How to overcome cowardice

[adder]

I've got a similar problem to yours. Normally I'm not really a shy person, I'm just quiet in the crowd and I socialize slowly. But when it comes to walk up to a girl and start talking, my head is empty even though a moment earlier I didn't even think the problem is going to be "what am I going to say?".

Well, men are less emotional than women, maybe, at least in general. The best friend I had in my life was a girl. I don't know how to talk about serious stuff with other guys. I guess that's because I was raised by my mum mostly. But it also causes oversensitiveness.

However, as I look at couples, women don't make good choices. And I wonder if it's because nice guys can't overcome shyness and talk to them, and they choose from idiots, or maybe some girls have got a natural attraction for morons. Many women seeming intelligent, smart, and looking nice end up with guys who can't articulate a single sentence without some mistake.

I've been in relationships but being honest if the women I was with hadn't been courageous and open, then we probably wouldn't have started dating because I was like "there is no way she would consider me as a good material for a partner". Stupid thinking patterns. Now I'm alone and it's been for some longer time. I don't feel good with it and I know how many chances I might have missed. Anyway I suffer from low self-esteem. I have no friends now here where I live after coming back from England, I have nothing to offer. A guy with no acquaintances must seem weird. And thus it makes me feel even worse.

Something i've learned about women is they dont want to date a broke, jobless, no skill having woman.

Aye... And like it's my fault there are simply no jobs for chemists so I don't earn any money. I've got skills but they're useless, right? This is ridiculous, I guess I started studying IT more because of what you wrote about than because I really wanted to become a computer scientist. Actually, all classes I have to attend are boring as hell to me, it's not my thing but there will always be a need for specialists in IT.

The funny thing is all those girls themselves study sociology or pedagogy which both now mean problems with finding a job. It's just more important to be a student at some age and then having a degree in whatever than represent some values. I hate how this world functions and the true beauty is hardly ever noticed.

I understand that women need care. But something is wrong if they need more of financial care than support in every day life and problems.

 

[tricomb]

A lot of everyday life and problems = financial problems.

Such is capitalism. Despicable.

 

[adder]

We used to have socialism here. And whatever you may hear about "the heroes" of the opposition like Lech Walesa, they're no heroes, they were tools to end the era of Soviet bloc because it couldn't last longer. It doesn't mean socialism is bad and it can't function along with democracy. Life was easier in a lot of aspects then. That's what an average person being ~30 years old in 1989-90. Capitalism means the country doesn't care for its citizens. This is how the situation looks like now here. And the parliament is chosen by 40% of people who can vote. How is such a parliament democratic? Well, you can't make people vote but if they don't vote, they've got a reason. I don't always vote either because I don't know these names put there just to push the main candidate through and those guys are idiots who spent most of their lives in the parliament having done nothing for the good of everyone. This means my vote is actually gone because if I choose a person no. 30 from the list, there's actually no way that person is going to win so my vote goes for the guy no. 1 whom I may not support.

The thing is 30 years ago we had no internet, no cell phones etc. and people somehow could find partners. Now there are so many dating sites. Why are they there? Why is it a profitable business? Well, it must be if there are so many of these sites. I'm really furious seeing all those couples on streets, kissing, hugging, holding hands... Terribly depressing. I'm aware I'm not the only one who is alone. But people separated themselves from the others, now when I get on the bus, it's hard to talk to somebody. Most people have sad dreamy eyes and they're drowning in their worlds not caring to interact with the outer world.

Ah, sometimes I think I was born in a wrong period as I've got a lot of characteristics of a Romantic hero. Well, most of them didn't end good.

 

[Lost Ego]

well, I am just saying... any respectable woman one even considers to have a relationship with wouldn't judge a guy for not having a paycheck or a lot of money yet. So what? You only recently started your job... you are at work now, you try to do the best you can to make progress in life. This is a good quality -- the paycheck isn't.

But, then again, follow your own intuition how to handle the situation. You must feel good about yourself seeing here. Waiting for your paycheck to increase your self-esteem seems a bit absurd for me, though, somehow I see your point. Nonetheless, any respectable woman won't judge you for not having your paycheck yet.

I actually dont start for a week. I'm in no rush, i still call her every now and then. It's not that my self esteem is based upon my paycheck, i just know that our happiness together is pivotal upon the experiences we have together and if i have money i can buy some oxys (or an eighth of weed or whatever) and i know for sure we'll have fun that way. Or maybe some alchohol, i need something to relax me. Also alot of girls expect you to pay but it's really easy to get them to pay for themselves and have it still be a date ("i'll take you out but you have to pay for yourself, i wouldn't want you to feel like you owe me any sexual favors in return for me buying you dinner so let's just pay our own way until we can trust one another" works every time lol)

I've got a similar problem to yours. Normally I'm not really a shy person, I'm just quiet in the crowd and I socialize slowly. But when it comes to walk up to a girl and start talking, my head is empty even though a moment earlier I didn't even think the problem is going to be "what am I going to say?".

...

Aye... And like it's my fault there are simply no jobs for chemists so I don't earn any money. I've got skills but they're useless, right? This is ridiculous, I guess I started studying IT more because of what you wrote about than because I really wanted to become a computer scientist. Actually, all classes I have to attend are boring as hell to me, it's not my thing but there will always be a need for specialists in IT.

Ya mean i feel you, i used to be the same way. You really just need to lighten up and talk to every pretty girl you meet, who cares if you failed, you're cleansing away your shyness and building up your charm which will help you in the long run.
That's awesome that you are a chemist man! Good luck in finding a job, and once you do you'll be reeling in the ladies - no joke lol.

tricomb - word to that my brother

 

[Captain.Heroin]

What if i don't ask her out and we stay friends for the next 40 years - or until one of us dies? I could see our friendship lasting that long but not a relationship. Even if we got married, we'd surely divorce sooner or later. I'll never know what sorta friendship we coulda had if i do try.

You could come to the same conclusions I have about monogamous relationships and marriage (that they only work well for a minority of people, not a majority).

 

[jazz hands]

Your self esteem will be way higher with an income. You're not being irrational by having low self-esteem when you are broke. You really don't have much going for you at that point. It's a sad fact of life that money is essential, but it's true.