BeatTheSickness
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2016
- Messages
- 81
So you're sick of getting your ass kicked for what seems an eternity - forced to listen to the world go by (fucking cars and birds), as you toss and turn, and can't help but notice it's been 4:02 for the last ten minutes for fucks sake! You semi-viciously bite at your fingernails while getting up every 10 to 15 minutes either to urinate or have extremely uncomfortable / painful diarrhea, and simultaneously vomiting and yawning so hard it hurts your jaw, which then causes your eyes to water. The tears now make the total number of fluids simultaneously coming out of your body three (not counting drool). Then, when you finally do manage to lay still and desperately (and we mean at the point where you begin punching the wall, yelling and cursing type desperately. . .) chase after even the shortest moment of comfort, and you find that living hell's volume knob almost gets turned down for even so much as a precious half of a notch! At last! Your eyelids begin to seem like they could possibly close on their own for just a moment, and suddenly, the noises of cars and birds and that FUCKING asshole with his table saw outside begin to fade and we are just so overwhelmed with how much time has been spent feeling like this. . . and how every time this happens we become just a little bit more insane. It is too taxing on your soul, man. But this is it - finally! . . . you might actually be able to steal even just a half hour of some unconsciousness. . . 30 freaking minutes man. . .you've earned it. . .
And then,
For the thousandth FUCKING time
your whole body twitches hard, causing you to gasp in an anxious surprise as you are really quite shocked at how involuntary, how intense, how powerful this whole jolt of anxiety seems to be and it just fcking spawns out of nowhere! With no light at the end of the tunnel dude! Unbelievable. Oh, yeah, by the way, you look over at the clock, and it still says 4:02. Ohp, no there it goes, 4:03. You tell yourself, "there IS an end to this. . .you WILL feel better". Your brain sends many distress signals to other parts of your body because it doesn't have access to that fucking shit.
The healing process is so slow and painful, every time you've given up and surrendered to go clean because there was absolutely no way you were going to be able to get any more money, or you were taking an honest stab at going cold-turkey because you really want to quit, SOMEHOW you always come up with the money to get some dope because you just canNOT fucking take it anymore. You dealt with it for 42 hours or however long it took you to break. And by IT I mean the overwhelming withdrawal, not the time in between when you start IT and after your last hit / line / puff. all you want to do is just be able to go to sleep. Please!! Seriously, like begging the eternal forces of the universe to just .. please .. and the constant sneezing ... 8(
- Enough! -
There are so many messed up feelings and emotions that come along with the physical pain and suffering of withdrawal that you cannot accurately explain to someone who has not experienced the kick what it really feels like. I mean it when I say that it taxes your soul. I am writing this in hopes that it helps another individual who is lost in the peril and throws of opiate withdrawal.
If you're anything like me, you don't have extra cash just laying around to get all of these nice Benzo's that are suggested in most threads regarding strategies to counter opiate WD, or you cannot find them. Those, or all of the L-Tyroseines and Loperamides and all of those other things included in "The Thomas Method" and in other people's suggestions that sound very nice while WD'ing. If you have access to benzos - I say go for it. Yes, you are now at risk of developing another addiction that can actually kill you, but anybody who has experienced intense WD knows how desperate you are to just get a moment of relaxation. Well, my friends, I have the solution to end this fucking nightmare that once again, if you are anything like me, are so restless you have nothing better to do right now but look up potential remedies that are available to you at this moment. In fact, let's take a moment to realize how much time has already been spent away from focusing on the agony already, as you read this.
This, however, should turn on a light bulb about our addictions regarding instant gratification. You'll find throughout many different threads involve those who have made it to the other side, and often talked about is the other half of your addiction. Right now we are dealing with the physical side.Then you must address the mental or behavioral side of the addiction. Why did you start using in the first place? Ask yourself if you have an underlying or hidden interest in using, again, once you have acquired another means of income, and have taken care of some important things that got neglected while you were destroying you other means of income, again. Usually the answer is no, because the WD is so intense, it's like after a night of heavy drinking many people will say, "I'm never drinking again...". But you and only you know deep down inside.
