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how to approach a heroin addict

turkalurk

turkalurk

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 4, 2013
Messages
384
Location
Georgia, USA
I am looking for advice for how to get through to someone who obsessively shoots up heroin. He is only 22 years old. I know I can't control other's behavior, but if he dies I want to be able to say I did not enable him, and I gave it my best try.
 
It is a terribly painful position to be in--to love someone whose life is literally in danger because of their addiction. It's the most helpless feeling and my heart goes out to you. Here's what I learned:

Let the person know you love them. Let them also know that you are scared for them.

Be honest. Expect to be lied to because it comes with the territory but don't participate in the lies or delusions.

Never stop believing in the person's ability to regain their own life. People can recover from heroin addiction and they do it all the time.

Stay hopeful. Remember why you care about this person and remind them who they really are. Let them know your hope is based on what you know about the person--who he/she really is.Sometimes people that are in active addiction can no longer access hope in themselves, for themselves. Carry that hope for them.

Talk about meaningful things. There is usually trauma or deep sadness or fear underneath addiction. Talk about childhood, society, cultural expectations, family expectations and the way we all internalize negative views of ourselves. Sometimes the only thing people talk to drug addicts about is drugs. Drugs are a means to avoid or numb pain. What is the source of the pain?

Take care of yourself. Keep constant awareness that your only role as a friend is to be a friend, not to try to fix or take control. Know your boundaries and make them clear. Helping someone with food or a ride or dealing with getting help is different from lending money.
 
its just such a hard thing to do honestly... shit ive been clean for a couple months now and i dont even know howd id go about trying to get someone to stop using... even after i made my mind up to get clean it still took my 2-3 months before i stopped using all together and that was cause i caught a case and honestly had that not happened idk if i would have stopped... guess thats why they say most addicts are gona end up dead or in jail...

honestly if the person isnt ready to stop then there really isnt gona be anything at all you can do to make them... im sure this person already know what they are doing is dangerous and not good but when your in full blown addiction that shit just dont really matter...

but there are out patient programs and things along those lines you could help him look into... cause for real walking into those places by yourself is kinda scary and can be overwhelming esp if youve never been to one before... but i guess just stand by him as much as ya can and let him know your there and also everything herb suggested is pretty on point also sooo hopefully this is of some help for you...
 
The olny approach that ever helped me is someone sitting me down and calmly telling me how they felt. The main thing that got me wanting to get clean was a close friend sitting me down and sincerely telling me that he was scared. Scared i was gonna die and that he would loose his friend. Olny thing that helped really.
 
Thank you all very much! I didn't think I was going to get any responses. All very good advice and my brother knows how I feel. If he continues to ignore our please I will start pressing charges everytime he steals and forces us to contribute to his life threatening addiction. I can only imagine what its like to quit something like that. I can only compare it to my own experiences with pot, which is hard enough to stop. Its hard to stop the ways we habitually seek pleasure, but I can't imagine being sick if I try to stop. I'd feel so helpless.
 
^ smoking weed def helps out with the WDs... but yea deciding to stop smokin weed n stoppin H is two diff things all together... im not tryin to imply you said they were the same...
 
pill_billy said:
^ smoking weed def helps out with the WDs... but yea deciding to stop smokin weed n stoppin H is two diff things all together... im not tryin to imply you said they were the same...
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yeah, which is why I am cutting him slack and trying to protect and defend rather than condemn and shame.
 
If u can please try your best to understand why he's lying and stealing its not who he is addiction controls you and makes u do things u don't want to do. When people began going to the police on me i just felt so alone and like everyone had turned there back on me which resulted in me using more.
 
^The key word there is "try" though. If he refuses to enter into any dialog with you and would rather just continue to steal than you should call the Police the first time. Enabling his addiction by condoning theft is not helping him at all. Regardless of whether it "makes him feel" alone it's his own damn fault, and he knows it's wrong. If he wants help he can take your love and accept help. If he wants to keep using than he'll nod and then stab you in the back (more likely).
 
Although even when i was broke and very into my use with no motivation to get clean stealing from loved ones was never my thing. Yes I'll admit I've "borrowed" money lots of it. And used the hell out of people not my family much mainly dealers playing with there hearts trying to get a free fix, not proud of it. Oh and i lied and lied and lied.
 
