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How to approach/talk to people without being Awkward..

hmmm...it's an idea, but, damn... I guess I shouldn't be cheap. I was gonna say I don't wanna have to buy a pack of cigs again since I quit, I don't have a job at the moment so any purchase is like a permanent reduction in my lifestyle lol. Do girls like menthols or regs? I'm pretty sure more like menthols or lights...hmm... I don't wanna be lame with a pack of camel crush's. Lol I wonder if camel crushes were made for this sort of thing, if you don't know if the girl will like menthol or regular. I mean I guess I could always go with Newports, but people who don't have a ghetto bone in their body wouldn't like that and they'd shit over my Newport offer. lol the politics of cigarette brands. Maybe I could just walk up to people who have guitars and start convos that way, but with the weather turning all the guitars are about to go away pretty soon.
I'm sure once I play a few more open mics and do the interactive projects in my studio classes I'll have more than enough people wanting to talk to me through that. I really just want to start a band situation up ASAP. That'll vault me ahead.

I've considered wearing a white piece of paper and use permanent marker and write "want to form a band ASAP" and tape it to my chest, but I think I'll just get the dorks who think it's funny and not weird if I go that route.

The chicks are just where the fun times are, so if I am in a band and responsible for a gathering of fun-ness, that's all I'll need.
 
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Grab your balls, take a deep breath, and then go for it. I was like you a little over a year ago. I quit doing a lot of the drugs I was doing (MDMA, Alcohol, Cigarettes and Opiates, though I am still doing psyches and Weed), started going to the gym, and most importantly I started throwing myself in social situations. I was like one of the above posters, who tends to jumble their words. For me it wasn't all about nervousness for me jumbling my words - even though that played a part - but a combination of nervousness/excitement/I try to express my thoughts too quickly. That's why I threw the deep breath in there. Always does the trick and reminds me that I actually need to take my time to verbalize my thoughts for people to understand them.

Another approach is the DGAF approach. This one works really well. Seriously. One thing that always held me back was taking dating/talking to people too seriously. I was always going into it thinking "Shit, I hope these people like me". What I was trying which was going wrong for me, was that I was going in there always trying to make that friend or get that date, instead of just talking to the person. Once I started just simply talking with no expectations entering the conversation, my luck started to get much better (but again, this was after months of going to the gym and trial and error, which I noticed really helped my confidence). If the conversation happened to be awkward, I up-held the DGAF approach and honestly didn't give a fuck and moved on. The worst thing that can happen is that the conversation is ephemeral.

As a final note, try and talk to/interact with as many people as possible. Despite what I previously thought, people do remember that person who held the door, talked to them in-line at Starbucks etc and will be thankful for it. Me personally, that shit makes my day; kind strangers. Sure, it doesn't mean you're going to fuck that night, or get a new friend, but it builds confidence, gives you more practice and if you happen to see that specific person again, you have some previous conversation to build upon.
 
I get nervous when I first talk to people too. For me, the only thing that has helped is doing it a lot. The more you do it, the better you will get at it and the less nervous you will be. I don't usually go up to random people on the street, but if you're at a party or a class or something, just try and think of something you have in common with them, and ask them a question or make a statement about it... or give them a compliment, that's always a great way to start a conversation. You don't have to be funny or amazingly charming or cute, honestly when people are obviously trying to do that it annoys me. Just try and relax and be yourself. Don't worry about being awkward, I'm awkward often and sometimes people like it and it makes them laugh. People are going to want to continue talking to you if you seem nice, down to earth, and you're fun to talk to. And the more often you force yourself to do it, the more you will be these things.

If you look at this thread, you will see a TON of people feel the same way you do. If I feel nervous around someone it helps to remind myself that they are probably as nervous as I am.
 
Well, about 6 months ago I started working as a bike messenger. Before that, I always felt awkward in social situations and felt like anything that came out of my mouth was thought to be stupid or just not important. But as a bike messenger, I deal with people constantly. Whether it's yelling for people to watch where they're walking, making small talk in an elevator, or conversing while I am making a delivery, I realized that no body is perfect and every one stumbles on their words or just acts a little awkward sometimes. Seeing this in person made me feel a whole lot more confident about the way I carry myself and how I act in social situations.

So just remember, OP, we're all human. No one is perfect and everyone is bound to slip up and be a lil awkward every now and then. There's no reason to let this fear keep you from meeting people.
 
mrs_mia_wallace said:
I get nervous when I first talk to people too. For me, the only thing that has helped is doing it a lot. The more you do it, the better you will get at it and the less nervous you will be. I don't usually go up to random people on the street, but if you're at a party or a class or something, just try and think of something you have in common with them, and ask them a question or make a statement about it... or give them a compliment, that's always a great way to start a conversation. You don't have to be funny or amazingly charming or cute, honestly when people are obviously trying to do that it annoys me. Just try and relax and be yourself. Don't worry about being awkward, I'm awkward often and sometimes people like it and it makes them laugh. People are going to want to continue talking to you if you seem nice, down to earth, and you're fun to talk to. And the more often you force yourself to do it, the more you will be these things.

If you look at this thread, you will see a TON of people feel the same way you do. If I feel nervous around someone it helps to remind myself that they are probably as nervous as I am.
Click to expand...