Anyways, the solution to beating this hellish opiate withdrawal you may be currently experiencing is this: Just stop using them.
You can try to wean yourself off of it with the actual drug itself if you don't have access to some Methadone or Suboxone, but I'm sure you already know the dangers of getting into those drugs. I often read methadone/sub withdrawal is worse than heroin withdrawal. If you want to try and wean yourself with heroin itself so you can avoid serious withdrawal, it is possible, but I highly recommend you have a friend that you can trust who will not flush your stash administer doses to you, so you cannot be in control. Keep in mind that if this is going to work there will be long stretches of time in which you will still be feel WD symptoms. The idea is to avoid the severity. After you find the strength, etc. you can determine how strong of a dose you should take each time. If you are an intravenous user, perhaps you can insufflate your substance (I don't know if that would make a big difference or not) but what I DO want you to remember is:
A) How lucky you are that you even have this available to make it easier for you. I want to you close your eyes and remember exactly how arduous of an experience it is to go days without. This is an important topic that you should continue to discuss with your friend who is taking care of you, or just to reflect upon by yourself if you do not have someone who can take care of you, and again, be strict when it comes to adhering to your tapering / weaning schedule.
B) Do not cheat your schedule. When you really think about this whole fiasco, it can be quite simple: You either want to fucking quit doing it, or you still want to do it. You know, deep down inside, whether or not you want to continue to abuse this substance. You've had some great times enjoying dope, and you've also probably done some things you regret in order to feed your habit. Anybody who has made it to the other side will tell you eventually, whether you are going cold-turkey or not, you begin to re-discover what life was like before you started depending on these substances. My friends, when you notice that you start to feel better it will feel just as empowering if not more than it does to take a hit. Remember, the second half of this is all psychological and you need to understand that you must learn how to live life again without this little secret habit to depend on for happiness. It is a very strange feeling to describe, but, every time I've gotten clean and I am faced with a task or trigger that I would normally snort a line of heroin in order to mentally overcome or enjoy the unpleasant task or event that I just generally do not care for, I indeed feel a sense of empowerment, perhaps because I now contain the knowledge of what it was like to be on dope, but also just how difficult it was to over come them. Do I miss it? Fuck yeah I do. Do I know that even if I had the means to screw around with it again that I would eventually just end up back in the same place? Yes, but do I feel like I don't care and would do it anyways? Yes. That is why you must lastly,
C) In addition to having a friend take care of you who can administer doses when the going gets tough, I highly recommend you plan to fill your schedule up for the time after you are done weaning or just going cold-turkey. This could be a job, residential in-patient facility or group home for recovering addicts, volunteer work, school, hobbies/sports/etc. Think about it, man. Yeah you're not only addicted to dope but if you're anything like me you're addicted to vegging out in front of the T.V. and just living on clouds for the whole day. YOU CANT just get clean, and expect yourself to enjoy life after that if you don't take care of the behavioral side of your addiction. This is why many recovering addicts are exercise junkies. It doesn't matter if it's signing up for boot camp, or going to a rehab home, you cannot expect yourself to stay clean if all you plan on doing after you beat the sickness is to do the same things that you have been doing while you were using.
So yes, you can buy Imodium, Loperamide, GABA-esque products, Melatonin, Vitamins, DXM, Allergy meds, etc. but I actually do recommend some very high quality pot if you can afford it and are willing to spend it on something else other than more dope (if you like marijuana). It WILL spark your appetite and that along with hot showers / baths will buy you some time away from WD. Don't drink alcohol in excess. Use of some may take the edge off but ultimately it is just going to cost you if you overdo it. Avoid sleeping pills and that bullshit if you are going cold-turkey. You will regret every minute of those coursing through your system as they will make you even weaker and more dehydrated and you'll stumble on your way to the bathroom since you have to go every 10 minutes.
But seriously just hang in there! If you are fucked right now, and your skin is crawling, and its 4:02 A.M., and there is absolutely no way you are going to be able to get ANYTHING that will help you feel better right now, just hang in there. I feel your pain. Think of all the people who are struggling with opiate withdrawal right now at this minute, tossing and turning in their beds. Think of how lucky you might be if you even have a bed to toss and turn in - and god forbid you end up in jail. You have a safe place for right now. Even if its just for 60 seconds, run your head under the faucet with hot water. Do some push-ups and sit-ups or if you feel like you can, go running/treadmill.
