness is the goal of my life, and cannabis provides the most happiness, what's the problem?

My question is: how do I / how did you reconcile these two sides of yourself?

 

[RedLeader]

What happens if you smoke but then get up from the computer and go out into the world? Can you handle yourself? Or is it that the only thing that you can really handle while high is interacting with the world from behind a computer screen? Lots of people use weed responsibly. I don't say that in an effort to justify drug use, ether. Tons of people in society, people who have families and interesting lifestyles, have positive relationships with weed. At first, it can be extremely overwhelming trying to go out and do stuff in the world while high. I know how anxious/paranoid it can make me. But I do think that you can get used to it, and if you've had enough sleep and aren't using other drugs at the same time, you can learn to do pretty much anything high (aside from things like driving that could endanger others, of course). And you'll meet other people who smoke, and you can go out in groups and not be anxious about being the stoned guy and what people think.

Or you give it up and you go out and get those things sober. But don't kid yourself into thinking that with those things, you'll be happy and that the reasons you like smoking in the first place will evaporate. No, it doesn't work that way. But the longer you are away from it, the harder it will be to remember what the high is like, and the easier it will be to stay away.

 

[The Thought Police]

Thanks for the reply. The problem is for me, I'm just not good at socializing when high, and in fact all I really want to do when high is sit at my computer. Right now, my life is pretty unbalanced, as I am an all day every day smoker, and I don't really have many friends. The thing is, part of me wants to socialize and do things to advance my life, but I know that doing those things will not give me the high that weed does, and is a ton more work. So, the stoner part of me is winning right now, and I'm not entirely sure what to do about that. I could quit or cut down, but that doesn't solve the problem of me knowing that the weed high feels so much better than the high I get from doing anything else.

It's interesting you say that I won't be happy just by doing those things; why do you say that? I would hope by socializing and advancing my life, I would be more happy, and maybe it would replace some of my desires to get high.

 

[southeast]

I know that the high from heroin makes me a lot happier than anything else but you learn to love other things more because they don't have to the negative reprecussions that the drug does... it feels weird to say anything about heroin in relation to weed though. I'm not sure if that helps much but I bet what he is talking about-- getting out and making connections will help you feel better.

 

[herbavore]

When the goal is to feel all the emotions that come with living--not just happiness--happiness floods in.

I think over-use of weed has a way of blunting (no pun intended) emotions and thereby dividing you from your ability to fully engage with your life and your motivation and energy. I would recommend a big long break.

 

[thujone]

I struggled with this exact issue for almost a decade, though for the most of it I was only toking once a day. For me, it definitely was not as easy as just putting down the joint and being sober. That's like telling a sober person that the key to happiness is giving up sex. <devil's advocate>"But, sex doesn't ruin your life!"</> Sure, but unlike cocaine, heroin, meth or alcohol; neither does cannabis. It's quite possible to indefinitely maintain a daily habit while doing school, working a 9-5 job and scraping by in both. But part of the solution is recognizing the problem; that scraping by is not a satisfying way to live your whole life.

I realized that years ago, but was stuck in limbo for a while until a few more years went by and my anxiety about not moving forward faster in life really got to me. I started keeping a list of goals, short-term and long-term, and when I realized that I was stunting my progress in short-term goals it made me fearful that at that rate of progress my life would pass me by before I really got to accomplish anything or enjoy any real success. I guess in the end, it was the recognition of my mortality that made it possible to just put down the joint and do work.

 

[weekend addiction]

^I agree with thujone. Using drugs, even heavy cannabis use, you can still get by. But if you pay close attention your selling yourself short quite often. Maybe you are just a bit too spacey at work and your not gonna get that promotion. Or at school you just keep forgetting assignments. Drugs are distracting as hell when your trying to be the best you can be. For most people you will find a middle ground between sobriety and smoking all day every day or quit. I still smoke every day but it doesn't affect me as much anymore. I smoke less than I used to so thats part of it.

 

[Growth In Recovery]

One of the biggest things to realize in sobriety, just because you stop getting high, the desire and urges to do so again will continue for the rest of your life (this isn't the case for everyone, some people do eventually lose the desire to get high completely). The best way to reconcile on this issue is admitting that the desire to smoke is likely going to be with you for a long time. Just do the best you can and try to stay clean ^.^