So I've been with this girl for about two and half years now. When we have sex it's usually just missionary and cowgirl and nothing else. well I want to try new things but I'm not sure what the best way is of bringing it up. Obviously I don't want to do anything she's uncomfortable with, I want to try new positions and maybe use some toys for extra pleasure as well. How did you get to trying new things with your so and what kind of toys do you recommend??
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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
How to get her to try new things
- Thread starter Chiefs24
- Start date
Why can't you not just ask her if she wanna try other positions or toys?
But about the positions, try when u have sex, if you want have doggy style, just turn her around for that, and do it.
Chicks or the most of them like when men takes the control. Then you can ask her later, if she likes it
But about the positions, try when u have sex, if you want have doggy style, just turn her around for that, and do it.
Chicks or the most of them like when men takes the control. Then you can ask her later, if she likes it
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BlueHues
Bluelighter
Just tell her to bend over! A girls not gonna tell you what she wants! Talk dirty to her! You're still in that phase where you're afraid to say what really turns you on.....what do you want to do to her! Just tell her, she probably wants to try new things too! Of course, don't force yourself on her, obviously...She probably wants you to do the same things to her that you're fantasizing about!
funny how that works!
funny how that works!
motherofearth
Bluelighter
Since before I had even had sex I'd always wanted to try anal (giving it to a girl). I don't know why, but I considered it, like, the holy (no pun intended 8)) grail of sex acts, and as I advanced in experience I came to have my suspicions confirmed that most girls were not all too excited to venture down this path. Eventually, I was able to try this one out w/ one of my serious girlfriends. Unfortunately, I can't recommend the (impromptu/unplanned) method I used in obtaining it. After a serious argument we engaged in our usual bout of angry/make-up sex, and after giving her amazing oral sex, and after a session of glorious vaginal sex, she was sufficiently lubricated to where I was able to slide it in after a bit of effort. She did make a comment as I was endeavoring to enter, but it wasn't objectionable, so I proceeded w/ assertive caution. As a sad concluding score to this anecdote, I have to confess while I enjoyed the anal sex (as I've yet to engage in a sex act I don't enjoy), it was underwhelming vis-a-vis all the anticipation, and I've yet to have any anal which trumps vaginal.
Although these circumstances will not mirror your own, and the things you want to try differ, there are some things to take away. First and foremost, we'd discussed it casually a few times in advance (over some drinks), and I knew she wasn't repulsed or even indifferent to an attempt. Secondly, before the attempt, where I maintain I hadn't even planned to initiate anal, I made sure to have thoroughly satiated her sexually. Generally, I find w/ most girls they are more open-minded and willing after a good session of oral sex.
The last thing I will say is it is probably not a good idea to emphasize you've been going out for two and a half years and you would like to 'spice' things up. At least do not word the proposition in a way which indicates you are bored/unsatisfied w/ the current sexual regimen. The way I like to introduce new things is in a loving way, such as highlighting my affections/love for my partner, while concurrently explaining how fond I am of sharing the act w/ someone I feel very special about: it's a meaningful act for me, and you are a meaningful - indeed the most meaningful - person to me. If it comes from a loving place, you are comfortable w/ each other, and you trust each other, even if she doesn't have a particular fondness for or compulsion to try these new things, she likely will anyway, and probably in the worst-case scenario, repeat them from time-to-time.
Also, don't feel embarrassed or ashamed for liking certain things (just in case you might). It's part of being a human being and individual. If everyone acknowledged and respected that then this planet would be such a better place to live. Good luck, have fun, and go get 'er
Although these circumstances will not mirror your own, and the things you want to try differ, there are some things to take away. First and foremost, we'd discussed it casually a few times in advance (over some drinks), and I knew she wasn't repulsed or even indifferent to an attempt. Secondly, before the attempt, where I maintain I hadn't even planned to initiate anal, I made sure to have thoroughly satiated her sexually. Generally, I find w/ most girls they are more open-minded and willing after a good session of oral sex.
