How to live as a sociopath? Fuck if I know, but I'm good at what I do.

[fluffyboxofkittens]

We’ve all taken our share of beatings in this world, some more than others. My sister-in-law recently said to me that she didn’t understand why my brothers and I weren’t serial killers. I like the age old saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. In our case, we were taught to become resilient, stronger, adapt to what was thrown at us. Also, we were taught to never let our guard down, kill before being killed, family first in essence but not too close in reality. My brothers have been my saving grace. In polar opposite lessons learned from my father, my brothers have time and time again shown me that love is not a deal to be played, not leverage to get what I want and is not a sick and twisted thing. Unfortunately, this lesson from my brothers came in a time after we all survived through the hurricane that was our father. Then the subsequent havoc we each caused in our personal lives in attempt to prove how strong we were but secretly wishing we could find something strong enough to destroy us. We are all still here. I say unfortunately the lesson of love they are showing to me now is because its a little late.
Having a sociopathic father, I have learned from the best. I am stronger than he, more resilient, more adaptable, and smarter. I never let my guard down, I kill before being killed, I keep family close but not too close. I make deals in the game of love, I fake love to get what I want, I manipulate, I steal hearts and break them, I keep the notches on the bedpost hidden. Sometimes I wonder if that’s how my brothers are too, Maybe within their struggles they found a way to fake it till you make it. I doubt it though. They weren’t taught the same lessons as I. Blessed or cursed, not sure which, I was a cute kid turned into a beautiful woman. Taught by my father the ways of manipulation, as well the lesson that my body is coveted by men, he made me an animal of prey.

 

[neversickanymore]

Welcome to Blue Light... What are you so afraid of?.. I mean if we constantly distance ourselves and never find the courage to throw our hearts and lives out there then we will end up with the pathetic and unsatisfying life of a coward.. whats the point of having a heart that's never been broken if in the act of protecting it we never get to share it.

You are beautiful and have a beautiful body and then are put off when men want your beauty and your body.. this is easy, since you are so smart, then weed out the pigs that are just there for your flesh and learn to identify the ones who both like you and your beauty.. this will be tough if you never let anyone get inside those "protective" walls you have built up. won't ever be able to tell if a man really loves you if you never let them close enough to see you.

If what doesn't kill does indeed make you stronger. and i belive it does.. then why are you doing everything to avoid everything that will make you strong.. fear you will get too strong.. or no confidence that that tender underskin, the side you may not even admit to yourself is still there or ever was could withstand the test... take the test you will pass.

What do you get out of stealing peoples hearts and crushing them.. misery likes company?

If you are so smart then why the need to manipulate.. and what is it that you manipulate to get?


And finally if we choose to hold on to all the bad shit that has been done to us then we choose to remaine under the power of the people who did this to us.. have to find away to forgive them.. and forgiveness isn't for those fuckers, its for us

Nicely written kittens.. any thoughts on my thoughts?

 

[gr33n3y3z]

^^^ Damn NeverSick that was a nice post.

 

[Zerrr]

^^^ Damn NeverSick that was a nice post.

+1^

I understand how life could be easier without empathy, but it would also be meaningless. Empathy is one of the main characteristics that makes us Human. It seperates us from more primitive life forms.

 

[Maya]

^ditto!

I actually know a semi sociopath and it is someone I am really close to. His big influence was his father and at a very young age, was taught by his father to survive in this world and be tactical. He does not feel remorse, guilt or shame but for some reason, he is very fond of me as I am with him. He completely trusts me as I am with him and he has shared secrets with me that he has not shared with any of his friends. There are times that he scares me but whenever I am around him I feel protected because I know that he will not let anything happen to me and is very protective of me but I still do not approve of some of his activities and try to help him as much as I could.

 

[Zerrr]

Hi Maya,

Interesting dynamic there.

He sounds more like a (snip)

I read that true psychopaths/sociopaths have the ability to understand empathy quite well, but are unable to feel the emotion behind it. Its just another tool for them to exploit people with. I guess the op might be able to explain some of their methods.

or its this I suppose:

Psychopaths do not lack empathy, rather they can switch it on at will, according to new research.

