Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
How to Make It Up to Her?
So I met my better half here on BL. Long distance relationship, what a fucking drag man.
First time I saw her, I ended up getting her pregnant. We decided that she would have an abortion. Planned Parenthood really dropped the ball, and I got to watch her go through the procedure in agonizing pain, screaming and crying. Very difficult to watch, traumatizing even, to see the person you love most in the world go through so much pain and having to just sit there and watch, unable to do or say anything.
In my infinite wisdom, the next day I go out and buy some Xanax. I ended up blacking out for like 12 hours. My significant other's ex really did a number on her in terms of abuse, and apparently him getting fucked up and selfishly disrespecting/ignoring her caused her an extreme amount of trauma. My first ever blackout incident brought all this back to the fore. She also lost her mom just over seven months ago, and she got clean around December 2015, so she's been in a really difficult place. So right now she's taking a little break from our relationship, as we had become a little too enmeshed before what happened happened.
I also had been financially helping out big time supporting her, with rent, food, cigarette, bus pass, cell phone bill and weed money while she tries to find a job so she can support herself (she hated having to take money from me). Sadly I had to let her know that I really can't support her like that for too much longer. I'm happy to help out with necessities like rent and the like, but I have an extremely limited income and very little for myself to begin with. She found a new job as of the day before yesterday working at some fast food place, and I couldn't be more proud of her (for just so many reasons, she's truly the most amazing person I've ever met).
I guess what I'm trying to ask is what advice do you have for me doing what I can to support her. She's in recovery and does an incredible amount of work in NA and has her own psychiatrist and therapist. I figure all I can do is just keep letting her know that I love her and support her and am just so impressed and proud of all she's doing and overcome in her life. She's really be dealt such a shit hand. And other than that all I can do is keep working on myself to become the best person I know I can be.
So I'm really just biding my time until she makes up her mind in terms of what she wants to do. Keep dating, break up, or something else. What might the something else be? Both me and her would like a third option. So so much so. I love this girl more than anything in the world, and genuinely want what is best for her. I'm willing to do more or less anything to help support her and see that she is happy and healthy.
We used to spend a shit load of time, too much time, on the phone and texting. At least I'm glad that now I finally see just how enmeshed we had become and have been able to spend the time I need to working on myself and doing what I need to do in my own life. But for about a week now we barely talk at all, and it's really hard to go from spending all the time on the phone with someone you love to rarely getting to hear her beautiful voice. She almost never responds to my texts, and at most we talk once a day for a few minutes. She's doing so, so well. I just want her to know I love and support her, and that all I want in the world is to see her happy and healthy (ideally with me by her side of course).
What might I do to help (re)establish trust? She had put me on this pedestal because I'm also in recovery and have been really supporting her emotionally apart from just financially since we fell in love with each other. Now she sees I'm nothing more than human, and I think she feels really stupid for it. Like somehow it's her fault I hurt her. Couldn't be further from the truth of course. Anywho, thank you for the help and support.
P.s. the one good thing to come out of the procedure at PP was that she had an IUD put in, so now she's on birth control (she couldn't take the pill because of the side effects, so thats why she wasn't on it). Word to the wise folks, use condoms (of all people I should really know better) and don't go out and take drugs that can really fuck you up when the person you love the most in the world needs you for emotional and physical support. So selfish of me, I really learned a lot because of this. Never again, although those words don't seem to mean much to her right now (understandably).
So I met my better half here on BL. Long distance relationship, what a fucking drag man.
First time I saw her, I ended up getting her pregnant. We decided that she would have an abortion. Planned Parenthood really dropped the ball, and I got to watch her go through the procedure in agonizing pain, screaming and crying. Very difficult to watch, traumatizing even, to see the person you love most in the world go through so much pain and having to just sit there and watch, unable to do or say anything.
In my infinite wisdom, the next day I go out and buy some Xanax. I ended up blacking out for like 12 hours. My significant other's ex really did a number on her in terms of abuse, and apparently him getting fucked up and selfishly disrespecting/ignoring her caused her an extreme amount of trauma. My first ever blackout incident brought all this back to the fore. She also lost her mom just over seven months ago, and she got clean around December 2015, so she's been in a really difficult place. So right now she's taking a little break from our relationship, as we had become a little too enmeshed before what happened happened.
I also had been financially helping out big time supporting her, with rent, food, cigarette, bus pass, cell phone bill and weed money while she tries to find a job so she can support herself (she hated having to take money from me). Sadly I had to let her know that I really can't support her like that for too much longer. I'm happy to help out with necessities like rent and the like, but I have an extremely limited income and very little for myself to begin with. She found a new job as of the day before yesterday working at some fast food place, and I couldn't be more proud of her (for just so many reasons, she's truly the most amazing person I've ever met).
I guess what I'm trying to ask is what advice do you have for me doing what I can to support her. She's in recovery and does an incredible amount of work in NA and has her own psychiatrist and therapist. I figure all I can do is just keep letting her know that I love her and support her and am just so impressed and proud of all she's doing and overcome in her life. She's really be dealt such a shit hand. And other than that all I can do is keep working on myself to become the best person I know I can be.
So I'm really just biding my time until she makes up her mind in terms of what she wants to do. Keep dating, break up, or something else. What might the something else be? Both me and her would like a third option. So so much so. I love this girl more than anything in the world, and genuinely want what is best for her. I'm willing to do more or less anything to help support her and see that she is happy and healthy.
We used to spend a shit load of time, too much time, on the phone and texting. At least I'm glad that now I finally see just how enmeshed we had become and have been able to spend the time I need to working on myself and doing what I need to do in my own life. But for about a week now we barely talk at all, and it's really hard to go from spending all the time on the phone with someone you love to rarely getting to hear her beautiful voice. She almost never responds to my texts, and at most we talk once a day for a few minutes. She's doing so, so well. I just want her to know I love and support her, and that all I want in the world is to see her happy and healthy (ideally with me by her side of course).
What might I do to help (re)establish trust? She had put me on this pedestal because I'm also in recovery and have been really supporting her emotionally apart from just financially since we fell in love with each other. Now she sees I'm nothing more than human, and I think she feels really stupid for it. Like somehow it's her fault I hurt her. Couldn't be further from the truth of course. Anywho, thank you for the help and support.
P.s. the one good thing to come out of the procedure at PP was that she had an IUD put in, so now she's on birth control (she couldn't take the pill because of the side effects, so thats why she wasn't on it). Word to the wise folks, use condoms (of all people I should really know better) and don't go out and take drugs that can really fuck you up when the person you love the most in the world needs you for emotional and physical support. So selfish of me, I really learned a lot because of this. Never again, although those words don't seem to mean much to her right now (understandably).
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