M
Megaplexx
Guest
How does one get over a bad trip?<br>
I apologize ahead of time for the lack of coherency I just need to get this out of my head
So I've done acid a few times before, everytime with my best friend. I enjoyed the deja vu elements and the nostalgia. Then my first time doing 2 tabs with him, we hadn't been able to get it for awhile and we had just driven several hours to get a bunch. We both took them as we were about 15 minutes away from his house and the beginning is a blur. It hit quicker than I thought possible, (possibly because we hadent eaten all day?) I remember just barely feeling it start to kick in but It was way to soon so I thought it was probably just excitement for what was to come. I don't remember going in the house. Next thing I remember we're in his room and everything is too hot and sticky (had no a.c. in the car and it was 97+° outside). I remember that I kept turning the a.c. up throughout the trip but I couldn't seem to stop feeling hot and wet. I remember rolling around not being able to find the remote for the light but being too distracted to look for it effectively. I remember being in the other room trying to roll a joint alone, then I remember my friend being there. I don't remember when it started I just remember the moment I realized that he was having a bad trip. I remember him asking me what we had been doing til then or when it hit and I didnt have much of an answer. Then hed ask again and again, like I hadn't even told him. I amused him at first and told him what happened but eventually I started to get weary and a little scared cause it's something that I hadn't seen happen before and me doing my best to explain (I don't even know how hard I was tripping I was too focused on figuring out what was happening.) I could see and feel him looping in his facial expressions the changes were just so drastic and I started anticipating his questions and telling him I had answered it before ( in hindsight Idk if this made it worse or if it was inevitable) it felt like everything I was doing was making it worse. He started asking me who he was and I thought he was joking at first but then I realized he was being serious when he asked me if he was dead. Now this loop I remember distinctly. I was starting to get scared, he was becoming agitated, screaming, confused. We were stuck in a loop and I couldn't break it, it was like he had amnesia for a few seconds, he would see I was upset, and that something was really wrong, it was like a switch flipped, he would instantly calm down look concerned and ask me what was wrong. (it felt like how one would ask a lost child in a store what was wrong. Trying to be gentle and guenuinly wanting to help, also later found out he didn't remember who I was either and at some point thought I was not a real person.)<br>
At first i thought things were better so i would smile and tell him were just tripping acid, I didn't want him to know that he was the cause for my worry cause I was afraid I would set him off again. Then he would smile back at me and agree, for a second he was him again, and everything was gonna be ok; then hed get this look on his face and shout no, back away and start getting angry and agitated again. I could feel the hope draining from me and I would start crying again (I was so scared that he was never going to remember what he was, the more it happened the more hopeless everything got) and then he would immediatly calm down again and ask me what was wrong, like he guenuinly didnt remember what had happened a few seconds ago. Eventually I told him I thought he was having a bad trip and I kept reminding him when he took it and approximately when it would be over, and that didn't work either. Everything I could possible think of to help seemed to push him into a tighter spiral. I honestly dont know how long this went on for, I was trying to turn on his computer so I could put something light n happy on but I just couldn't get it working. I kept asking him where the lightswitch was and how to do stuff and he couldn't give me a straight answer.
Eventually I started to talk to sober him, really hates when I mess up his house and it was a wreck by now. I just wanted to tell him I didn't do it and it wasn't my fault. I started talking to him and telling him I was just doing my best to babysit him while he was gone. I felt like if I could just turn on the light or get the computer working everything would be ok but I just couldnt find anything. I was scared he could go so far into the spiral that he wouldnt find his way back out, and talking to "sober him" just helped me feel like it would be ok eventually. It helped me reasure myself that there would be a sober him to talk to, that he was still in there and that he'd be able to remember this. That thought felt like the only way I could keep it together. I started treating him like an amnesia victim, saying phrases or words that he was familiar with, trying to get him to snap of it. Eventually he would repeat things after me but he kept doing it like he had no idea what the words meant, like they were just sound to him. I had never experienced or heard of anything like this happening before. I didn't understand how he had got there, I couldn't get anything done but I remembered what acid was and who I was and where I was. I didn't understand how he derailed so much when we had done the same amount. <br>
Later be said he thought there was a drunk driving accident and that he had died or something. After what seemed like an eternity he eventually started to come to and he kept apologizing. I told him it wasn't his fault and he had a bad trip, it wasnt something he could help. I couldn't sleep for days after, I didn't understand how. It was a touchy subject at the time, we both kinda discussed it very lightly towards the end of the trip and chalked it off to doing 2 tabs for the first time after not having done it for awhile.
