budsnbars712
Bluelighter
I was with a girl for 7 years. I am 24 years old and we broke up about a yr or two ago, but that seems like nothing as we still talked all the way until Christmas day this year. So now it is February and I have not talked to her in about a month, a little longer.
I was ultra attached to this girl (still am). We both lost our virginitys to each other, she was there for my fathers death when I was 17, and she was the "clean outlet" in my life as she never did any drugs or even really enjoyed drinking. Me on the other hand, have been using xanax for a couple of years and I also have been smoking pot since I am the age of 14, with drinking in there a bit as well (nothing crazy). I met her at the age of 16, she was 14 at the time. We were together a third of our lives. I never really had any ambition while we were going out as I always was smoking weed and just selling it to get by. I was satisfied with a hot girl, free time, and supporting my own habit, plus the extra cash. I even felt I did not need to be with my friends as all we needed was each other at the time. After high school, we both went to the same college and took classes together. I was a dick, I will admit it. I did not treat her like she deserved to be treated. I always was on the "lookout" and "accusing" her of shit because I did not trust myself (still don't), and when you do not trust yourself, you assume everyone else is doing the same thing or is the same way. Eventually, she started looking at hanging out with me as a chore because of this. I saw it right away, I would ask her to do this or do that and she would always say "ok" and then it would not happen.
She started working ALOTTT. She was constantly babysitting and going to class. She was overwhelmed with stress (probably still is). I feel like she really did not know how to control it, and me at the same time. People might assume there was someone else at the time that this part of the relationship began, but she hates cheaters and I know her like the back of my hand. I mean I knew her all of her adult life, as she did with me. Now I have not talked to her in over a month like I already stated......
Now there might be another dude, but I highly doubt it knowing this girl and her ways. I asked if there was a guy in the scene a couple months after the breakup and she said "I won't have a guy in my life, including you (referring to me) until I finish college. College is my boyfriend right now." She said it angrily as she felt like she was always answering to me (and she was). Like I said, I would interrogate her because I did not trust myself, so I thought she was the same, and that made our situation bad.
This is the longest we have gone without talking to each other ever I am pretty sure. I get by using my xanax to escape, but in reality, I am still so attached to this girl. I called her my girlfriend just until recently when someone stated shes not my girlfriend anymore because I was so accustomed to it. I am still not even really used to this. So like I said, the last time I spoke to her was December 25th. She said Merry Christmas to me basically at 12:00 am of Dec 26th, I sent a merry christmas back the next day.
Before this we had plans to go see a broadway show together before the holidays. I knew she loved the movie Elf, and it recently came out on broadway. So I slipped it in there saying "I really want to see elf the musical". Knowing that she would say "me too!" which is exactly what she said. We were going to go together but she never got back to me with a set date to get the tickets for. She flaked again, probably overthinking like I do. She was most likely thinking that I am going to be on edge again and in interrogation mode.
Now, many people might be thinking that there is another person. I also question, but knowing the girl like I do, I HIGHLY doubt it. She is not really social either. Anyway, now I feel like we are both playing the waiting game to see who is going to message who first. I know it sounds stupid as we are not together and have not been for a long time, but when there is this much history, I feel the situation is a little different. I am not even sure if she is playing the waiting game or just is doing her own thing or whatever else may be going on...but she knows me, and she knows that I still care and I feel she thinks it is a matter of time until I talk to her (all speculation). My plan was to wait till the warmer weather rolled around as EVERYONE around here (NY), seems to get the winter blues and just mind there own business. I have a feeling she is going to message me when that first hint of spring is in the air and ask me to go out for a cup of coffee or something (all just more speculation but it has happened before).
Playing these games with her, or being in this situation has done a serious number to my life and health. I do not want to "wait" for something that might not even come. But I figured I waited this long, why not wait a little longer to see if it happens.....Should I start a conversation or wait for that warmer days for her to contact me like I am thinking? Some people may think that waiting for spring is stupid, but we both (and ALOT of people around here) are just not motivated or themselves in the cold, boring winter....