I snorted small lines every 6-8 hours at first. Eventually I had worked to doing one or two small lines every twelve hours. This is of course after failing attempts at this weaning method because I would either cheat, or end up using my scheduled hit when I did not feel the need to. This is one of the most important steps. If your scheduled dose is near, and you aren't in extreme discomfort, dont fucking do it. It will be hard to, at first, because of how long you have abstained and feel that you've earned a nice warm cozy hit. But if you really are serious about stopping, just don't. If you attempt to do this method you will notice that you reach a certain point where you can go without any more dope and you must make the decision to abstain despite its availability. Smoke a bowl. Masturbate. Do ANYTHING besides put something inside of your body that will ultimately just cause you to spin your wheels in the mud, man!
You have to change your life. You NEED to learn how to not do it any more or else you will end up either dead or in jail, and we all know that. It is impossible to regulate this drug and just "only do a little" here and there. You've got to give it up - if you taper, it shouldn't be anything CLOSE to cold-turkey, because that is the whole point of this, but you shouldn't be feeling euphoric either. Again, the other half of the addiction - the behavior. If you're going to fix this problem, you need to fill up your time. Easier said than done, I know, it sounds like a drag. This is the depression controlling you. We have depleted all that serotonin and dopamine etc. and now it is going to take a considerable amount of time to get back to the point where your body is functioning normally. They say opiate withdrawal lasts a few days. Try several days. And you still don't feel normal until after about say roughly 30 days.
Lastly I will just say that of course it is not a good idea to beat your heroin problem with doing more heroin. This is obvious. The whole point in elaborating so much on the weaning method is because I was unable to find many posts regarding it when I was did my last kick and yet again, the symptoms were so severe I broke down and got some more. I mean this time my right chest and right lung started hurting very badly, and I think my last score was cut with fentanyl, which causes this extremely agonizing skin-crawling feeling. Whatever, it was too much. But, I stuck it out as long as I could, and got my friend to be in control of administering my doses. After about 8 days of tapering, I was able to go 24-36 hours without any at all. Yes, I was still sneezing four to five sneezes at a time, almost every 45 minutes. Yes my stomach still felt kind of knotted up, and yes my stool wasn't all the way solid again But I wasn't bed ridden, tossing or turning, actually got a few hours of sleep each night, smoked plenty of pot, ate SHITLOADS of food. Very impressed with that, again all of this is just in case you are like me and don't have money or the connection for benzo's, but I would highly recommend trying the Thomas method first if you are indeed able to procure xanax or any benzos. I just couldn't find much information elaborating on anybody's attempts to taper themselves off of it. I will also add that around days 7 8 and 9 when my doses became days apart there were indeed moments throughout the day where I felt like I was on the last day(s) of a cold-turkey kick. Reluctantly I just filled my time, and now here I am, it is Saturday night and I haven't used dope since Monday. I didn't have to go through any extremely intense WDs, and made it through. But now I am facing the other half of the addiction. The behavior. The depression, boredom, and anxiety are all just more symptoms of this. Keep smoking pot. Tell the world you are coming back, because we miss you.
Once, in a cold turkey kick I was in the worst of it and was fortunate enough to visit a sports club. I ran 1.7 miles on a treadmill, and then alternated between a hot-tub, pool, steam room, and sauna for about an hour and a half, just absolutely overwhelmed with withdrawal. Don't put yourself through hell if you don't have to. I mean, don't get me wrong, there have been several occasions as I said earlier where I have been forced to go days without, as most of you have too. I don't think it is a good idea to force yourself to go through severe WD if you don't have to. But if you have to, and then finally score some after a day or two of being in hell, try to wean. Don't get high. Just do a small amount. You've made it this far, and this isn't the first time you've been put in this situation where you now have a choice: Start over, or keep working to get clean. Again, people will say that it isn't a good idea, and honestly in text like this, it doesn't sound like a good idea at all. I just feel like these severe WD episodes make me feel like I am acquiring psychosis.
