how to curse yourself (and wait for the evening)

[skjalff]

may be someone will see him/herself in this...


so I'm 21.
and i will graduate
i think i owe my dad
i will find a job
and i will be waking up
at seven 5 days a week
likely to spend 12 hours
doing what I was trained to do
for 5 years
and then I will find my future wife
because I cant stay with you
because i cant change anything
because i am a fucking coward
and then i will marry this woman
i dont yet know
then i will become a father
9 months later
and you will send me a letter with congratulations
and i will send one to you, a year later
that day i will curse myself
but i will live
because i have a job
because i have a son and a wife
because i am a fucking coward
and then i will age for another 40 years
like good wine in a wooden barrel
1 day at a time. 7 days a pop
365 days a mark
and every nineteenth of december
and every sixteenth of june
another brick will be secured
in the gigantic wall
between my dream
and my barrel
and my son will be there with me
and he'll look up
and i will talk to him
about the beauty of the barrel walls
so firm and sturdy
and he will listen..
and his grand father will be proud of me
I am his prize race horse, his story of success
his Sputnik sent into space
And somewhere across the Atlantic
you will be aging along with me
and so will your child
and then one day i will look back
and state the obvious
i never wanted any of this
I just wanted you
I just wanted to be free
I just wanted to be happy
and then will come the realization
That 60 is the end of this successful life
and its a little late to think about all this
kind of like a long shitty day
at 6pm you just stop caring
you just want to go home and fall asleep
except there will be no morning
no waking i will care about
I know All this will happen if I 'succeed'
so what if I fail and catch a flight back
and you will fill my life with endless joy and contentment
i want it more than anything
but I will not fail
I will succeed
because I can
because I must
because i'm a fucking coward

ode to the inevitable






skjalff

 

[Dekloren]

Aha

Cheers

 

[Pickled]

I was on a similar path to this myself, but something inside of me broke and i decided fuck it.... time fo r a change in paths!!
I really liked this

 

[froggygirl]

I like it too, very nice...

made me think about where my life is actually going right now..
Thanks

 

[onetwothreefour]

i really like this. i think you captured the feeling of inevitability really well, and that actually seemed the perfect way to end it.

nice work.

 

[cherub]

Great piece with alot of insight in it. good job !

 

[neverwas]

excellently put together

 

[TiberCross]

i liked it alot. (i would expound on why i like it, but i think the previous posters' have covered all the points.)

 

[Dastrix Slogan]

skjalff, this has been my scream every day for the last 10 years. I'm 31 now and it just gets louder. This is your most personal piece yet - it really hits home - like your kinda looking into my head!

I don't see myself in this - it is me!!

 

[tlp]

just excelent! hopefully you are not really in such situation, otherwise, you could be 'fucking coward' indeed. it's not late to take her with you - why not?

 

[up all night]

I loved the sentiment behind this one because I feel exactly the same way most of the time.