The last thing I will say is it is probably not a good idea to emphasize you've been going out for two and a half years and you would like to 'spice' things up. At least do not word the proposition in a way which indicates you are bored/unsatisfied w/ the current sexual regimen. The way I like to introduce new things is in a loving way, such as highlighting my affections/love for my partner, while concurrently explaining how fond I am of sharing the act w/ someone I feel very special about: it's a meaningful act for me, and you are a meaningful - indeed the most meaningful - person to me. If it comes from a loving place, you are comfortable w/ each other, and you trust each other, even if she doesn't have a particular fondness for or compulsion to try these new things, she likely will anyway, and probably in the worst-case scenario, repeat them from time-to-time.
Also, don't feel embarrassed or ashamed for liking certain things (just in case you might). It's part of being a human being and individual. If everyone acknowledged and respected that then this planet would be such a better place to live. Good luck, have fun, and go get 'er
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BlueHues
Bluelighter
I have an amazing obsession with the female ass! can you guys relate?! lol......
Just seeing a girl naked and bent over gets me so fucking hot! I don't necessarily like huge asses, although they'll do! I do like a ass I can grab onto though!
Of course, I like doggy style and anal!!
Most girls will do doggy-style no problem...it's just regular sex, it feels a little dirtier, but there's nothing out of the ordinary with that!
Putting in their asshole?! that's a little different.....A lot of girls like it if you work them up to it and do it right, some girls just can't handle it! That's why God made heavier women!(sorry if I sound like a pig ladies)...You have to use a lot of lube and go very slow and gentle...If you can't really get it in going slow and gentle, you should just stop and never force it!
My recent ex liked anal sex when we were being kinky in the heat of passion, but it wasn't an everyday thing....I usually tell girls to finger themselves while I fuck them in the ass, or finger them myself....
Yep, so, honesty is the key if you don't wanna be sexually frustrated!
Just seeing a girl naked and bent over gets me so fucking hot! I don't necessarily like huge asses, although they'll do! I do like a ass I can grab onto though!
Of course, I like doggy style and anal!!
Most girls will do doggy-style no problem...it's just regular sex, it feels a little dirtier, but there's nothing out of the ordinary with that!
Putting in their asshole?! that's a little different.....A lot of girls like it if you work them up to it and do it right, some girls just can't handle it! That's why God made heavier women!(sorry if I sound like a pig ladies)...You have to use a lot of lube and go very slow and gentle...If you can't really get it in going slow and gentle, you should just stop and never force it!
My recent ex liked anal sex when we were being kinky in the heat of passion, but it wasn't an everyday thing....I usually tell girls to finger themselves while I fuck them in the ass, or finger them myself....
Yep, so, honesty is the key if you don't wanna be sexually frustrated!
motherofearth
Bluelighter
I'm w/ ya here, man. I can't say why, but I love messing w/ that region. Perhaps b/c it is taboo. Perhaps b/c it is dirty. Perhaps I just like to think I am corrupting an otherwise gentile prudish girl. I dunno.
But one thing I am sure of saying, BlueHues: don't underestimate the skinny ones. I've only ever had anal sex w/ girls weighing 95-100 lbs - that's my type, and as much as I'm psychologically aroused by anal/play, I limit it to partners for whom I deeply care. Not just any girl gets the privilege of being discomforted by me. Larger girls have assholes much like skinny girls, I would imagine, so the agony and the ecstasy is all the same
BlueHues
Bluelighter
^ha ha!
mr.buffnstuff
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2010
- Messages
- 1,124
one word.... 'chloroform'! works everytime for me!
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
Just ask her about it or do it. Trying different positiions during sex isn't like trying anal or something. Don't really see why she'd say no 
(especially since she's missing out on lots that are more pleasurable for the girl)
(especially since she's missing out on lots that are more pleasurable for the girl)
B1tO'RoughJack
Bluelighter
DON'T bring it up. Just try whatever you feel like, and she will get into it in the passion of the moment, or she will tell you where to go.
You sound like you're an analytical kinda person, so in this instance, analyze the following, and work out which ones you want to try first to maximize her pleasure and have her begging for more, which would mean that you have shifted responsibility for making things more interesting in the bedroom between the 2 of you.
- Read the Kama sutra, the "ananga ranga" positions, and the "Perfumed Garden" positions - draw their forms if you are artistic or manipulate an artists wooden figure couple besides the bed for inspiration, if you are practical.