Long story short, you can't avoid it unless you get put in a self-induced coma. I did meet a fella at a detox center who went through the self-induced coma. He said they had him asleep for a few days or a week I can't remember, but he said when he woke up he had a huge headache. I dunno, I woudn't mind trying it since all I seem to want to do while WDing is go to sleep.
Hang in there. You're not alone. I know everything seems really crazy right now. Good luck, and I can't wait for you to start feeling better.
P.S. really want to quit and prove to yourself you're done? Delete the numbers out of your phone
And then,
For the thousandth FUCKING time
your whole body twitches hard, causing you to gasp in an anxious surprise as you are really quite shocked at how involuntary, how intense, how powerful this whole jolt of anxiety seems to be and it just fcking spawns out of nowhere! With no light at the end of the tunnel dude! Unbelievable. Oh, yeah, by the way, you look over at the clock, and it still says 4:02. Ohp, no there it goes, 4:03. You tell yourself, "there IS an end to this. . .you WILL feel better". Your brain sends many distress signals to other parts of your body because it doesn't have access to that fucking shit.
The healing process is so slow and painful, every time you've given up and surrendered to go clean because there was absolutely no way you were going to be able to get any more money, or you were taking an honest stab at going cold-turkey because you really want to quit, SOMEHOW you always come up with the money to get some dope because you just canNOT fucking take it anymore. You dealt with it for 42 hours or however long it took you to break. And by IT I mean the overwhelming withdrawal, not the time in between when you start IT and after your last hit / line / puff. all you want to do is just be able to go to sleep. Please!! Seriously, like begging the eternal forces of the universe to just .. please .. and the constant sneezing ... 8(
- Enough! -
There are so many messed up feelings and emotions that come along with the physical pain and suffering of withdrawal that you cannot accurately explain to someone who has not experienced the kick what it really feels like. I mean it when I say that it taxes your soul. I am writing this in hopes that it helps another individual who is lost in the peril and throws of opiate withdrawal.
If you're anything like me, you don't have extra cash just laying around to get all of these nice Benzo's that are suggested in most threads regarding strategies to counter opiate WD, or you cannot find them. Those, or all of the L-Tyroseines and Loperamides and all of those other things included in "The Thomas Method" and in other people's suggestions that sound very nice while WD'ing. If you have access to benzos - I say go for it. Yes, you are now at risk of developing another addiction that can actually kill you, but anybody who has experienced intense WD knows how desperate you are to just get a moment of relaxation. Well, my friends, I have the solution to end this fucking nightmare that once again, if you are anything like me, are so restless you have nothing better to do right now but look up potential remedies that are available to you at this moment. In fact, let's take a moment to realize how much time has already been spent away from focusing on the agony already, as you read this.
This, however, should turn on a light bulb about our addictions regarding instant gratification. You'll find throughout many different threads involve those who have made it to the other side, and often talked about is the other half of your addiction. Right now we are dealing with the physical side.Then you must address the mental or behavioral side of the addiction. Why did you start using in the first place? Ask yourself if you have an underlying or hidden interest in using, again, once you have acquired another means of income, and have taken care of some important things that got neglected while you were destroying you other means of income, again. Usually the answer is no, because the WD is so intense, it's like after a night of heavy drinking many people will say, "I'm never drinking again...". But you and only you know deep down inside.
Anyways, the solution to beating this hellish opiate withdrawal you may be currently experiencing is this: Just stop using them.
You can try to wean yourself off of it with the actual drug itself if you don't have access to some Methadone or Suboxone, but I'm sure you already know the dangers of getting into those drugs. I often read methadone/sub withdrawal is worse than heroin withdrawal. If you want to try and wean yourself with heroin itself so you can avoid serious withdrawal, it is possible, but I highly recommend you have a friend that you can trust who will not flush your stash administer doses to you, so you cannot be in control. Keep in mind that if this is going to work there will be long stretches of time in which you will still be feel WD symptoms. The idea is to avoid the severity. After you find the strength, etc. you can determine how strong of a dose you should take each time. If you are an intravenous user, perhaps you can insufflate your substance (I don't know if that would make a big difference or not) but what I DO want you to remember is:
A) How lucky you are that you even have this available to make it easier for you. I want to you close your eyes and remember exactly how arduous of an experience it is to go days without. This is an important topic that you should continue to discuss with your friend who is taking care of you, or just to reflect upon by yourself if you do not have someone who can take care of you, and again, be strict when it comes to adhering to your tapering / weaning schedule.
