I am aware that this thread title can be interpretted in a variety of ways, and find such circumstance to be beneficial in gaining perspective as to how the power of the psychedelic experience can affect its users, whether good or bad. Essentially, the main focus of this thread is to:
Give a linear account of your drug-using career, exemplifying how you feel it has developed, whether positively or negatively, as the result of the Psychedelic/Dissociative experience.
This could range from recovering from drug addiction using Ibogaine, to Psychedelics swaying your drug interests, to even psychedelics/dissociatives depreciating your interest in altering your mind, or whether or not you just use psychedelics/dissociatives as you would use any other drug, as a different spectrum of euphoric effect.
I'll go first 8) *Spoiler Altert: Looong read, so don't feel obliged*
I feel as if psychedelics and dissociatives have inspired me to develope introverted drug use habits, over the last 5 years of my drug-using career. From the first time I smoked weed, I had a driving interest in experiencing the overall depths of the human mind through drugs. This was really just an interest in testing the waters of mind, body, and soul. When I first started using psychedelics, it was clear that they were designated to intrigue my particular mental faculties. The experience was so interesting that it was what I was primarily interested in pursuing in my future drug habits.
With a great deal of love for pretty much all empathogens, stimulants, and depressents, I pursued the psychedelic experience frequently with the same extroverted vigor as I did these other types of drugs. I was willing to trip any time, any place, with any group of people. I'd go on pretty hellatious binges combining various types of drugs with my good friends, eventually reaching the point where I was even comfortable going on these excursions with acquaintences, sometimes even strangers I would meet at concerts. To give perspective to what ensued in these combinations, I'll just kinda flash through some of the drugs used on a couple of particular nights: (MDPV+Ketamine+MDMA+DMT+Alcohol), (MDMA+LSD+2c-I+Ketamine+Morphine+Xanax), (MDMA+2c-B+LSD+Shrooms). All of these instances were the result of having my own personal inventory of designated goods to use, and never having the urge to stop the chain as long as new links were able to be added. This kind of outlook that never ceased to say "Well, it couldn't hurt!"
It feels like a source of wisdom now. Like, I know never to be afraid, or never to predispose a drug to any emotional vantage, because that can be the source of such emotional manifestations. I notice a stronger balance now. The depersonalization of these experiences really kind of took hold whenever I felt fairly emotionally incapable. Psychedelics became less of an enlightening tool, and more of a judge of where I was emotionally. I would put myself in self-defeating ruts, or uncomfortable/awkward situations, hoping that when I applied the psychedelics in these situations, I would be able to identify myself emotionally by facing the escalated/excited response I would give under the influence of these substances. This didn't soften my ego...in fact it did the opposite.
As I became too emotionally hardened to feel the depression of not really feeling, I realized the people I cared about were the people being devastated and hurt by the unregulated acts I made whilst emotionally vacant. That was the spark of self-fulfillment. I finally got that sense of emotional push I craved, and it didn't feel good in the slightest. To watch how people have been affected by your actions once you realize your actions were void of who you have always identified yourself as, was a sad and scary burden. This just led to fearing emotional relationships with people, and self-wallowing. I went through a terrible spree of IV opiate+coke addiction, and 5 months ago, understood how contradictory any of that was to my overall design, and my sense of happiness. I feel like the whole thing was the learning curve I needed, because I feel very serene now. I underwent a 2 month period of sobriety and re-prioritization, and now feel satisfied with the person I've become.
I've learned I can't see myself based off of how I see myself react, but instead, how others react to how I emulate myself. I am able to have my serenity within the perfect counter-balance of positive reactions from social situations within my personal rhealm of happiness.
Now, if you're still reading, you might wonder what any of this has to do with my drug habits. Well, basically, I find myself to only use psychedelics/dissociatives when I feel I am abrasive to the fulfillment the experience can bring. For example, I don't use these drugs in the same social context at all. I no longer wish to aimlessly use these drugs in social situations. I don't trip with a group of friends for the fuck of it. I will sit and chill for hours with my friends as they ingest these substances, as I drink a beer or two, or smoke a joint or two, or hell, even sometimes just relax. I only seem to want to use psychedelics in small groups, usually no more than 3 people (including me). I usually will hold onto a substance for a week or two, or even as long as a month and half before I actually use it in these contexts. Even when I use empathogens, psychedelics, or dissociatives in the aforementioned way, I tend to look forward to the time I get alone, though I have yet to encounter any time during my experiences that goes without fulfillment. Psychedelics have given me the privelege to humbly use drugs, and the vantage of learning enough about myself (socially, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually) to prioritize my decisions properly.
-----
I think this is an interesting way of viewing my own use, because it kind of helps me learn and identify more about myself. Hopefully, you guys can also benefit from looking at things in such a perspective. It'd also be cool to see how others think differently in regards to this matter.
