trocious
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2010
- Messages
- 80
Hi all,
I'll start off by saying I'm 22. With all my drug and mental health issues, I've never had a steady relationship for more than a few months. For the first time ever, I've managed to stay with a lady about my age that I care very much about for four months by staying clean (mostly). However, I have relapsed here and there, more than she knows, and the couple times she has found out about have not been good (she is very against drugs).
I'm trying to figure out what I can do to better myself and be more engaged in the relationship, or in relationships in general. I feel somewhat behind the learning curve, for having my first serious relationship at 21-22.
She definitely has some legitimate complaints, some of which stem from my addictive personality or drug abuse.
1.) Obsession with sex. Some of this stems from when I abuse my stimulant medications and just want to have sex all night. A lot of times she either doesn't want to have sex, or wants to just cuddle and go to bed. Unfortunately, revved up as I get, it's hard to just cuddle and not want to fuck, and then sleep too.
2.) Lying or hiding things. Recently she found out I smoked pot with a friend, and to her that was a big deal that I hid it from her and she found out from someone else. A drug is a drug I suppose, so I want to respect her wishes in that department but I wish I could be honest about my addiction without her threatening to leave me.
3.) Pet peeves. She has a lot of pet peeves that bug her, a lot of which are things that keep her awake that I do heh. That's fixable.
What I'm concerned with is I'm wondering if I really love this girl, or did my meeting her, getting clean, and falling in love all coincide too perfectly? I can totally see how having a girlfriend (for the first time in a long time) has helped me stay clean and examine my life. But do I really love her, or do I love the sex, or do I love the security of knowing I'm attractive and worthy of a beautiful girl's love?
I'm trying to stay positive and be open to learning as much as I can. I've discovered a lot about myself in the last four months, and a lot about women and relationships in general. I feel like we're still early and getting to know each other, although a couple months ago I would have told you I wanted to marry this girl. Now I'm not so sure, after taking a step back. Maybe a short break up and the threat thereof makes one re-examine a relationship. What we've decided is that we're going to be more open and talk more deeply about things, also abstaining from sex for a period to prove to her that I'm not dating her just to have sex. These actually sound like good ideas to me, because I'm honestly not sure if that's the main reason I care so much about this girl. While I don't think so, we come from different worlds in a lot of ways, and I don't know if they're complementary or incompatible (working class parents for her, not a lot of money growing up, vs. me who came from a upper-middle class family, I don't think about money I think about dreams and passion in life, she thinks about bills).
Interesting nonetheless!
Basically, what I would like from SLR is some advice or comments on what they think about my relationship, my attitude, and the development of relationships in early adulthood in general. Personal experiences and anecdotes are welcomed!
I'll start off by saying I'm 22. With all my drug and mental health issues, I've never had a steady relationship for more than a few months. For the first time ever, I've managed to stay with a lady about my age that I care very much about for four months by staying clean (mostly). However, I have relapsed here and there, more than she knows, and the couple times she has found out about have not been good (she is very against drugs).
I'm trying to figure out what I can do to better myself and be more engaged in the relationship, or in relationships in general. I feel somewhat behind the learning curve, for having my first serious relationship at 21-22.
She definitely has some legitimate complaints, some of which stem from my addictive personality or drug abuse.
1.) Obsession with sex. Some of this stems from when I abuse my stimulant medications and just want to have sex all night. A lot of times she either doesn't want to have sex, or wants to just cuddle and go to bed. Unfortunately, revved up as I get, it's hard to just cuddle and not want to fuck, and then sleep too.
2.) Lying or hiding things. Recently she found out I smoked pot with a friend, and to her that was a big deal that I hid it from her and she found out from someone else. A drug is a drug I suppose, so I want to respect her wishes in that department but I wish I could be honest about my addiction without her threatening to leave me.
3.) Pet peeves. She has a lot of pet peeves that bug her, a lot of which are things that keep her awake that I do heh. That's fixable.
What I'm concerned with is I'm wondering if I really love this girl, or did my meeting her, getting clean, and falling in love all coincide too perfectly? I can totally see how having a girlfriend (for the first time in a long time) has helped me stay clean and examine my life. But do I really love her, or do I love the sex, or do I love the security of knowing I'm attractive and worthy of a beautiful girl's love?
I'm trying to stay positive and be open to learning as much as I can. I've discovered a lot about myself in the last four months, and a lot about women and relationships in general. I feel like we're still early and getting to know each other, although a couple months ago I would have told you I wanted to marry this girl. Now I'm not so sure, after taking a step back. Maybe a short break up and the threat thereof makes one re-examine a relationship. What we've decided is that we're going to be more open and talk more deeply about things, also abstaining from sex for a period to prove to her that I'm not dating her just to have sex. These actually sound like good ideas to me, because I'm honestly not sure if that's the main reason I care so much about this girl. While I don't think so, we come from different worlds in a lot of ways, and I don't know if they're complementary or incompatible (working class parents for her, not a lot of money growing up, vs. me who came from a upper-middle class family, I don't think about money I think about dreams and passion in life, she thinks about bills).
Interesting nonetheless!
Basically, what I would like from SLR is some advice or comments on what they think about my relationship, my attitude, and the development of relationships in early adulthood in general. Personal experiences and anecdotes are welcomed!
