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How to help a friend.

  • Thread starter Thread starter tryingtohelp
  • Start date Start date
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tryingtohelp

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I am intensely worried about one of my friends who I love so, so much. He always smoked a lot of weed, but recently has started delving into other drugs more often than he used to. He's done acid multiple times in a week. Will go to EDM shows and do nearly a gram of molly about one or more a month. Binge drinks often. Has tried coke and speed. I'm worried. But they are in complete and total denial that they are causing themselves any harm. They've changed a lot. Seem more depressed, agitated, and agressive at times. I don't know how to help, but it's killing me to watch him do this.
 
I made this account, I originally posted the topic. Please if anyone has any advice on how to help him, I would so greatly appreciate it. I don't know what the toxic level of molly is, but him doing nearly a gram worries me. I don't know how to approach him. But he has changed in ways that concern me. I don't want to lose him.
 
My approach would be precisely what you wrote yourself: have a sit-down with your friend and tell him that you're really worried about the amount of drugs he consumes. Try not to lecture, he probably won't listen anyway, but at least he'll know that you're worrying, which may be the pointer he needs to reflect on his abuse.

Regarding the MDMA, I can only give second-hand advice, but a gram a month is certainly too much. As far as I remember rolling once a month should be OK, more than that will likely cause permanent damage in the long term, and even this is pushing the limits.

According to your OP, he sounds like a poly drug user, and these people can be very hard to reach (speaking from experience here, I wouldn't listen at all at first). So just let him know you're concerned and do not pressure him - he'd probably just delve deeper to prove to himself that there's no need for you to be concerned. Try to keep in touch and see if the situation worsens, it's then that he'll need a trustworthy person to talk to, and if you now let him know that you'll be there when the shit hits the fan, you're in a good position to help.

Hope this helps, all the best for you and your friend.
 
Thank you so much. I think part of it is he doesn't take me totally seriously because I've had my issues in the past. But he can get pretty aggressive and paranoid after taking near to a gram of MDMA in a night and it's a bit concerning. His mental health is definitely taking a toll.
 
lostinspringtime said:
Thank you so much. I think part of it is he doesn't take me totally seriously because I've had my issues in the past. But he can get pretty aggressive and paranoid after taking near to a gram of MDMA in a night and it's a bit concerning. His mental health is definitely taking a toll.
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If you've had similar issues in the past, in this situation that's actually a good thing in my opinion, because you can relate better. But holy crap, a gram of MDMA in one night? That's just asking for trouble. I assume he lost the "magic" of molly and tries to compensate with higher doses. Try to bring this up when you talk, and point out that the only way to get the magic back is taking a break for several months, if not years (somebody correct me here if I'm wrong, as I said, I've only second-hand info).

The way he uses it now is simply a waste of money and drugs, all he'll get are the speedy effects and brutal hangovers. Maybe pointing that out can help as well.
 
Yeah, I'm going to try and tell him that. He needs to take a break. His depression is reaching the point where it's concerning. He does the MDMA as an escape, but it's really only making it worse.
 
Personally, smoking weed my whole life was making me obsess over drugs and I was becoming delusional, thinking it was doing good for my spirituality. The weed alone was enough to make me antisocial, anxious, very aggressive, and depressed, which led me to do Mdma back in 2010 a whole lot in order to have a great time going out. If he's using Mdma that much, I'm surprised that he hasn't lost interest in it, but in my experience smoking way too much pot altered my personality way more than using a lot of Mdma and psychedelics, so I propose this is where the negative changes are coming from and also the tendency to abuse those other drugs stems from his pot addiction. Long term potheads can end up in deep, dark places with insane attachments to the drug.

If he stops smoking weed for even just a few days he'll become a different person and hopefully gain a new perspective on his life. He'll totally become more normal after the short (but possibly torturous) withdrawal. Unfortunately, it is extremely tough to get a pothead to stop smoking weed. Depressed potheads can alienate themselves from society, I would never listen to my friends who told me it was making me stupid... in one ear out the other, and it took me many years before I snapped out of it and realized just how awful it had become.

I'd start by confronting him about his pot use next time he's really stoned. Just say something like, "You know, you're addicted to that shit and you're not the same person when you're on it. I miss the old you and it's sad what you have become. You're stupid when you're stoned." Don't mention the other drugs initially, see if you can help him stop smoking so much of that shit because it really can make people dumb and abusive.

Good luck

edit - this all depends on how much weed he's smoking, and for how long he has been doing so. I would smoke all day from morning til night, and once other drugs got involved the weed made me snap. It got bad after a few steady years of doing this. Once I stopped blazing I was totally sane, my old self. I would use other drugs because of what a burnout I had become from the pot and I wanted to change but couldn't stop smoking. If it's a long term thing that has gotten completely out of hand, then this is most likely his problem.
 
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lostinspringtime said:
Yeah, I'm going to try and tell him that. He needs to take a break. His depression is reaching the point where it's concerning. He does the MDMA as an escape, but it's really only making it worse.
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If he's depressed as well, I bet there are underlying reasons for his drug abuse. As a friend, you can help to a certain degree, but try to not get too involved; at some point he's going to need professional help to get rid off the root problems (I know I did...).

Keep in mind that you're not responsible for his issues, trying to help is great of course, but you also have to draw a line somewhere, otherwise you'll be dragged along into a bad place (also from personal experience, all of my family had to go through a lot because of my addictions).

However, it should be his decision whether he needs additional help, so I wouldn't mention that option directly. It might be better to wait a bit, depression can be induced by drugs, so if you can get him to take a break the depression may vanish without outside support.
 
twato said:
If he's depressed as well, I bet there are underlying reasons for his drug abuse.

There were for me, but once I stopped smoking pot all day, I was no longer depressed over these issues and became hopeful because weed is what was holding me back. Weed can really let you know when something is wrong with your life and make you freak over it and smoke it all day to ease the pain. Since smoking dope all day was making me suicidal among other things, I'd try and get him to stop doing this before anything else - just in case that pot is involved, which is highly likely in my opinion.
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