How not to lose my shit?

[BlueHues]

As I've shared on numerous threads, my girlfriend broke up with me. We still live together. It's eating me up. I have no car, no job, nowhere to go and I'm stuck in a one bedroom apartment....

I have moments every day where I can somewhat feel like I'm going manic, My bipolar tends to be hypomanic most of the time, which is great! All the intense energy without the delusions and complete loss of reality....although, I've had a few manic episodes where I did start thinking some crazy shit....Despite thinking crazy things and having the odd visual hallucination from sleep deprivation, I was pretty functional during that time...

If I start thinking about things too much, it's like I can feel this intense kind of "fight or flight" thing in my chest and I feel like my eyes are bugging out of my head....things get wavy and I feel like I'm seperating from reality and going crazy...I've been able to calm myself down and not "snap"...and I don't know if I really would "snap", but it's an extremely overwhelming feeling...

I've been a drug user for many years....I've had a long history of amphetamines, heroin, psychedelics, marijuana....you name it, chances are I've done too much of it!

Lately, I've been drinking everyday to cope and I don't think it's really making anything better, it's just a way of keeping my feelings at bay, because I don't think I can really work through them right at the moment! I'm not taking any drugs really, very occasionally...

I don't take medication and I don't want to! I'm just wondering if anyone has ever had similar feelings of being overwhelmed and like they're gonna go nuts, and any good strategies other than meds to cope with this...

 

[Reaper182]

It sounds like you are stuck in a rut, and I can promise you that drinking is only making it worse. I was in a similar situation when I was going to university and I was living in residence. I was drinking everyday and had no car or job and my girlfriend had broken up with me and I stopped going to classes and began having major anxiety and panic attacks, and stopped going out altogether.
You may have a chemical imbalance that is causing these manic depressive episodes and if you don't want to be on medication, that's totally ok. But nothing changes if nothing changes, and you need to take a first step towards changing anything...your situation ie job, sleep schedule, etc. I'd recommend making yourself go to sleep at an appropriate time, like 11 pm and making yourself get up at 9 am, get dressed, eat breakfast and go outside, even just for a walk or a breath of fresh air. Try and cut back on drinking, it really only makes things a hundred times worse. If you are having panic attacks, try Panic Remedy. It's not a bunch of chemicals, it's a bunch of herbs that calm you down, like chamomile. Also try and fit some water into your day, it sounds weak but it's key. Chocolate milk, sunshine, vitamin B and D, exercise all help depression. Go on Kijiji and look for work, or go into town and hand out resumes. Check in with your friends, reconnect with old friends and go bowling, play pool, something you can do sober and try and reconnect with yourself. It's really important to remember that these times pass, but only if you start doing something to change them. Think of your situation as a Jenga tower. The more pieces of your unhealthy life and routine that you remove (drinking, not working), the closer you are at toppling your situation. Keep at it, and one thing at a time, you'll start noticing a change soon! Don't get discouraged if things don't turn around right away but keep trying. Again, nothing changes if nothing changes. Good luck!

 

[RobotRipping]

would benzos help with the mania? I know you mentioned alcohol but i'd think benzos would do the same job but with less side effects.

i've had psychotic breaks a few times (legit ones) so i know what you are talking about. Benzo withdrawal in particular makes me feel right on that border of psychosis.

 

[Get2Think]

I couldn't "not lose my shit" and still drink/use at the same time. My hat goes off to those that can but I simply had to be honest that, I cannot manage my life the way it needs to be managed and still drink/use. And despite missing drink/drugs a little here and there, I love having control over my life and a clear head to meet the problems modern life throws at me. Being 27 I finally see what "the real world" is all about, and it's rough. There is no way I can have "my shit together" in these crazy times, being the type of fiend addict that Iam, and still manage a good life.

 

[akautonomics]

Why don't you want to take meds?
I have bipolar disorder and have (finally) found a medication that keeps me fairly stable even though I take amphetamines every day and smoke a fair bit of dro. I take aripiprizole 10mg a day. I have tried lithium and it's not great, lamotragine seems to get good reviews except it does have objectionable side effects. Aripiprizole is a relatively new formulation of antipsychotic. If you don't want to take a traditional mood stabilizer, it might be a good alternative for you.
The one other piece of advice I want to second is to stop drinking every day. My doctors have told me that alcohol is very bad for patients with bipolar disorder. I don't know the specifics of why, but I can attest that it makes me either out of control on the manic side, or super depressed. Having a drink or two with friends should be okay as long as you take care to only drink as much as you can metabolize.

As for non-medical suggestions, the best I have is to do something fun that gives you an adrenaline rush, like snowboarding or something.