Hi!
I have been living most of my life without expressing anger at all. For the first that seems like a good goal to achieve but that is not true.
I have been putting away anger and that has lead to depression and anxiety. We all should have all basic emotions present at a normal capacity to feel well and behave in a good manner but I am not able to feel or express anger at all at the moment.
Even with things like person hitting my car and me with his car I stayed calm and rationalized in my mind that everything is all okay and insurance covers everything up.
I also use benzos which I am currently tapering off but yet even half the dose I am currently I cant feel anger. I cant scream, raise my tone or behave aggressively. I am not sure what has caused this but I remember that ever in the kindergarten I did not get mad when other kids took my toys and instead thought that maybe they were in more need of it. I think I tend to rationalize too much and want to use my feelings instead.
I remember reading philosophy since I learned to read and most of our bookshelfs literature about philosophy dealt with spartan approach where you should suppress your emotions so I think this has started since I learned to read when I was four.
I have tried different martial arts but they all are about controlling your emotions and rationalizing. I even have tried mixed martial arts but you still feel no anger, more kind of a brotherly love between your competor.
So is there any tips or tricks to get my healthy anger back? My gf knows how to get angry and deals with it with very good way occassionally yelling me and such but I just cannot yell back and instead retreat or try to calm him down and I have a very good skill to calm people down by on speaking in very calm manner as I have practised it when on security business and as a peacekeeper.
I know I can cause a lot damage to other people like people who try to mug me but instead I run away or when in hard position I take control stance and not hit anyone and instead use joint lock and other control moves which might be a little bit hurtful at the moment but do not cause permanent damage.
Am I ever going to experience healtful anger or have I totally lost that aspect during these years of suppressing and am bond to have anxiety and depression because of this.
Any opinions are welcome and tips and techniques too.
I have been living most of my life without expressing anger at all. For the first that seems like a good goal to achieve but that is not true.
I have been putting away anger and that has lead to depression and anxiety. We all should have all basic emotions present at a normal capacity to feel well and behave in a good manner but I am not able to feel or express anger at all at the moment.
Even with things like person hitting my car and me with his car I stayed calm and rationalized in my mind that everything is all okay and insurance covers everything up.
I also use benzos which I am currently tapering off but yet even half the dose I am currently I cant feel anger. I cant scream, raise my tone or behave aggressively. I am not sure what has caused this but I remember that ever in the kindergarten I did not get mad when other kids took my toys and instead thought that maybe they were in more need of it. I think I tend to rationalize too much and want to use my feelings instead.
I remember reading philosophy since I learned to read and most of our bookshelfs literature about philosophy dealt with spartan approach where you should suppress your emotions so I think this has started since I learned to read when I was four.
I have tried different martial arts but they all are about controlling your emotions and rationalizing. I even have tried mixed martial arts but you still feel no anger, more kind of a brotherly love between your competor.
So is there any tips or tricks to get my healthy anger back? My gf knows how to get angry and deals with it with very good way occassionally yelling me and such but I just cannot yell back and instead retreat or try to calm him down and I have a very good skill to calm people down by on speaking in very calm manner as I have practised it when on security business and as a peacekeeper.
I know I can cause a lot damage to other people like people who try to mug me but instead I run away or when in hard position I take control stance and not hit anyone and instead use joint lock and other control moves which might be a little bit hurtful at the moment but do not cause permanent damage.
Am I ever going to experience healtful anger or have I totally lost that aspect during these years of suppressing and am bond to have anxiety and depression because of this.
Any opinions are welcome and tips and techniques too.