 

[fluffyboxofkittens]

I enjoyed reading your response and find it intriguing. The first thought that comes to mind is that it seems as if you think I am this way by choice. I don't choose to manipulate, I just do it without realizing. I definitely don't get anything from it. It happens and then goes away. Then here comes the next one.
I don't choose to have walls around myself, they are just are there. I do have the ability to empathize but in a very disconnected way. I have always known I was different. I was able to physically hurt others, animals, and myself while growing up and feel no emotion about it. I was taught to feel emotion as a conditioned response and I learned well how to read and adapt to others emotions.
You ask what I am afraid of? I am afraid that this is it. I see myself for what I am. I want to feel connection like I see others doing, I just don't have the ability. I've faked it to myself and everyone around me my whole life. I've made my evidenced based conclusion- I don't have what they have.
I'm scared that I am who I am. If I met myself on the street, I'd be scared of me too. There is no fix for what I am. No self help books, no amount of exercise, extreme sports, education, meditation,therapy, prayer, SSRIs, SNRIs, ECT, CT scans, MRIs, acid, alcohol, cocaine, relationships, animals, money, humiliation, helping others, writing, talking, fucking, that can add or change what I am. Believe me I've tried. If this shell of a human is me, then what the fuck am I going to do with it.

 

[caseface99]

^^ Have you tried TRULY opening up to someone who cares for you? This could be a good way to try and build/feel a connection with someone. If you let someone see you're true self, "show them your soul" so to speak, and allow them to do the same with you, then you might find the connection with someone that you seek. But if you never let anyone in, you can't expect to feel a connection.

Stop faking. Be yourself with someone.

 

[mrflowers00]

dude you don't use love to your advantage because of your father the people who raised me only show genuine love and i still use love as leverage in every way i can

 

[Maya]

I found this article about Sociopaths:

http://www.wikihow.com/Determine-if-Someone-Is-a-Sociopath

Some people just show "some" of the signs of being a candidate for sociopath. But as per the article, these notes will determine a full blown sociopath.

 

[neversickanymore]

^Why do they show the person getting carted away buy the people in white coats?

Desiring to be "normal" wouldn't be something I would think a sociopath would feel? Why do they feel anger, fear and impatience and not guilt or remorse?

Just because someone can hurt animals and people with out feeling guilt why would they, does it make a sociopath fell powerful or good?




What is it that you value naturally.. What is it you desire out of life OP? Whats your real fancy?

 

[tripnotyzm]

^Why do they show the person getting carted away buy the people in white coats?

It's representing getting a court order to force extremely violent sociopaths in to treatment.

That was a real good read, Maya.
It made me realize how much of a sociopath my best friend is.

 

[pirates_]

I enjoy being a sociopathe less emotions to deal with once you learn how to mimic them, and appy them when your "supposed" to, or when you need them to work for you. Also being a socipathe to me means, getting by by any means..people are oppurtunities for something..whatever they are...use them, and take what they can offer you, once they are no longer needed, adios...and move on. and love. haaa. more like a base of operations, while having someone care after you as they would there self. of course intercourse is a need, so having aa spouse or live in gf makes that easy...there are so many more ways being a sociopathe comes in handy, but i dont want to give out too much.. the only time i felt odd being the way i am is when my grandparents died.. i wanted to feel sad, i wanted them like i was supposed to..but i couldnt...i tried and tried and tried.. and being around my family made it that much more urgent. i enjoy my famlies company..they entertain me and keep me..content..i felt like they would not talk to me anymore if i looked like i didnt care.. hh

 

[neversickanymore]

What are you guys so afraid of given out? I just have a hard time seeing your advantage in manipulation unless its just because you guys think this is easier than the alternative.. sorry but being an addict I already know that is hogwash because it always causes more problems than it solves, even if i were to discount any emotions like guilt and remorse.. is it laziness or some misguided thought of superiority or is that because of your condition you end up valuing what I consider shallow things so much.. and If you guys cant even give me what makes you tick then I start to think it is just to shallow to state without being embarrassed. Its almost like you are playing some game with allot of effort to achieve shit I just get naturally. So if any sociopaths out there are willing to let go of this huge secret and list the ten most important things in your lives I may remain interested. So far I'm sorry, but with your guys reputation, I expected something more interesting. Also why do you bother to mimic emotions? Is the reason you are so scared because you feel all alone. I would imagine with out the felling of oneness that would likely come hand in hand with empathy for other humans and creatures you would fell isolated and alone and could feel scared. Also I saw from another post pirates that you were an opiate user.. cant see that opiates would be that attractive or pleasurable for someone who is a sociopath. what did they do for you? And sorry but getting by by any means sounds like bottom feeding to me so if you could please explain this in a way that makes it seem desirable I would appreciate it. It is pretty apparent that normal people and sociopaths will have a hard time understanding each other, so if you are curious as to aspects of a "normal" person please ask and i will try and explain. This could be a good back and forth.