Take control of her with your strong arms, bruv - throw her around the bed, and move her legs into all sorts of shapes!
If she's submissive to you, she will love this newly found active and dominant you.
You sound like you're an analytical kinda person, so in this instance, analyze the following, and work out which ones you want to try first to maximize her pleasure and have her begging for more, which would mean that you have shifted responsibility for making things more interesting in the bedroom between the 2 of you.
- Read the Kama sutra, the "ananga ranga" positions, and the "Perfumed Garden" positions - draw their forms if you are artistic or manipulate an artists wooden figure couple besides the bed for inspiration, if you are practical.
Take control of her with your strong arms, bruv - throw her around the bed, and move her legs into all sorts of shapes!
If she's submissive to you, she will love this newly found active and dominant you.
iheartthisthread
Bluelighter
I have found a little encouragement goes a long ways.
llama112
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2010
- Messages
- 4,468
Suggest a different way! Don't just say "I'd like to have sex in positions" ... say "I'd like to try sex in [xxx] position". If she says no, suggest another one.
As for toys, I'd say go to a sex shop or look up sex toys online. If she's shy, looking them up online might be better before going into a store.
As for toys, I'd say go to a sex shop or look up sex toys online. If she's shy, looking them up online might be better before going into a store.
pofacedhoe
Bluelight Crew
you just make someone move into the position, when you go to do it be confident that they will understand and dont rush. i have never had a problem flipping anyone any way i wanted and i dont ask them, i just move them slowly and distract them with kissing or playing with their bits (fondle her clit/nipple or something equally distracting)
sex toys- maybe just buy some and be like "hey look what i got)
sex toys- maybe just buy some and be like "hey look what i got
)
Stripes314
Greenlighter
Honestly, there is a difference in asking her point blank in an unrelated activity and asking her when you have her turned on and ready to go. You wont want to do anything she is uncomfortable with, but women love a dude that will take charge so do it. Whatever it is that you ask her to do go easy the first few times. Worst come to worse tell her that if she doesnt like it you can just stop. But yeah dude bring it up to her. Just dont make it awkward.
Stripes314
Greenlighter
Correct
rangrz
Bluelighter
Really? That's odd, I could SWEAR that my fiance usually tells me exactly what she wants. Further, I recall most, if not all, of my ex GFs and long term playmates having done the same thing.
And if she's not? What if she's dominant? Then she might not like it very much, or at the very least, find it reasonably fun but not particularly thrilling.
Hasty generalizations in this thread abound. I'd really just talk to her and ask her during the act if she likes/doesn't like/has any ideas or suggestions. It's always been a good approach for me.
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B1tO'RoughJack
Bluelighter
If she's not then she won't enjoy it so much, and will tell him so.
I do the same if a girl tries to dominate me in bed - it doesn't work 9/10...at least 9/10 if not more. That is when I will either tell her on the spot I'm not feeling it, or if it half works but got me feeling not so good afterwards(happened a few weeks ago, still need to tell her).
If she's dominant then she will either tussle with you and dominate you or wait until you guys are just jammin.
I would much rather get caught up in the moment and try something new out in the bedroom, without actually talking about it, unless it is something that could hurt like anal...but if it's just different positions or whatever, I say just try it.
I do the same if a girl tries to dominate me in bed - it doesn't work 9/10...at least 9/10 if not more. That is when I will either tell her on the spot I'm not feeling it, or if it half works but got me feeling not so good afterwards(happened a few weeks ago, still need to tell her).
If she's dominant then she will either tussle with you and dominate you or wait until you guys are just jammin.
I would much rather get caught up in the moment and try something new out in the bedroom, without actually talking about it, unless it is something that could hurt like anal...but if it's just different positions or whatever, I say just try it.
rangrz
Bluelighter
Yeah different positions are something one can do spur of the moment, but anal, or toys, or S7M etc should probably be at least talked about a tad before hand.
I still stand by communicating with your partner during the act, and even asking her for input during it, just cause you really can't tell someone subjective sensation that well without asking them.
I still stand by communicating with your partner during the act, and even asking her for input during it, just cause you really can't tell someone subjective sensation that well without asking them.