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how to get iver a long term relationship

B

Beat Narrative

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 19, 2011
Messages
306
Location
Melbourne
this friday i basically finalised my relationship with my gf due to my once again stupid behavoiur

we have been together almost 9 years, i feel so sick with remourse i want to die

how have other people coped with long term relationship breakups when they have been the instigator
 
I would begin with accepting that you were single before you met this partner, and that it's not so bad. :)

The only person you have to live with is yourself. Learn to love yourself and serve yourself well in life, and you'll have made great progress. I'm sure after a 9 year relationship, doing this may seem impossible... but it isn't.
 
You have 1000% of my sympathy!... I ended a relationship of six years (we got together when we were 18, the first serious relationship for both of us) last december, and it was like a giant smack in the head.

The thing that kept me alive was not spending too much time alone (that doesn't mean you can't be alone in your room or sth., just that someone else is around in your house) and most importantly keep doing something, stay active!
When I felt like crying or screaming, I just did that, and when I couldn't take the pain anymore I tried to take a more distant position to myself and observed me, that took away a lot of pressure.

In retrospect I was a zombie for the first 2 months, so dull and aimless all the time, but doing sth kept me alive and away from drugs. Wish you heaps of strenght and endurance!

You can pm me whenever you want!
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I would begin with accepting that you were single before you met this partner, and that it's not so bad. :)
Click to expand...

While this takes time and doesn't come easy it is great advice. I would add that giving yourself the understanding that it makes sense to feel lost and off-balance for a while really helps. Sometimes feeling so bad makes us question the decision we made to end a relationship even when it had indeed run its course. It takes time to readjust to being single but it is definitely worth it to stay that way for enough time to really develop your strength and independence before another relationship. I know that you have remorse over your "own stupid behavior" and that is going to make the natural break-up feelings even worse. Do you have access to counseling? It could be helpful to use this as impetus to confront and change some of the things about yourself that you feel get in the way of good relationships. I wish you strength and courage getting through this--it hurts!--but in the end it is an opportunity just like everything else in life that hurts, for deep personal growth. ((<3))
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I would begin with accepting that you were single before you met this partner, and that it's not so bad. :)
Click to expand...

While this takes time and doesn't come easy it is great advice. I would add that giving yourself the understanding that it makes sense to feel lost and off-balance for a while really helps. Sometimes feeling so bad makes us question the decision we made to end a relationship even when it had indeed run its course. It takes time to readjust to being single but it is definitely worth it to stay that way for enough time to really develop your strength and independence before another relationship. I know that you have remorse over your "own stupid behavior" and that is going to make the natural break-up feelings even worse. Do you have access to counseling? It could be helpful to use this as impetus to confront and change some of the things about yourself that you feel get in the way of good relationships. I wish you strength and courage getting through this--it hurts!--but in the end it is an opportunity just like everything else in life that hurts, for deep personal growth. ((<3))
 
I respect you for recognizing the need to implement a boundary to protect the both of you. Does the root/source of the break-up at all revolve around her views/opinions/feelings with regards to your IV use? (As in, has she expressed to you where she stands if you don't stop, etc etc?) I guess what I'm trying to ask is: Did she tell you she wouldn't continue on as your partner if you fail to abstain?

Own your feelings, and feeeeelll them! Most of the PAIN experienced in an emotional setting comes from the resistance to feel your feelings. Also, continue to seek out support from others who have been in your shoes.. I really commend you for reaching out. This shit just doesn't go away on its own. Definitely talk about it. Anything we keep to ourselves doesn't serve us. We are as sick as our secrets.
 
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just remember that there are a lot of chicks in the world and a lot hotter than you ex try and get some pussy that'll cheer ya up right quick
 
how to get over a long term relationship

The last 4 days have been the worst of my life, even worse than when my mum died

we have had break ups in the past where i knew we would end up ack together , this time its over for real

I have not been at my course all week and ave been high on opiates , wine and benzos and rolled up in a ball forgetting the world exists

I am 30, this was the forst real relationship i ahve had, our social circles are the same, its just fucked and its totally my fault

It sux as i have no family within 1200km so i have been totally isolated

I am defering my course and going to India for 6 months i think, hard to feel sorry for yourself in a place where their is so much visable poverty
 
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