 

[motherofearth]

I enjoyed reading your response and find it intriguing. The first thought that comes to mind is that it seems as if you think I am this way by choice. I don't choose to manipulate, I just do it without realizing. I definitely don't get anything from it. It happens and then goes away. Then here comes the next one.
I don't choose to have walls around myself, they are just are there. I do have the ability to empathize but in a very disconnected way. I have always known I was different. I was able to physically hurt others, animals, and myself while growing up and feel no emotion about it. I was taught to feel emotion as a conditioned response and I learned well how to read and adapt to others emotions.
You ask what I am afraid of? I am afraid that this is it. I see myself for what I am. I want to feel connection like I see others doing, I just don't have the ability. I've faked it to myself and everyone around me my whole life. I've made my evidenced based conclusion- I don't have what they have.
I'm scared that I am who I am. If I met myself on the street, I'd be scared of me too. There is no fix for what I am. No self help books, no amount of exercise, extreme sports, education, meditation,therapy, prayer, SSRIs, SNRIs, ECT, CT scans, MRIs, acid, alcohol, cocaine, relationships, animals, money, humiliation, helping others, writing, talking, fucking, that can add or change what I am. Believe me I've tried. If this shell of a human is me, then what the fuck am I going to do with it.

Hi FBoK, I really like your username (not enough to type it all out, but ya know....). Welcome to Bluelight!

I quoted the above post b/c I think it tells us significantly more about you than the first. Well, a bit more at least. For instance it answered my question as to whether you (and other sociopaths) have control over the way you process emotions. It should seem obvious that you wouldn't, as it often is portrayed as a disorder. Unless I'm reading this wrong, you and the other posters representing sociopaths on this thread seem to find ways to use it as an asset in your lives, or so you perceive. But then you are posting here, w/ sociopathic tendencies the subject. Typically the subjects of threads here translate into laments, so do you wish things were different and simply can't find a way to change them? Or are you upset about the your outlooks or condition as it relates to emotions being classified a disorder by society at large? Forgive me if this was spelled out in your post. Sometimes I can't read between the lines so well, or I miss a vital statement.

It may be this ambiguity that has nsa all stirred up. Which I must now say, nsa I am as interested in hearing why this topic has you as exasperated as you appear as I am the OP. As I said above, I'm of the belief these sociopaths do not strive to be the way they are - in reality they do struggle to feel despair, ecstasy, grief and so on - however they also largely paint this reduction in emotion as a boon rather than a bane. Specifically, I'm wondering if you have some first hand experience w/ a sociopath which has led you to feel as you do.

Also, the part where FBoK very much shuns many recommendations she anticipates people may make in a list really interests me, for if you've suffered so many pointless or ineffectual recommendations in the past, why open yourself up to more of them here?

 

[neversickanymore]

Wait moe you are the OP? and all other answers will follow regardless..

 

[Maya]

I was taught to feel emotion as a conditioned response and I learned well how to read and adapt to others emotions

Hi fluffyboxofkittens, so did someone also influence you or taught you to be this way? Sorry for the question but as I have mentioned on my earlier post, someone close to me has been influenced mostly by his father.

 

[neversickanymore]

^ that actually makes total sense since such a large portion of our response is non verbal.. just why such a destruction between the emotions.. as the reason we have survived so long is a group effort and a swing in the other way could only make evolutionary sense when tied in with the lessening need for a social being because of the dramatic emergence of technology.. so much of technology is social in nature though?

And also MOE very nice call on the ambiguity as it is chalk full isn't it, or was what i said full of it.. ah no matter.. Though a person so adept at figuring out such complex problems as learning to read the unspoken word of people who they do not function like they do should easily be able to cut through such small fog.

 

[Maya]

I personally believe that generally, the type of personality/characteristics that people will acquire or will be in the future are mostly influenced by the environment and the upbringing. My friend loved and hated his father at the same time. He loved him for being there for him but also hated him for the things he taught him to be. His father was involved in illegal activities and was a master manipulator when he was still alive so he adapted most of these from his father. The good thing though is that by being my friend, I am able to influence him positively and is learning a lot on how to give respect to people at least. One step at a time and i am willing to be patient and wait until he gets much better and at least get rid of some of his usual ways.

 

[neversickanymore]

How do you explain the identical twin studies who were divided at birth.. and the remarkable undeniable similarities after totally different lives after thirty years? It would be really hard to try and fit in in a social society if you were born as a person who was not truely capable of comprehension or conductance in that society. I wonder if some of the pain caused to animals and such isn't some fascination or attempt to understand something that is beyond but desirous of a sociopath? It could also explain why they seem to be so fascinated with people who aren't sociopaths?