Give a linear account of your drug-using career, exemplifying how you feel it has developed, whether positively or negatively, as the result of the Psychedelic/Dissociative experience.
This could range from recovering from drug addiction using Ibogaine, to Psychedelics swaying your drug interests, to even psychedelics/dissociatives depreciating your interest in altering your mind, or whether or not you just use psychedelics/dissociatives as you would use any other drug, as a different spectrum of euphoric effect.
I'll go first 8) *Spoiler Altert: Looong read, so don't feel obliged*
I feel as if psychedelics and dissociatives have inspired me to develope introverted drug use habits, over the last 5 years of my drug-using career. From the first time I smoked weed, I had a driving interest in experiencing the overall depths of the human mind through drugs. This was really just an interest in testing the waters of mind, body, and soul. When I first started using psychedelics, it was clear that they were designated to intrigue my particular mental faculties. The experience was so interesting that it was what I was primarily interested in pursuing in my future drug habits.
With a great deal of love for pretty much all empathogens, stimulants, and depressents, I pursued the psychedelic experience frequently with the same extroverted vigor as I did these other types of drugs. I was willing to trip any time, any place, with any group of people. I'd go on pretty hellatious binges combining various types of drugs with my good friends, eventually reaching the point where I was even comfortable going on these excursions with acquaintences, sometimes even strangers I would meet at concerts. To give perspective to what ensued in these combinations, I'll just kinda flash through some of the drugs used on a couple of particular nights: (MDPV+Ketamine+MDMA+DMT+Alcohol), (MDMA+LSD+2c-I+Ketamine+Morphine+Xanax), (MDMA+2c-B+LSD+Shrooms). All of these instances were the result of having my own personal inventory of designated goods to use, and never having the urge to stop the chain as long as new links were able to be added. This kind of outlook that never ceased to say "Well, it couldn't hurt!"
It feels like a source of wisdom now. Like, I know never to be afraid, or never to predispose a drug to any emotional vantage, because that can be the source of such emotional manifestations. I notice a stronger balance now. The depersonalization of these experiences really kind of took hold whenever I felt fairly emotionally incapable. Psychedelics became less of an enlightening tool, and more of a judge of where I was emotionally. I would put myself in self-defeating ruts, or uncomfortable/awkward situations, hoping that when I applied the psychedelics in these situations, I would be able to identify myself emotionally by facing the escalated/excited response I would give under the influence of these substances. This didn't soften my ego...in fact it did the opposite.
As I became too emotionally hardened to feel the depression of not really feeling, I realized the people I cared about were the people being devastated and hurt by the unregulated acts I made whilst emotionally vacant. That was the spark of self-fulfillment. I finally got that sense of emotional push I craved, and it didn't feel good in the slightest. To watch how people have been affected by your actions once you realize your actions were void of who you have always identified yourself as, was a sad and scary burden. This just led to fearing emotional relationships with people, and self-wallowing. I went through a terrible spree of IV opiate+coke addiction, and 5 months ago, understood how contradictory any of that was to my overall design, and my sense of happiness. I feel like the whole thing was the learning curve I needed, because I feel very serene now. I underwent a 2 month period of sobriety and re-prioritization, and now feel satisfied with the person I've become.
I've learned I can't see myself based off of how I see myself react, but instead, how others react to how I emulate myself. I am able to have my serenity within the perfect counter-balance of positive reactions from social situations within my personal rhealm of happiness.
Now, if you're still reading, you might wonder what any of this has to do with my drug habits. Well, basically, I find myself to only use psychedelics/dissociatives when I feel I am abrasive to the fulfillment the experience can bring. For example, I don't use these drugs in the same social context at all. I no longer wish to aimlessly use these drugs in social situations. I don't trip with a group of friends for the fuck of it. I will sit and chill for hours with my friends as they ingest these substances, as I drink a beer or two, or smoke a joint or two, or hell, even sometimes just relax. I only seem to want to use psychedelics in small groups, usually no more than 3 people (including me). I usually will hold onto a substance for a week or two, or even as long as a month and half before I actually use it in these contexts. Even when I use empathogens, psychedelics, or dissociatives in the aforementioned way, I tend to look forward to the time I get alone, though I have yet to encounter any time during my experiences that goes without fulfillment. Psychedelics have given me the privelege to humbly use drugs, and the vantage of learning enough about myself (socially, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually) to prioritize my decisions properly.
-----
I think this is an interesting way of viewing my own use, because it kind of helps me learn and identify more about myself. Hopefully, you guys can also benefit from looking at things in such a perspective. It'd also be cool to see how others think differently in regards to this matter.
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issociative, and meat