Mia wallace! Wassap!?!
 
practice makes perfect.

smile - make eye contact - walk steadily towards them, not shuffle awkwardly, you don't even have to talk much just say hi and enquire how they're doing, but it will build confidence - trust me.

the people you do know, just hang out and talk to them about what they wanna do - engage them in conversation, after observing what they're interested in, and asking them to explain it, or whatever.


If there's people you wanna know, then just ask lots of questions about them, get to know them.

It does get easier, you just need to put yourself out there, to get rid of your anxious habits...
 
I like the cigarette idea. I used to roll cigarettes to give my hands something to do, and I'd carry them around in a cigarette case. All the friends I made in the first week of college were people I met rolling cigarettes and bumming them out. It works just as well with packs, but if you are good at rolling cigarettes it is a lot cheaper and also a conversation topic.

My favorite pick up line for girls is to say "Hey, wanna buy me a drink" or "coffee" if you don't drink. If done with correctly with a big shit-eating grin, she is guaranteed to laugh, maybe even buy you a drink. If she doesn't at least smile then she is a probably some crazy stuck up broad who you don't want to have anything to do with anyway. See, it is a pick up line, and a litmus test.

Anyway, that is clearly an unconventional and awkward thing to do, but it comes off as funny in the right context. The truth is that under that awkward shell you are really the funny guy. Being put off balance is part of what humor is all about.

+1 to listening also being important. Most people have some really interesting stories to tell if you ask the right questions. Just keep them talking about themselves and people will love you.
 
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I'd say keep trying even if you have awkward pauses. The problem is that your mind is locking up/you cant think of something to say.

If it's the first one, you probably need to keep putting yourself in embarassing situations. But you shouldn't feel odd standing next to someone. It's not your primary responsibility to make the conversation. And to be honest, it's probably just as awkward or more awkward feeling for them.
 
Aww guys thx; I think I just need to not give a fck I like that advice best... I worry too much and try to hard instead of just be myself..


Gotta just throw myself out there and say what's up
 
The problem with DGAFing is that its hard to actually internalize Not Giving a Fuck. Its easy to amp yourself up and then fail pretty hard when it comes time to actually approach. I know this because I have severe approach anxiety. Luckily I'm attractive so those times when the girl does the approaching it's pretty easy because I'm a good conversationalist and I do have some elements of game. But the actual approach I'm terrible at, and if I fail on the first approach I'm liable to be discouraged for the entire night.

For some reason as I get older and older girls just seem less and less approachable too. I don't know why, its like they're all married or something.

I don't know if you're like me, but I'm a perfectionist by nature (I expect success and nothing less) in a non-perfect social world. Sucks. Even if a girl rejects my approach for a legitimate reason (she has a boyfriend/married) I still internalize it as my own fault. It totally kills my buzz.

But what has worked for me is talking in the context of the situation. The easiest way to do this is to comment on a unique article of clothing that a girl is wearing (ie a headband, huge boots, etc). If you can make a joke out of it, you're golden, for some reason women love being made fun of. It automatically triggers some weird sexual perceptiveness in them. AN even better approach would be to talk about whatever is going on in the environment.....IE if you see a girl at a store in the mall, approach her by asking if a specific article of clothing looks good on you. IE if you're at a club ask her why she's standing there all alone. IE if you're in a bookstore, ask her to recommend you something non girlie (that way you can tell if she has substance right off the bat). Its easy to transition from there to background questions like are you in school, are you jailbait, can i suck yo titties, etc.

I know its easier said than done, I can barely do this myself. But if you approach them with the right confidence I guarantee it'll work more than you expect it to. What also works for me is light dose of LSD, it makes me sharper, more critical, and really easy to playfully banter with girls while their irises look crazy as fuck.

But as one final closing thought, if you think a girl looks *particularly* attractive, she might find YOU particularly attractive. Those special girls you can approach them on just about ANYTHING, literally, pick the first thing that came to your mind when you saw her (do a little word association), within 7 breaths think of how to frame the association as a question, and FUCKING GO WITH IT. Propz to anyone who caught the reference i used here. Damn this advice is good I might have to try it myself.....
 
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smile, make an interesting open ended statement about something, observe, listen, give an interesting answer, eye contact. connect. doesnt have to be solid eye contact the whole time. dont wait until the convo gets stale and awkward, have a little chat then say seeya and move on, carry on etc. nothing wrong with a little 1 or 2 minute convo with a stranger. sure fire way to build confidence. make a little comment or compliment. avoid a string of question asking
 
Start talking to anyone & everyone about everything & anything. Hell, ask the old lady at the grocery store which tomato to buy. Don't overthink it, just do it. Take it from a man with experience, some dumb shit will come out of your mouth once n' awhile. Oh, believe me on this one. But it gets better.
 
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cant be any worse than most of the dumb shit that comes out of peoples mouths when they're drunk lol
 
Ok guys another problem im having is looking at people... Like i walk around in complete tunnel vision.. Its like im afraid to look around and look at people its so weird...

Its like i walk around hundrerds of people everyday but never look who is around me..!!!

I dont want to creep people out by staring.. but jesus why cant i look at people???

SHould i always be aware of everyoen around me and look at them?
 
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