B) Do not cheat your schedule. When you really think about this whole fiasco, it can be quite simple: You either want to fucking quit doing it, or you still want to do it. You know, deep down inside, whether or not you want to continue to abuse this substance. You've had some great times enjoying dope, and you've also probably done some things you regret in order to feed your habit. Anybody who has made it to the other side will tell you eventually, whether you are going cold-turkey or not, you begin to re-discover what life was like before you started depending on these substances. My friends, when you notice that you start to feel better it will feel just as empowering if not more than it does to take a hit. Remember, the second half of this is all psychological and you need to understand that you must learn how to live life again without this little secret habit to depend on for happiness. It is a very strange feeling to describe, but, every time I've gotten clean and I am faced with a task or trigger that I would normally snort a line of heroin in order to mentally overcome or enjoy the unpleasant task or event that I just generally do not care for, I indeed feel a sense of empowerment, perhaps because I now contain the knowledge of what it was like to be on dope, but also just how difficult it was to over come them. Do I miss it? Fuck yeah I do. Do I know that even if I had the means to screw around with it again that I would eventually just end up back in the same place? Yes, but do I feel like I don't care and would do it anyways? Yes. That is why you must lastly,
C) In addition to having a friend take care of you who can administer doses when the going gets tough, I highly recommend you plan to fill your schedule up for the time after you are done weaning or just going cold-turkey. This could be a job, residential in-patient facility or group home for recovering addicts, volunteer work, school, hobbies/sports/etc. Think about it, man. Yeah you're not only addicted to dope but if you're anything like me you're addicted to vegging out in front of the T.V. and just living on clouds for the whole day. YOU CANT just get clean, and expect yourself to enjoy life after that if you don't take care of the behavioral side of your addiction. This is why many recovering addicts are exercise junkies. It doesn't matter if it's signing up for boot camp, or going to a rehab home, you cannot expect yourself to stay clean if all you plan on doing after you beat the sickness is to do the same things that you have been doing while you were using.
So yes, you can buy Imodium, Loperamide, GABA-esque products, Melatonin, Vitamins, DXM, Allergy meds, etc. but I actually do recommend some very high quality pot if you can afford it and are willing to spend it on something else other than more dope (if you like marijuana). It WILL spark your appetite and that along with hot showers / baths will buy you some time away from WD. Don't drink alcohol in excess. Use of some may take the edge off but ultimately it is just going to cost you if you overdo it. Avoid sleeping pills and that bullshit if you are going cold-turkey. You will regret every minute of those coursing through your system as they will make you even weaker and more dehydrated and you'll stumble on your way to the bathroom since you have to go every 10 minutes.
But seriously just hang in there! If you are fucked right now, and your skin is crawling, and its 4:02 A.M., and there is absolutely no way you are going to be able to get ANYTHING that will help you feel better right now, just hang in there. I feel your pain. Think of all the people who are struggling with opiate withdrawal right now at this minute, tossing and turning in their beds. Think of how lucky you might be if you even have a bed to toss and turn in - and god forbid you end up in jail. You have a safe place for right now. Even if its just for 60 seconds, run your head under the faucet with hot water. Do some push-ups and sit-ups or if you feel like you can, go running/treadmill.
I snorted small lines every 6-8 hours at first. Eventually I had worked to doing one or two small lines every twelve hours. This is of course after failing attempts at this weaning method because I would either cheat, or end up using my scheduled hit when I did not feel the need to. This is one of the most important steps. If your scheduled dose is near, and you aren't in extreme discomfort, dont fucking do it. It will be hard to, at first, because of how long you have abstained and feel that you've earned a nice warm cozy hit. But if you really are serious about stopping, just don't. If you attempt to do this method you will notice that you reach a certain point where you can go without any more dope and you must make the decision to abstain despite its availability. Smoke a bowl. Masturbate. Do ANYTHING besides put something inside of your body that will ultimately just cause you to spin your wheels in the mud, man!