We've tripped on 1 tab since and it was mostly fine, temporary hiccups with encountering a dog I was scared of, it was out of control only for a few minutes, but it was nothing like that one time. Then again recently, we accidentally basically recreated the same circumstances as before (hindsight 20/20) we did it as soon as we got home from picking up, but we just did one tab. This time we could have a conversation and then one of us would say a word or make an expression that would remind us of that one loop. 1 word and I could feel my heart rate immediatly spike. His eyes would go wide and he'd put a finger to his mouth, when I went quiet we knew it was real, we could both feel us starting to get sucked into that loop again, we were so close, right in the edge and the whole trip we couldn't get away from it. One wrong word, one wrong silence or expression would trigger it. It was so close, I was so scared of sending him over again, yet we kept on getting caught in the same spiral we were afraid of. Any sense of deja vu or feeling like we had said that before, even the words "we've done this before" were unutterable. We kept analizing trying to figure out why. At some point we discussed not saying the works "you know" cause that would cause the other to agree and then the realized they didn't know know and didn't remember what they didn't know. Just that look of confusion or that look that said we weren't on the same page would induce an immediate sense of panic, like it was happening again. We kept on going to the edge even though all we wanted was to be as far away from it as possible. During one of them, I followed him there and I could feel my words start to lose meaning, and I started losing myself. I was still in enough control to know I had to shut it down immediatly but it was so close. Something about just talking and not even knowing what your saying and realizing its nonsense to fill space was scary but also being in the same wavelink and anticipating each others cycle of realizing and forgetting sent us both back there. We both tried to stop but we just couldnt it was, we were trying to figure out why we couldn't stop but it seemed like whenever one of us was about to figure it out we immediatly lose our train of thought. Even without words I could see him realizing that I was realizing and that would remind one of us of that time an then the other person would see the other person remember and they would go there too. At some point there was a breakthrough he was mad going on about something and I said, "you don't even remember why your mad, so just sit down and press play," it immediatly broke it and we both laughed and turned to the computer but there was nothing on screen to really press play on so we ended up back in its grips.
