aluminium-train
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2014
- Messages
- 11
So, I've been a regular cocaine user for the past four years - started injecting almost two years ago. Since my first big shot it has been a hell of a role. It was almost like falling obsessedly in love...
Although my drug use didn't start out as an 'escape', I've been dealing with depression for a long time now, and eventually both paths crossed - I was hooked. I didn't have much information then, and didn't care much for my life. I kept shooting up, so I wouldn't have to cope with living. And it was the darkest time of my life.
Thing is, I think I do care now. At least I want to; I want to get better, and even though I know it does get easier with time, the past few weeks have been unbearable. Almost every day I wonder what'd be like if I fucked up again.
My first relapse was about five months ago, and I really haven't used that much since (I overdosed, twice, and got terribly scared of dying, which made me stop at that time). But it's all I think about now. I am trying therapy (to deal with all of my issues, including this), but still, I miss my white lady. I think about it every day, and have to keep distracting myself with whatever other stuff all the time just so I can postpone my possible upcoming relapse.
I wanted to ask for advice - how do I keep dealing with sobriety when I can no longer see a way out of my addiction?
I feel like I have been waiting for a good reason not to do it - which I can't find.
If you know what that feels like, if you know a way out, please, please tell me how.
Thank you.
Although my drug use didn't start out as an 'escape', I've been dealing with depression for a long time now, and eventually both paths crossed - I was hooked. I didn't have much information then, and didn't care much for my life. I kept shooting up, so I wouldn't have to cope with living. And it was the darkest time of my life.
Thing is, I think I do care now. At least I want to; I want to get better, and even though I know it does get easier with time, the past few weeks have been unbearable. Almost every day I wonder what'd be like if I fucked up again.
My first relapse was about five months ago, and I really haven't used that much since (I overdosed, twice, and got terribly scared of dying, which made me stop at that time). But it's all I think about now. I am trying therapy (to deal with all of my issues, including this), but still, I miss my white lady. I think about it every day, and have to keep distracting myself with whatever other stuff all the time just so I can postpone my possible upcoming relapse.
I wanted to ask for advice - how do I keep dealing with sobriety when I can no longer see a way out of my addiction?
I feel like I have been waiting for a good reason not to do it - which I can't find.
If you know what that feels like, if you know a way out, please, please tell me how.
Thank you.
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