How to approach my doctor? Drug use issues - anxiety, depression, fear, lack of trust

[Drench]

Hi peeps, I'm looking for some advice on what would be the best way to approach my doctor regarding my current drug use and the unpleasant side effects which they seem to have left me with.

So this post makes a bit more sense I'll give you a little background info on my drug use, some of you may have followed a similar track yourselves, although I sincerely hope not. I smoked weed for the last 5 years - about 1g a day. After a couple years of smoking weed I got into MD - a lot, Ket - a lot, Coke - a little, Cid/Shrooms - a little. Next I discovered 'Research Chemicals', did MCAT - a lot, GBL - a lot, JWH & others - a lot, bk-MDMA - a little, Ethylphenidate - a little, 5/6 APB - a little.

Finally I discovered thy beloved Pharmaceuticals - I got into all sorts of Benzos - in large doses and Opiates (moderate doses) whilst carrying on smoking weed, doing the odd party drugs and messing with RC's.

After not too long I got heavily into Pharmaceuticals, lured by the false sense of security you get when you know you are taking a pure, trialled and tested chemical rather than something from the streets. I tried all sorts - uppers, downers, muscle relaxers, sleepers, anxiety meds etc. I quickly developed an addiction to Benzos (equiv. of 40mg Diaz per day), Pregabalin (Lyrica) - high doses daily, Baclofen (often), DHC (often), Morphine & others (now and then). Finally settled on 50ml/mg Methadone a day (street, not prescribed) and after a while I realised I really needed to sort myself out.

Going back a little bit - When I realised what a mess I had got myself into with Benzos I went to see a local G.P. who promptly set me up on a good, slow Diazepam taper. After a year I was off of Diazepam but during that time I had secretly replaced one addiction with another, I was now doing around a gram of Pregabalin a day. I went to the doctor again, he helped me taper of off Pregabalin. Surprise, surprise, I replaced this addiction with another and started taking Methadone daily, it seemed to be the only thing that would keep me chilled, remove anxiety, help me sleep and be generally more confident - That being the whole point of pretty much every downer pharm that I've ever done.

After about a year on Methadone I decided enough was enough, I went to my G.P. again and this time he refused to personally help me, understandably. He refereed me to a Methadone clinic where they pretty much took one look at me and told me that they didn't want to prescribe me Methadone. I asked both my G.P. and Clinic worker if they would prescribe me DHC slow release to help me taper off, they both said no so I managed to sort myself out enough DHC to go cold turkey from the Methadone, I also bought a decent amount of Diazepam to help me through

I managed to get myself of off the Methadone and down to a reasonable dose of DHC, unfortunately I had started another addiction to Diazepam.

That was a few months ago and now I take 10mg Diazepam /day and 60-120mg DHC /day. I am not particularly troubled about the DHC, I don't feel that as a major problem. It's the Diazepam that has me somewhat worried, as my doctor said he'll never prescribe me a Benzo again. Sometimes I lack the self-discipline to taper off properly on my own and I don't want to have to rely on dodgy sources. This isn't my biggest worry as I know I will be able to get myself of off those things if I try hard enough.

These are some of the health issues that are causing me serious problems in my day-to-day like at the moment -

Overwhelming feelings of fear/impending doom, shaking/sweating when under even minimal stress, a constant state of anxiety, always worrying, getting tongue tied easily, depression, lack of motivation, sometimes afraid to leave the house, unable to socialise properly, afraid to answer telephone calls, self-exclusion from social media, difficulty trusting people, difficulty talking to people unless I know and trust them very well, oh and I nearly forgot - short-medium term memory loss (pun intended lol )

I am afraid that when I go into the doctors and tell him the symptoms he will simply think I am after more drugs that I can abuse. That really isn't what I'm looking for, after all this drug abuse I just want to be able to live as normally as possible and get on with my life, that's something which feels impossible ATM. I'm concerned that the doctor may think that I'm the boy who cried 'wolf', come back again for another fix, even though each time I've been to see him I've had a genuine problem.

I have even started to find it difficult to connect with some of my closest friends and family and I am finding myself unable to work in any kind of pressurised job. I am not antisocial, lazy or work shy, quite the opposite in fact, but when I am at work or with people I'm only semi-comfortable with then the anxiety takes over my rational thoughts and leaves me about as useful as a chocolate teapot lol.

I had to walk out of my last job (first time I've ever quit a job) despite desperately needing the money as I simply couldn't handle the pressure/stress/anxiety

I have tried counseling (drug workers) and proper therapy but neither seemed to yield any useful results.

The only medication that has ever truly worked well for me was Pregabalin, in moderate to high doses. I think it's highly unlikely that they'll prescribe me that again. If offered, I will be wary of taking any kind of Anti-depressant as to me they've always appeared to do more harm than good.

What do you think I should tell my doctor? I will try and get a quick taper off of the Diazepam but that really isn't the main issue here.