You have to change your life. You NEED to learn how to not do it any more or else you will end up either dead or in jail, and we all know that. It is impossible to regulate this drug and just "only do a little" here and there. You've got to give it up - if you taper, it shouldn't be anything CLOSE to cold-turkey, because that is the whole point of this, but you shouldn't be feeling euphoric either. Again, the other half of the addiction - the behavior. If you're going to fix this problem, you need to fill up your time. Easier said than done, I know, it sounds like a drag. This is the depression controlling you. We have depleted all that serotonin and dopamine etc. and now it is going to take a considerable amount of time to get back to the point where your body is functioning normally. They say opiate withdrawal lasts a few days. Try several days. And you still don't feel normal until after about say roughly 30 days.
Lastly I will just say that of course it is not a good idea to beat your heroin problem with doing more heroin. This is obvious. The whole point in elaborating so much on the weaning method is because I was unable to find many posts regarding it when I was did my last kick and yet again, the symptoms were so severe I broke down and got some more. I mean this time my right chest and right lung started hurting very badly, and I think my last score was cut with fentanyl, which causes this extremely agonizing skin-crawling feeling. Whatever, it was too much. But, I stuck it out as long as I could, and got my friend to be in control of administering my doses. After about 8 days of tapering, I was able to go 24-36 hours without any at all. Yes, I was still sneezing four to five sneezes at a time, almost every 45 minutes. Yes my stomach still felt kind of knotted up, and yes my stool wasn't all the way solid again
But I wasn't bed ridden, tossing or turning, actually got a few hours of sleep each night, smoked plenty of pot, ate SHITLOADS of food. Very impressed with that, again all of this is just in case you are like me and don't have money or the connection for benzo's, but I would highly recommend trying the Thomas method first if you are indeed able to procure xanax or any benzos. I just couldn't find much information elaborating on anybody's attempts to taper themselves off of it. I will also add that around days 7 8 and 9 when my doses became days apart there were indeed moments throughout the day where I felt like I was on the last day(s) of a cold-turkey kick. Reluctantly I just filled my time, and now here I am, it is Saturday night and I haven't used dope since Monday. I didn't have to go through any extremely intense WDs, and made it through. But now I am facing the other half of the addiction. The behavior. The depression, boredom, and anxiety are all just more symptoms of this. Keep smoking pot. Tell the world you are coming back, because we miss you. Once, in a cold turkey kick I was in the worst of it and was fortunate enough to visit a sports club. I ran 1.7 miles on a treadmill, and then alternated between a hot-tub, pool, steam room, and sauna for about an hour and a half, just absolutely overwhelmed with withdrawal. Don't put yourself through hell if you don't have to. I mean, don't get me wrong, there have been several occasions as I said earlier where I have been forced to go days without, as most of you have too. I don't think it is a good idea to force yourself to go through severe WD if you don't have to. But if you have to, and then finally score some after a day or two of being in hell, try to wean. Don't get high. Just do a small amount. You've made it this far, and this isn't the first time you've been put in this situation where you now have a choice: Start over, or keep working to get clean. Again, people will say that it isn't a good idea, and honestly in text like this, it doesn't sound like a good idea at all. I just feel like these severe WD episodes make me feel like I am acquiring psychosis.
Long story short, you can't avoid it unless you get put in a self-induced coma. I did meet a fella at a detox center who went through the self-induced coma. He said they had him asleep for a few days or a week I can't remember, but he said when he woke up he had a huge headache. I dunno, I woudn't mind trying it since all I seem to want to do while WDing is go to sleep.
Hang in there. You're not alone. I know everything seems really crazy right now. Good luck, and I can't wait for you to start feeling better.
P.S. really want to quit and prove to yourself you're done? Delete the numbers out of your phone
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