tony314
Bluelighter
So, yesterday at my apartment complex courtyard, was a kegger for this dudes bday. Not only was football on, it's southern cali, so I was drinking and high as shit. I had been doing shots of jameison and the beer in one of the kegs was 9.5 % and was good.
I am hammered and invite a young lady up to do some bong rips.
A little backstory. I moved to San diego after my life fell apart and I lost everything. My fiance and I were staying in cheap motels and library's shooting smack and somewhat happy. But, I fucked up. I ran out of money and places for us to stay. She had to go pretend to be someones girl to live with them in AZ, and I have my navy buddy in san diego.
So I get here in late nov, I do a shot in lambert airport and get on a plane with 0$ and only 4 methadone pills and some xanex. For some reason, the weed helps my junk sick, and maybe being two blocks from the ocean, but I maintain for awhile. I'm disabled and get paid on the 1st, so I have been broke pretty frequently here, but make do. The problem is, my navy buddy from 05'knew 19year old me. Young and dumb, and in the navy, six pack abs and a raging alcoholic who for all intents and purposes was tucker max without the money or notoriety. I don't think he was ready for junkie ,heart broken, suicidally depressed, dead inside, lost, miserable, and lame me.
So 75% of the time I sit around and don't mope, just sit around. The other 25% of the time, I am on fire. It takes a few drinks, but eventually I can return to true form. So,since our click of friends is our neighbors in the apartment complex, they are like," How come he sits inside your house all day, not saying shit, then shows up slurring and takes over wherever he goes and all you can do is hold on when he gets going?"
My roomate and friend have no answer. So he has made a few feeble attempts to tell me to be social, and I say ok. Just as things are going well, some drama happens, even though I am not involved, everyone hate's me now and essentially thinks I'm a no good junkie. Despite my protests that I worked for a living and me and my fiance lived together for 3 years financing a life and habit, I'm not a criminal.
So now that all that is said, at this party yesterday, my roomate and supposed best friend and his friend, our buddy from boot camp, who I don't know but is a friend of a friend for years, start laying into me. My roomate is somewhat intelligent, a moth compared to me, but still above average, but the other dude is an overgrown retard. The mutual guy isn't pulling any punches then my best friend joins him. What was I supposed to do, try and reason with them and make better arguments to show how I'm right? Nope
Threaten with violence? Cry? What do I do? I tried all of them and nothing worked. Silent treatment, aye.
So now it's today, and I have made some critical decisions. Basically, I didn't think the retard would have the wherewithal to know how to talk to a chemically imbalanced depressed kid, so I expected the berating . But, my best friend, I thought instead of chiming in, could of helped, since we have had some deep heart to hearts and he knows I'm a genius and having a hard time. Basically they were bitching at me because as a party rages on, I " hide" In the apartment. Basically they were mad at an only child who was raised alone, who is now heartbroken beyond belief and depleted of happy feelings thanks to smack,for wanting to be alone. Mad at a suicidal person because he isn't entertaining your friends like you hyped up and have shown I can do. Well guess what I said, FUCK YOU!
Selfish pricks....
So I have decided since I'm broke til the first to use his airline ticket and go back to the lou, although I will be homeless and it is freezing, I will find some money, and get some junk. That's all I care about.
All the while these assholes will be thinking I'm running errands tom or weds but I will be in the lou.
Anyone have any input? I don't know why I wrote this, sorry, but I feel better.
I am hammered and invite a young lady up to do some bong rips.
A little backstory. I moved to San diego after my life fell apart and I lost everything. My fiance and I were staying in cheap motels and library's shooting smack and somewhat happy. But, I fucked up. I ran out of money and places for us to stay. She had to go pretend to be someones girl to live with them in AZ, and I have my navy buddy in san diego.
So I get here in late nov, I do a shot in lambert airport and get on a plane with 0$ and only 4 methadone pills and some xanex. For some reason, the weed helps my junk sick, and maybe being two blocks from the ocean, but I maintain for awhile. I'm disabled and get paid on the 1st, so I have been broke pretty frequently here, but make do. The problem is, my navy buddy from 05'knew 19year old me. Young and dumb, and in the navy, six pack abs and a raging alcoholic who for all intents and purposes was tucker max without the money or notoriety. I don't think he was ready for junkie ,heart broken, suicidally depressed, dead inside, lost, miserable, and lame me.
So 75% of the time I sit around and don't mope, just sit around. The other 25% of the time, I am on fire. It takes a few drinks, but eventually I can return to true form. So,since our click of friends is our neighbors in the apartment complex, they are like," How come he sits inside your house all day, not saying shit, then shows up slurring and takes over wherever he goes and all you can do is hold on when he gets going?"
My roomate and friend have no answer. So he has made a few feeble attempts to tell me to be social, and I say ok. Just as things are going well, some drama happens, even though I am not involved, everyone hate's me now and essentially thinks I'm a no good junkie. Despite my protests that I worked for a living and me and my fiance lived together for 3 years financing a life and habit, I'm not a criminal.
So now that all that is said, at this party yesterday, my roomate and supposed best friend and his friend, our buddy from boot camp, who I don't know but is a friend of a friend for years, start laying into me. My roomate is somewhat intelligent, a moth compared to me, but still above average, but the other dude is an overgrown retard. The mutual guy isn't pulling any punches then my best friend joins him. What was I supposed to do, try and reason with them and make better arguments to show how I'm right? Nope
Threaten with violence? Cry? What do I do? I tried all of them and nothing worked. Silent treatment, aye.
So now it's today, and I have made some critical decisions. Basically, I didn't think the retard would have the wherewithal to know how to talk to a chemically imbalanced depressed kid, so I expected the berating . But, my best friend, I thought instead of chiming in, could of helped, since we have had some deep heart to hearts and he knows I'm a genius and having a hard time. Basically they were bitching at me because as a party rages on, I " hide" In the apartment. Basically they were mad at an only child who was raised alone, who is now heartbroken beyond belief and depleted of happy feelings thanks to smack,for wanting to be alone. Mad at a suicidal person because he isn't entertaining your friends like you hyped up and have shown I can do. Well guess what I said, FUCK YOU!
Selfish pricks....
So I have decided since I'm broke til the first to use his airline ticket and go back to the lou, although I will be homeless and it is freezing, I will find some money, and get some junk. That's all I care about.
All the while these assholes will be thinking I'm running errands tom or weds but I will be in the lou.
Anyone have any input? I don't know why I wrote this, sorry, but I feel better.
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