I was ultra attached to this girl (still am). We both lost our virginitys to each other, she was there for my fathers death when I was 17, and she was the "clean outlet" in my life as she never did any drugs or even really enjoyed drinking. Me on the other hand, have been using xanax for a couple of years and I also have been smoking pot since I am the age of 14, with drinking in there a bit as well (nothing crazy). I met her at the age of 16, she was 14 at the time. We were together a third of our lives. I never really had any ambition while we were going out as I always was smoking weed and just selling it to get by. I was satisfied with a hot girl, free time, and supporting my own habit, plus the extra cash. I even felt I did not need to be with my friends as all we needed was each other at the time. After high school, we both went to the same college and took classes together. I was a dick, I will admit it. I did not treat her like she deserved to be treated. I always was on the "lookout" and "accusing" her of shit because I did not trust myself (still don't), and when you do not trust yourself, you assume everyone else is doing the same thing or is the same way. Eventually, she started looking at hanging out with me as a chore because of this. I saw it right away, I would ask her to do this or do that and she would always say "ok" and then it would not happen.
She started working ALOTTT. She was constantly babysitting and going to class. She was overwhelmed with stress (probably still is). I feel like she really did not know how to control it, and me at the same time. People might assume there was someone else at the time that this part of the relationship began, but she hates cheaters and I know her like the back of my hand. I mean I knew her all of her adult life, as she did with me. Now I have not talked to her in over a month like I already stated......
Now there might be another dude, but I highly doubt it knowing this girl and her ways. I asked if there was a guy in the scene a couple months after the breakup and she said "I won't have a guy in my life, including you (referring to me) until I finish college. College is my boyfriend right now." She said it angrily as she felt like she was always answering to me (and she was). Like I said, I would interrogate her because I did not trust myself, so I thought she was the same, and that made our situation bad.
This is the longest we have gone without talking to each other ever I am pretty sure. I get by using my xanax to escape, but in reality, I am still so attached to this girl. I called her my girlfriend just until recently when someone stated shes not my girlfriend anymore because I was so accustomed to it. I am still not even really used to this. So like I said, the last time I spoke to her was December 25th. She said Merry Christmas to me basically at 12:00 am of Dec 26th, I sent a merry christmas back the next day.
Before this we had plans to go see a broadway show together before the holidays. I knew she loved the movie Elf, and it recently came out on broadway. So I slipped it in there saying "I really want to see elf the musical". Knowing that she would say "me too!" which is exactly what she said. We were going to go together but she never got back to me with a set date to get the tickets for. She flaked again, probably overthinking like I do. She was most likely thinking that I am going to be on edge again and in interrogation mode.
Now, many people might be thinking that there is another person. I also question, but knowing the girl like I do, I HIGHLY doubt it. She is not really social either. Anyway, now I feel like we are both playing the waiting game to see who is going to message who first. I know it sounds stupid as we are not together and have not been for a long time, but when there is this much history, I feel the situation is a little different. I am not even sure if she is playing the waiting game or just is doing her own thing or whatever else may be going on...but she knows me, and she knows that I still care and I feel she thinks it is a matter of time until I talk to her (all speculation). My plan was to wait till the warmer weather rolled around as EVERYONE around here (NY), seems to get the winter blues and just mind there own business. I have a feeling she is going to message me when that first hint of spring is in the air and ask me to go out for a cup of coffee or something (all just more speculation but it has happened before).
Playing these games with her, or being in this situation has done a serious number to my life and health. I do not want to "wait" for something that might not even come. But I figured I waited this long, why not wait a little longer to see if it happens.....Should I start a conversation or wait for that warmer days for her to contact me like I am thinking? Some people may think that waiting for spring is stupid, but we both (and ALOT of people around here) are just not motivated or themselves in the cold, boring winter....