Tacoma said:
If u can please try your best to understand why he's lying and stealing its not who he is addiction controls you and makes u do things u don't want to do. When people began going to the police on me i just felt so alone and like everyone had turned there back on me which resulted in me using more.
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he's been lying and stealing long before he got addicted to heroin. I believe my parent's lack of dicipline has lead to this addiction. He gets to avoid the consequences of his actions. All he gets is a verbal scolding and even that is minimal. I have already pressed charges against him, but not for stealing. I asked him if he could stop stealing from his mother. That I think he takes for granted that she doesn't have to let him and his girlfriend stay under her roof. Instead of acting remorseful he got defensive and aggressive and ended up spitting in my face and grabbing a sword like to intimidate me. He has burned through tens of thousands in the last few years since my dad passee away. He has been using and taking advantage of her way before the heroin and I told her with his mentality of not considering the consequences of his actions he will get into heroin and then what would she do? i have told him its his choice to consistently risk his life for a high, but his family will no longer contribute to it. I won't continue to enable his mentality by helping him avoid the consequences of his actions. I
 
I am so worried about him. I am so scared he won't make it through this and even though I feel like I am doing my best, I will still feel guilty for failing him and partly acountable for the role I played in not being involved in his life enough. He was the baby of the family and he didn't have a big social network growing up. he don't have any friends that he grew up with. burnt any bridges he did form with his narcissism. I don't know what my life would be like if I didn't have so many close friends and cousins to grow up with most of which I am still friends with. I hope his girlfriend don't dump him. It won't be good. Any friends he has now are her friends and family. :(

Maybe I should have stuck around longer when I came home for my dad's funeral. I didn't realize how much they needed me.
 
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None of this is your fault. Repeat that to yourself often. This is 100% on him.

It sounds like your brother needs some serious tough love (like a swift kick to the nuts and a few broken ribs...)

But seriously, a strict and tough rehab program if he ever wants to see his family again is the BEST option.

If your Mom won't help then you should leave, for your own safety and sanity.
 
Felonious Monk said:
None of this is your fault. Repeat that to yourself often. This is 100% on him.

It sounds like your brother needs some serious tough love (like a swift kick to the nuts and a few broken ribs...)

But seriously, a strict and tough rehab program if he ever wants to see his family again is the BEST option.

If your Mom won't help then you should leave, for your own safety and sanity.
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my mom is an addict herself on methodone. It as taken a very very long time for my mom to get where she is at. She wants to help more than anything. She has done alot in prevention, but she just doesn't have the will power to enforce any consequences other than getting upset and vocalizing it. She is willing to have an intervention, too, so is my sister. Just gathering information and trying to verify things like when he says how long the wait list is.
 
woohoo, my brother went to rehab today! let's wish him the best if luck. His girlfriend and my sister's boyfriend are doing outpatient therapy. I won't take any credit though. I am good at bringing a problem to the awareness of the people that can inspire and motivate change, but I am not one that can handle things with enough sensitivity to get through to an addict. I am just happy to see so much progress, even though some still express resentment towards me for my firmness and bluntness. I don't blame them for using me as a scapegoat. Better me than anyone else, I can appreciate it for what it is and imagine that somewhere down the road they might appreciate my efforts and patience. I might not have been as lax and flexible, but at least I you can't say I enabled them. Like I said, I am just happy that they are putting forth a seemingly genuine effort to recover! I am happy that we had people in our life that could inspire change so quickly into becoming involved. Haha, is it sexist that I influence women to inspire change? If I can convince women about a necessary change, some of them just seem to make it happen. they can break through ego defense in a way I haven't figured out yet. its this sensitivity thing and keeping a calm cool body language during conflict. My brows furrow up on them and my tone intensifies. I have been fighting this for months, and as soon as certain people became aware of the problem, and stopped makiny exzuses and denying it, they just knew what to do and got it done.

I hope this works, but I am glad to see things change for the better. I was so worried that my brother's girlfriend losing her dad would exacerbate things! I am so glad I seem to be mistaken!

Praise be to the World our god, and blessed are we who live within it!
 
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