But that moment of breakthrough when we could both just let go and stop talking, stop looping. Realizing it didn't matter feels like the solution to get over this, feels like the first few times with acid. But I don't know how to guarantee that that's the direction we take next time. We were both wandering close to the edge and we weren't able to stop doing it, it took all the control we had and it was just one tab. It feels like we were one wrongly timed look or word from losing it. After about 5 hours it had come down enough to have a real conversation and we started enjoying ourselves again. But at one point, after about 8 hours, while we were talking we accidentally fell into that same conversation loop that I can only seem to remember in the moment (the conversation feels like a ball bouncing down a funnel til it slows then stops.) It always ends with us each just saying one word and then I felt it again, the spike in adrenalin, that guterenching dread. Has anyone else gone too far into the loop? Is that how you lose yourself? It scares me that I could be "in control"; and still accidentally end up in that cycle that sets us both off. I used to enjoy acid, I really enjoyed the last 4 hours of the trip but I need to know there's a sure way to keep it from happening again, I can't relax cause I don't really 100% know why it happened and I want to just enjoy it again. I any sort of insight would be appreciated. I just need to know that acid is more than mindloops about mindloops, I need to understand what went so wrong
I apologize ahead of time for the lack of coherency I just need to get this out of my head
So I've done acid a few times before, everytime with my best friend. I enjoyed the deja vu elements and the nostalgia. Then my first time doing 2 tabs with him, we hadn't been able to get it for awhile and we had just driven several hours to get a bunch. We both took them as we were about 15 minutes away from his house and the beginning is a blur. It hit quicker than I thought possible, (possibly because we hadent eaten all day?) I remember just barely feeling it start to kick in but It was way to soon so I thought it was probably just excitement for what was to come. I don't remember going in the house. Next thing I remember we're in his room and everything is too hot and sticky (had no a.c. in the car and it was 97+° outside). I remember that I kept turning the a.c. up throughout the trip but I couldn't seem to stop feeling hot and wet. I remember rolling around not being able to find the remote for the light but being too distracted to look for it effectively. I remember being in the other room trying to roll a joint alone, then I remember my friend being there. I don't remember when it started I just remember the moment I realized that he was having a bad trip. I remember him asking me what we had been doing til then or when it hit and I didnt have much of an answer. Then hed ask again and again, like I hadn't even told him. I amused him at first and told him what happened but eventually I started to get weary and a little scared cause it's something that I hadn't seen happen before and me doing my best to explain (I don't even know how hard I was tripping I was too focused on figuring out what was happening.) I could see and feel him looping in his facial expressions the changes were just so drastic and I started anticipating his questions and telling him I had answered it before ( in hindsight Idk if this made it worse or if it was inevitable) it felt like everything I was doing was making it worse. He started asking me who he was and I thought he was joking at first but then I realized he was being serious when he asked me if he was dead. Now this loop I remember distinctly. I was starting to get scared, he was becoming agitated, screaming, confused. We were stuck in a loop and I couldn't break it, it was like he had amnesia for a few seconds, he would see I was upset, and that something was really wrong, it was like a switch flipped, he would instantly calm down look concerned and ask me what was wrong. (it felt like how one would ask a lost child in a store what was wrong. Trying to be gentle and guenuinly wanting to help, also later found out he didn't remember who I was either and at some point thought I was not a real person.)<br>
At first i thought things were better so i would smile and tell him were just tripping acid, I didn't want him to know that he was the cause for my worry cause I was afraid I would set him off again. Then he would smile back at me and agree, for a second he was him again, and everything was gonna be ok; then hed get this look on his face and shout no, back away and start getting angry and agitated again. I could feel the hope draining from me and I would start crying again (I was so scared that he was never going to remember what he was, the more it happened the more hopeless everything got) and then he would immediatly calm down again and ask me what was wrong, like he guenuinly didnt remember what had happened a few seconds ago. Eventually I told him I thought he was having a bad trip and I kept reminding him when he took it and approximately when it would be over, and that didn't work either. Everything I could possible think of to help seemed to push him into a tighter spiral. I honestly dont know how long this went on for, I was trying to turn on his computer so I could put something light n happy on but I just couldn't get it working. I kept asking him where the lightswitch was and how to do stuff and he couldn't give me a straight answer.
Eventually I started to talk to sober him, really hates when I mess up his house and it was a wreck by now. I just wanted to tell him I didn't do it and it wasn't my fault. I started talking to him and telling him I was just doing my best to babysit him while he was gone. I felt like if I could just turn on the light or get the computer working everything would be ok but I just couldnt find anything. I was scared he could go so far into the spiral that he wouldnt find his way back out, and talking to "sober him" just helped me feel like it would be ok eventually. It helped me reasure myself that there would be a sober him to talk to, that he was still in there and that he'd be able to remember this. That thought felt like the only way I could keep it together. I started treating him like an amnesia victim, saying phrases or words that he was familiar with, trying to get him to snap of it. Eventually he would repeat things after me but he kept doing it like he had no idea what the words meant, like they were just sound to him. I had never experienced or heard of anything like this happening before. I didn't understand how he had got there, I couldn't get anything done but I remembered what acid was and who I was and where I was. I didn't understand how he derailed so much when we had done the same amount. <br>
Later be said he thought there was a drunk driving accident and that he had died or something. After what seemed like an eternity he eventually started to come to and he kept apologizing. I told him it wasn't his fault and he had a bad trip, it wasnt something he could help. I couldn't sleep for days after, I didn't understand how. It was a touchy subject at the time, we both kinda discussed it very lightly towards the end of the trip and chalked it off to doing 2 tabs for the first time after not having done it for awhile.