Are there any good pharmaceuticals that I am completely forgetting about which would help to squash some of my problems?

I have tried Propanolol from the physical symptoms of anxiety and they just doesn't work. Benzos are a no go and I think it is unlikely that I will be prescribed Pregabalin or Gabapentin.

The doctor who I am going to see is an intelligent, friendly guy but he is from the old school...

I must add, doctors are one of the types of people who I have no problem trusting so that won't be an issue. I have an appointment booked for Wednesday afternoon.

Can anyone give recommendations on what stance to take, what to say/what not to say etc.? Any advce will be greatly appreciated. Also, if there is anyone else out there sharing similar symptoms it would be great to hear from you.

Peace, Drench

 

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

Hi Drench,

Bluelight isn't here to tell you what to say to your doctor to get a prescription. That is against the BLUA.

I understand that your situation is difficult and the only advice I can offer you is to be 100% honest with your doctor. If I was your doctor I'd be wary about prescribing you with anything either, you've replaced one addiction with another again and again. I think it may be time for you to look into a rehab to get you off Diaz.

 

[SteeleyJ]

Tell him exactly how you feel and what you are going through and the damage it has caused ( IE - job loss ). He knows you have a substance abuse problem and you are open with him. You may get gabapentin or pregabalin ( more likely gabapentin ), doctors ime like to script it when they're leary about the benzos.

Keep an open mind and take what he suggests, show him you're serious about treatment and are open to it. SSRIs will probably be scripted.

 

[froglegs]

You need to be completely honest with him. Tell him exactly what you wrote here. That you want nothing more than to be free of these drugs but you don't know how to break these addictions. Perhaps the catalyst to all this is some underlying condition. It's impossible to know until you abstain from all drug use. You need to get back to baseline (the drug free you) and then re-evaluate. Most importantly, you need to change your lifestyle. The reason so many addicts relapse is because they continue to live their drug induced lifestyle while sober. It's never too late to become the person you've always wanted to be.

 

[reyqaz]

Hey, i'd really want you to do what's good for you, that is tapering off the benzos and getting back to the way you have always wanted to be. Try new things, give atleast a minute of your time to explore something new and if it still doesn't amuse you, you can let it go. With time benzos take over our lives, and not in a good way, they want more and more and if not provided for we suffer the consequences of anxiety and other un wanted stuff.
I really had a hard time when i quit turkey from 100 mg to 0 when i moved abroad, those were some really hard days for me, I'm glad im still alive yay!
You know, every now and then even after being off benzos for year and half now, I still get these impulses, and they are strong impulses as though the dark side takes over control of me and makes me do anything to obtain them, but I try hard not to give into impulses, my decision making is based on it, I ask my self one thing:
Why am i doin this?
Is this going to help me in the long run and does it go according to my success in life plan?

If the answers seem non negotiable, I do anything to avoid the temptation, and boy it is very hard. Just lastnight I couldn't sleep and I was up till 7 in the morning, what saved me was the time, a cig - which i threw off half way through when i realized it was another impulse.

I wish you good luck Drench, don't give in to the dark side! ;D

 

[reyqaz]

I really think this is a good idea, just copy past this text, print and give it to the doctor, I did it once, it makes them believe that you are committed to solve a big problem.

You need to be completely honest with him. Tell him exactly what you wrote here. That you want nothing more than to be free of these drugs but you don't know how to break these addictions. Perhaps the catalyst to all this is some underlying condition. It's impossible to know until you abstain from all drug use. You need to get back to baseline (the drug free you) and then re-evaluate. Most importantly, you need to change your lifestyle. The reason so many addicts relapse is because they continue to live their drug induced lifestyle while sober. It's never too late to become the person you've always wanted to be.

 

[shreddedlettuce]

You need to find a doctor that understands your position.
Even if it is just a psychologist who you can speak to and then he/she could refer you to the right doctor/psychiatrist.

I'm going to move this to TDS instead of closing it here in OD.

Good luck.

OD---->TDS

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

^ I second the psychologist suggestion. It would be better for you to receive medication along with therapy so you have a doctor constantly monitoring your progress. The would probably be the only way for you to get prescribed anything else (and not to mention the help that you need).

 

[herbavore]

Rather than looking for solutions from a chemical substance, which has failed you before, why not look into other alternatives? When you heap the pile of dependence, side effects, increasing tolerance, the stress of legality/illegality etc on top of everything that made you seek this solution in the first place, it can become exponentially overwhelming fast.

What are the thoughts that attach to your anxiety? You can write them down and then resolve to work on them one at a time if necessary. Find a psychologist or therapist that you trust (integrity, complexity, open-minded). This may be difficult but so is chasing a perfect chemical solution.

 

[oxyschottin]

I feel that if you think the doc-patient relationship/trust is broken. You may need to find a new gp. I was going thru similar troubles with my primary doc and ended up switching to a new doc. It was A fresh start and I was able to develop a relationship based on my new found needs.