I've been using opiates and other drugs for most of my life, I've been working, taking care of my mother/father (even though he's pretty well off and can take care of his self but still I like to care for and take care of the people who love me no matter how fucked I am or how much of an drug addict I am...) & I work my ass of just to help fix my mothers problems and my fathers and even my own. Sadly I don't really care for myself, I'm pretty young but sadly have been doing this half my life and I'm IMO doing pretty well too. I work, I function, I may be reclusive a bit of the time but that's just due to me not really being into going out or partying, etc... This post made me feel like a piece of shit even though I'm functioning and helping my only family memeber a I have out to the best of my abilities. I know I'll die young, I know I'm a fuck up, I know I'm pathetic, I know I'm nothing... Nothing but a drug using piece of shit... I've hated my life since I was very young dealing with abuse, me being raped by my own older sister, & me trying to kill myself so many times that I had a mini stroke and at a very young age to be having any problems like that at all. I've worked since I was 12 and still am; I put a fake smile on so my mother and father think that I'm all good inside when im really not... I function, I work, I help my only family members I got left because they've helped me so much. I understand why you're telling noobs not to pick up that needle or drugs and shoot them up or even start walking down this road we all seem to be walking here on this website/thread. I agree that noobs shouldn't start but you should have at least had more sympathies for people like yourself and I. Like I said I'm a functioning drug addict and have been for most of my life. Your post hurt me till I read the bottom of it where you mentioned that people like me shouldn't have felt bad reading that post if you're able to function and work, etc... But still be an addict and still be smart about how to use this or that. I appreciate that

but it still hurt me deep down

you may not give a shit at all about how I feel but I try my hardest to help my family and even myself at times too- I work, I'm functional, I don't like going out but that's my own personal reasonings, & I take great care of my girl friend and pay for here meds and a lot of other shit too like allowin her to live with me at my home with my father and I so she and my father have a place to stay and not having to stay somewhere else where it would be horribly shitty for them and would cause a lot more problems for the both of them. My mother lives on her own but I visit and take great care of her as well- paying her bills, filing taxes, getting or fixing food for her and picking up and buying her meds she very much needs. I even stay at her house just to take more care of her and so I can take her to places and get her out of her home so she can get through her days easier and be less depressed than she already is. I got a lot on my plate, I've been working since 12, I've been doing her [My mothers] taxes and shit since 14 & cooking for her, my dad, & my gf for years now too. IMO I feel like I'm doing pretty well and I feel as if I can an should beable to use my drugs to release my physical pain problems due to many accidents, etc... & to release stress that builds up due to me taking care of my family and GF for so many years and at such a young age (I'm only 19 bout to hit 20 soon). I've been doing this my whole life basically and won't stop till I pass away because I love and live for my father, mother, & GF's happiness and well being. I barely live for myself but when I do it's to relax with and few pills and some herb. I hope you understand where I'm coming from and how I'm functional/a hard fucking worker for my family and myself but myself last for my families sake. I hope you understand and I hope I'm not a piece of pathetic shit drug addict like what you may or may not think of. I just wanted to let this all out and talk; & im sorry I posted this on this tread. Hope most of you who take the time to read this understand me and thinks I'm some what of a good person

I really try to be and feel in my heart Iam a pretty decent person

life's hard but it's what you make it that makes it harder or softer on you/your loved ones. Hope anyone who reads this feels for me

and don't give up or think you're nothing

you're something to me even if I don't know you

remember rhat