We've tripped on 1 tab since and it was mostly fine, temporary hiccups with encountering a dog I was scared of, it was out of control only for a few minutes, but it was nothing like that one time. Then again recently, we accidentally basically recreated the same circumstances as before (hindsight 20/20) we did it as soon as we got home from picking up, but we just did one tab. This time we could have a conversation and then one of us would say a word or make an expression that would remind us of that one loop. 1 word and I could feel my heart rate immediatly spike. His eyes would go wide and he'd put a finger to his mouth, when I went quiet we knew it was real, we could both feel us starting to get sucked into that loop again, we were so close, right in the edge and the whole trip we couldn't get away from it. One wrong word, one wrong silence or expression would trigger it. It was so close, I was so scared of sending him over again, yet we kept on getting caught in the same spiral we were afraid of. Any sense of deja vu or feeling like we had said that before, even the words "we've done this before" were unutterable. We kept analizing trying to figure out why. At some point we discussed not saying the works "you know" cause that would cause the other to agree and then the realized they didn't know know and didn't remember what they didn't know. Just that look of confusion or that look that said we weren't on the same page would induce an immediate sense of panic, like it was happening again. We kept on going to the edge even though all we wanted was to be as far away from it as possible. During one of them, I followed him there and I could feel my words start to lose meaning, and I started losing myself. I was still in enough control to know I had to shut it down immediatly but it was so close. Something about just talking and not even knowing what your saying and realizing its nonsense to fill space was scary but also being in the same wavelink and anticipating each others cycle of realizing and forgetting sent us both back there. We both tried to stop but we just couldnt it was, we were trying to figure out why we couldn't stop but it seemed like whenever one of us was about to figure it out we immediatly lose our train of thought. Even without words I could see him realizing that I was realizing and that would remind one of us of that time an then the other person would see the other person remember and they would go there too. At some point there was a breakthrough he was mad going on about something and I said, "you don't even remember why your mad, so just sit down and press play," it immediatly broke it and we both laughed and turned to the computer but there was nothing on screen to really press play on so we ended up back in its grips.
But that moment of breakthrough when we could both just let go and stop talking, stop looping. Realizing it didn't matter feels like the solution to get over this, feels like the first few times with acid. But I don't know how to guarantee that that's the direction we take next time. We were both wandering close to the edge and we weren't able to stop doing it, it took all the control we had and it was just one tab. It feels like we were one wrongly timed look or word from losing it. After about 5 hours it had come down enough to have a real conversation and we started enjoying ourselves again. But at one point, after about 8 hours, while we were talking we accidentally fell into that same conversation loop that I can only seem to remember in the moment (the conversation feels like a ball bouncing down a funnel til it slows then stops.) It always ends with us each just saying one word and then I felt it again, the spike in adrenalin, that guterenching dread. Has anyone else gone too far into the loop? Is that how you lose yourself? It scares me that I could be "in control"; and still accidentally end up in that cycle that sets us both off. I used to enjoy acid, I really enjoyed the last 4 hours of the trip but I need to know there's a sure way to keep it from happening again, I can't relax cause I don't really 100% know why it happened and I want to just enjoy it again. I any sort of insight would be appreciated. I just need to know that acid is more than mindloops about mindloops, I need to understand what went so wrong
